The Beginning

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Thanks for calling me a liar

Things are going better today. I actually had a thought to skip the gym.... which made me go there that much faster.... I began my workout... but about half way through I lost the stamina... so instead of jogging for 2 minutes... I only did one... and then a whole lot of walking... however I made myself finish my workout... it just took longer. I don't know what was up... but I began thinking about just how healthy I have become. The awesome choices that I am making... and the fact that my body really is loving me for treating it well. That's what matters. The better I treat my body.... the longer it will stay with me..... um ya know what I mean... This is short and sweet because I received 2 awards... Here is one... and I will post the other tomorrow.
Can you believe Friday is finally here!!!

Thank you to Phil @ A View to a Phil for thinking of me when nominating fellow bloggers for this award!

Here are the rules of the award:
1. Thank the person who gave this to you.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you.
4. Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth.
5. Nominate seven "Creative Writers" who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
6. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

I nominate the following blogs this award:
1. Rachel @ Body by Pizza
2. Hollie @ Hollie's Weight Loss Blog
3. Lisa @ A Wii Story
4. M @ This Girl is Losing It
5. Kate @ FearlessKate
6. Kaitlin @ Everyday Grace
7. MissHaneefa @ Black Girl Gets Fit
The seven I picked are ones that have truly inspired me, either through their blog posts or their encouraging comments and emails, or all three. Knowing that my weight loss and my blog meant enough to make some of you reach out to me when I was ready to delete it all really meant a lot!

Now for some lies, and one truth...
1. I got to travel around the world after high school graduation.
2. My first tattoo I ever got was a heart with wings, and a soccer ball with a sunflare with the words 'Dulce Angelita' in between them.
3. I was born in Italy and came here when I was 6 months old.
4. I was on American Idol's Hollywood week in 2006, but sadly was sent home after Simon made me cry.
5. I participated in the USA vs. Australia Track meet that took place in Surfer's Paradise, Australia in 2002.
6. I was born as a twin, but my brother didn't survive birth.
7. I won a corvette through a radio station once, I was 16 so my dad actually had to claim it We were gonna sell it the next day so I took it out for a test drive and ended up totalling it when I hit a tree after I lost control. I walked away from the accident and the cops came after me for leaving the scene of a crime...
Can anyone guess which of these statements is true?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Missing the Mark

Well this day started out nice... then I had a few decisions gone wrong and then I assumed something and ended up making an a#$ out of myself... (not in front of anybody though). I got up and decided not to go to the gym this morning because I was sure to get an awesome workout in at soccer tonight. I for some weird reason I didn't feel like making breakfast.... I sat down and ate a grapefruit anyway. I went into work.... finished up and then I went out to run errands and grab lunch. we went to a 7-11 and I got a meal replacement bar... (I saw it a few days ago and wanted to try it) I ate half of it as I figured it was probably going to be a late lunch (and it was). Then I also got dark chocolate covered almonds. So I'm on my way out to a few stores when my dad spots and ice cream shop he wanted to go in. He had just had a hershey's chocolate bar in which I reminded him, and I knew full well that I wasn't going to get anything. So we went into Barnes and Noble.... and I was feeling good about myself. When we headed back to the car my dad suggested we walked inside in which he then proceeded to choose something to eat. I DID AS WELL!!! I wasn't even thinking anything like it was bad for me... or calories... nothing I tell you. It was all mindless! Guess what I got.... 2 chocolate chip cookies with ice cream in the middle. I remember thinking as I was eating it... that I should have gotten only 1 cookie with a scoop of ice cream because they were enormous. After I nearly devoured it all... (btw I was done with it... but just kept eating more instead of stopping) I threw away the last 4 bites... about 5 minutes later I got a wicked stomachache.... That is when everything about this whole experience came to me..... then I was bummed that I got it when really I didn't want it, I was just hungry for real food. I'm pretty sure it was 500 calories plus... and I got extremely heartbroken.... I wasn't trying to 'sneak' one in.... or 'get away with something' (like I really would) I just blatantly made a wrong decision.

So then we are trying to find lunch..... and we go to Panera.... I got a ham and cheese sandwich on sourdough..... and a cup of new england clam chowder (2 days in a row.... ) I forgot to ask for an apple and they gave me the bread... and stupid me not thinking.... ate it.

As we are leaving.... I'm trying to add up everything I've eaten and to put me in some kinda ballpark figure.... and I just start rationalizing with myself that I was going to play soccer and I could burn up all the carbs....

We went to play soccer. I will say I did have a good time. I didn't play that hard... but I can tell I am in better shape than I was last week. My legs are definitely getting stronger. However... I didn't hit my calorie burn for the day... I didn't hit my vigorous activity goal either (30 min).... It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't eaten that stinken ice cream sandwich..... I'm a little hungry now... and I just don't even wanna eat. I'm a little depressed about how soccer went. My husband didn't wanna go... and then he made a couple of comments that put me in a bad mood. I seriously try to do my best. I do it with a good heart and try to with a humble spirit.... but someone has always gotta say something.... I gotta work on building myself up and stop taking peoples crap. (I got offended by one of the soccer players... and there were a couple other things that I'm just trying to roll of my back...) I'm in the mood to just go to the gym and run for a while.... get lost in some good tunes and a hard sweat... but alas the gym is not open and won't be for another 5 hours.

