The Beginning

Sunday, February 21, 2010

New Haircut ... New Outlook

I hope everyone has had a great weekend!!!!
Well I got my haircut. First I will show you what I had... and then the shocker.

Before the Salon....

This is to give you an idea of how long it is. It is very hard to blowdry out.

And now after the Salon

I totally LOVE IT... Miss the long locks... but it's so carefree and easy!!

This is my two dogs watching my model in front of the mirror.

I posted some 'right now' pics... I'm not brave enough to put my 'before' pics up yet. It's at the top of the page under 'The Beginning'

I've been making a list of all the things to write down. First off... I've been keeping up with my exercise schedule. I am still at jog 1 min/ walk 1 min alternate for 20 minutes. Tomorrow I step up to jog 2 min/ walk 1 minute alternate for 20 minutes. Letmetellyou..... At first I could barely make an entire minute running (and I play soccer man) I was like I don't know how in the world I'm gonna be able to increase. Then once the 2nd day came by I was like.. well it's not so bad... but I was fearing the big jog for 2 minutes, so the last jog I had to do I made it 2 min instead of one..... and totally busted my fear.

Today was Day 3 of my regime and jogging for a whole minute was so easy I felt ready to advance today! I did the same thing... jog 2 minutes for the last one instead of one.

I've also started getting up earlier and going to bed sooner. In fact I need to go to sleep now.

Confession: I was upset Saturday night by a text message comment and on my way home I argued with myself on getting ice cream. First I wanted coldstone... but I knew that the ice cream had to be at least 1000 calories... it's so dang good. So I argued with myself all the way to CVS where I purchased a pint of vanilla and butterfinger ice cream and a stinken ice cream sandwich. I use to always joke around that if I do something bad... then I could do something good to cancel it out.... Well... does going to the gym at 7am this morning cancel out the ice cream bash? Well 1st thing is at least I was thinking about calories.... my thought process is starting to change.... 2nd I didn't eat the whole pint of ice cream... and just to guesstimate how many calories I had I would say 550 including the sandwich. Isn't bad... isn't great. But I'm coming along.

Confession: I haven't been keeping up with my food log as I should for the past 2 days. I have to sit down and figure it out.

Now as I'm getting into this routine I think I may change some things around.
1. Move my weigh-in day from Tuesday to Friday... that way I can be a little lax on the weekends without paying for it on the scale.
2. I should plan my lowest calorie eating days to be the 2 days off at the gym. I know this isn't rocket science... but it's not like there is an 'idiot's guide' either. I figure... since those day I automatically burn less... that's when I should have my 2 lower calorie days... make sense?

So far that's all I got. I can't weight (lol) to step on the scale on Tuesday. I know I have lost a few lbs. I'm just so happy because I feel I'm really heading in the right direction and I'm really doing it this time. I've said I've wanted to in the past.... but inside I never did. I never changed... I sat down and thought about it... and if I lose 6 lbs a month... which is really doable (1.5lbs a week) then I will make my goal weight by January for my 27th B-Day. However, I think I can do better than that. That's just like a bottom line goal.

I have such a positive outlook right now.. and no one can bring me off this high. Even the fact that I had an issue on Saturday night with emotional eating... I don't feel like it's the end of the world. I accepted it and moved on. I'm tired of letting people dictate how I feel. I'm tired of hearing let downs... I'm just changing the way I react to the situations. You know that quote from when we were in grade school "I am rubber you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you". As childish or trivial as it may sound... IT IS SO RIGHT. I'm no longer taking it in. I'm sorry if people have issues and want to bring me down for the count. I will be a great friend/wife/daughter/etc... but I will not be moved.

Where is this coming from? For the longest time I watch people play those games. The ones where they 'guilt' you into something.... So people know that I am a people pleaser. I always have been. I think it is because of my weight... that for some reason I didn't think people would see the real me or like me for who I am.... I became to them someone to rely on, and make things better. Once people realize how to play the game... and they have the ball in their court .... then that's when my agony begins. Seriously... and I'm done. I'm tired. I know that I got this way (overweight) from taking peoples crap and not even putting myself on my own list of priorities. When my boss calls me at 2am to type up something on the computer... I am there. When my friend calls me to confide in me... I am there... and then when I need the friend... nope I am still there... except I'm the only one there.

For so long I've allowed myself to be abused. I've always been the good friend that helps everyone out. The one that drives to and fro as if I can afford all the gas in the world... The one that gives and gives... but becomes hollow inside because I'm not getting anything in return.

I'm sorry for the rant... and that this is long. I hadn't planned on going into all this... but my fingers just keep typing as these emotions come forward.

I had a good friend.... she was very close to me. I loved her and her family. We would always be going out and having a fun time. But I feel like I was used. I would buy things for them... I would give them my things. We grew apart years ago (at least I thought we grew apart... I feel that is was a money issue) well they came back into my life last year. They were having a hard time and so I let them move in with us. Two months later they moved out into another one of their friends homes. They left me with the electric bill. Did I mention they are a family of 7? They now don't return my calls. I've been harboring these feelings inside and this is the first time I've admitted them to anyone one. When I think I'm over it... I find myself worse of than I was. Today I was at my meeting (church, synagogue, whateva you personally call it) and the talk was on forgiveness and holding grudges. I don't want to hold grudges.... but I'm just so hurt inside. I feel like they really weren't my friends for me, they were my friends for what they could get from me. I wrote a letter to them. It isn't an angry or mean letter. It's a good one. It's actually one that basically says 'I'm sorry for anything and everything I've ever done, and I also forgive you'

I don't ever get into the Bible, and I know many may have their own beliefs and I will never criticize anyone. I'm thinking though I need to let this all out it... I feel like this may be a huge reason for the weight gain. In the Bible it speaks about forgiveness... and how God forgives us and throws our transgressions behind him, as to forget them. I know if I forgive, I have to forget. That's the hard part. Trust me I do want to forget, I want to have this hurt healed. Well I feel like I need to forgive them so as to help me heal. I intended to write the letter to them to get things of my chest, but I never intended to give it to them. I think I will. I've been thinking about it for a few days now. It may amount to nothing, and to completely honest.... I don't want them as friends anymore. Close friends that is, it's not like I want them to be enemies... they will just be more as acquaintances. I also can't help but as myself.... What would Jesus do?.... In the book of Matthew it talks about if you have a gift of sacrifice and yet you know your brother has a problem with you, then leave you gift and do not return until you make amends with your brother. (In my own words of course) They may be living there life happy and not even thinking of me anymore. I also heard this saying at my meeting today "Holding grudges and not forgiving is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die" I'm angry inside but it's not hurting them or even making the pain go away... it's hurting me. So I've somewhat resolved that I am going to give them the letter, and go and speak with them.

Another really good friend of mine had a falling out with one of her closest friends and she got terribly depressed. She told me that she had spoken with her friend, and even though they aren't as close anymore and may never be... it brought some closure to her. I'm thinking that's what I need... forgiveness & closure.

Okay that's enough for now. I'm sorry so long... I probably already lost many of you.
I'll post my stats tomorrow... Have a healthy day!
Love Always,


  1. 1. Your ice cream fest wasn't great in terms of the mindset but you've still made incredible progress- two vicotories- no Coldstone and not finishing it. Congrats!

    2. The weigh in thing could also help you because you'll be on such a high from a good weigh in on Friday, that you'll want to keep it up... at least that's what happened with me :)

    3. Wow, that's so sad. But I'm right there with you. I think that the layers of fat make me feel like I need to compensate. It's sad. Unfortunately, you end up with one of the worst "friends" around. I'm sorry for that. I also don't think that the Bible really instructs/suggests for us to "forget." Forgive yes, but letting go, not dwelling, etc. aren't the same. I don't think God wants us to continue to be hurt or hurt ourselves and forgetting would allow this woman and her family (and others) to continue to hurt you.

    4. You hair looks FABULOUS!

  2. Rebeca's right... Hebrews 8:12 says God will "forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more" - the Bible never says we have to forget, only that we should forgive.

  3. Sorry for your problems. True friends don't hurt each other, Amberly. Perhaps it is time to get that closure.

    Great haircut. You are looking terrific! Keep it up, girl.

  4. CUTE HAIRRR! :)

    as for the ice cream.. at least you talked yourself down to a lower calorie alternative while still getting your 'emotional' fix! Kudos. pretty soon, you'll just want the ice cream sandwich.. and then just a small piece of chocolate..and then you'll want a carrot stick!

  5. Hi,
    I just found your weightloss blog. I hope you don't mind me following along. I just started my own weightloss journey and hoping to meet some new friends.
    I really like your new haircut. :)
    Good luck to you on yourjourney, look forward to reading more of your entries.

    Onederland WannaBe

  6. Great haircut! I love getting a haircut. I always feel like a different person!