I'm really disappointed in myself. How am I ever gonna win at this if I keep screwing it up. While I know that this is something I'm just gonna have to work on... and practice makes perfect..... I don't wanna just shrug it off and think 'It's okay.... I'll do better next time' I know that I will... I know that I will get back up and continue this journey. I am really proud of myself and how far I've come.... I just don't want that old care free attitude to slip back into my life.... like it did today with the whole ice cream sandwich...... mindless mindless mindless..... UUUGGGGHHHH
I think I am gonna go lay down and watch a movie to try to get my mind off all this. Get a good rest... and I think I will spend a little extra time in the gym tomorrow. (Isn't it great when you just want to be at the gym.... and you want to spend extra time there..... I definitely am noticing an attitude adjustment..... )

I hope everyone's Wednesday went better than mine!
Have a happy & healthy Thursday
Love Always,

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Weigh-In Day

Well, well, well.... what do we have here.... Is that a pound missing? NO it's 1.8lbs!!! Gone!! Great news. I'm glad about that. The only thing is I'm just .2 away from 10 pounds. Ughhh the drama!
Anyways I'm gonna make this short and sweet.

Had an awesome workout today, I really pushed myself to the max.
Had a great lunch went to the Town Tavern which has real New England food. I had clam chowder and a lobster roll. It was excellent!

I sat down this morning after my workout and logged all my missing info for my food consumption over the weekend. Lemmetellyou... I will never go that long again without doing it. In fact I just sat down and logged everything for today. On saturday when I had my little emotional kick I was 19 calories over my goal. That was the first time I've gone over... but it may just very well be the reason I didn't make the 10lb mark yet.

Other than that... everything is groovy. I'm contemplating on whether to go to the gym in the morning. I have soccer tomorrow night and I will definitely reach all my goals with just that. I'm not quite sure yet. I'll keep you posted.
Wednesday... the middle of the week!!! The weekend is almost here.
Have a good and healthy one!
Love Always,

Monday, February 22, 2010

Whoa I feel good!

Thanks everyone for their comments! On a good note... I had a 1/2 of the vanilla butterfinger ice cream in the freezer and guess what!!! It's still in there.... Last night I went into the kitchen after writing my last blog entry and thought "man I'm hungry".... then I questioned myself "Am I really"... "nope..." Then I headed to bed and didn't even give it a second thought.

Whoa... I'm on some kinda high... it's legal don't worry. I've really been proud of myself. I'm pushing myself and I'm seriously lovin' it. Every time I make a good decision... every time I go to the gym.... It adds to this high.

So I still have yet to log my calories for the weekend. I'm gonna get on... gotta be accountable.
Today I went to the gym and practically had to fight off this woman for a treadmill. She totally took the one I was waiting for... and gave me this mean look. Don't worry hunny... Karma... it will come back and bite you in the butt. I remember a time when I woulda just looked at all the machines seen they were all full and thought... "oh well... next time" Now I'm fighting for one!! I told my husband tonight that it is official "I am a runner" Haha

I was a bit confused on my workout for week 2 of my couch to 5k workout. I was suppose to go 20 Min: 1 min walk/2minute jog.... but somehow I got something confused... so instead of going for 20 minutes I went for 30... Talk about over achieving!

My dad even complimented me on how great I'm starting to look. My dad really isn't the 'pay attention to details type' .... in fact he said absolutely NOTHING about my hair.... which is a shocker. But he told me to keep up playing soccer, and that he could see the muscle in my calves. Good enough for me. Last year I went from 254lbs to 192lbs (and then I gained a crap load back) but my dad didn't even notice! It use to be I'd go on a diet and he would sabotage it (unknowingly) by always wanting to go out to eat at places that it would be difficult for me... (and as I am walking proof) I always caved and would think "I'll start tomorrow". Now I have a voice. I can speak up and say.... nope that's not really healthy for me, and my father... he also thinks ahead for places that I can actually eat. Score! Love it when people join the team!

I'm feeling so good!!! I hope you all can feel the energy and let it captivate you! Keep up the good work everyone! Have a great Tuesday!

Love Always,

Saurday Stats:
Calories Burned 2508
Calories Consumed To be determined
Balance (Deficit) 2508 as of right now.. lol
Physical Activity 35 min (Moderate 35 min) (Vigorous 0 min)
Steps 5069

Rest Day

Sunday Stats:
Calories Burned 3081
Calories Consumed To be determined
Balance (Deficit) 0 as of right now
Physical Activity 1 Hr 24 min (Moderate 62 min) (Vigorous 22 min)
Steps 10345

Day 4 of Operation Couch to 5k in 6 weeks:
20 Min on Treadmill - 1 Min Jog @ 4.5 / 1 Min Walk @3.0 (alternate for 20 Min.
5 minute cooldown

Sunday, February 21, 2010

New Haircut ... New Outlook

I hope everyone has had a great weekend!!!!
Well I got my haircut. First I will show you what I had... and then the shocker.

Before the Salon....

This is to give you an idea of how long it is. It is very hard to blowdry out.

And now after the Salon

I totally LOVE IT... Miss the long locks... but it's so carefree and easy!!

This is my two dogs watching my model in front of the mirror.

I posted some 'right now' pics... I'm not brave enough to put my 'before' pics up yet. It's at the top of the page under 'The Beginning'

I've been making a list of all the things to write down. First off... I've been keeping up with my exercise schedule. I am still at jog 1 min/ walk 1 min alternate for 20 minutes. Tomorrow I step up to jog 2 min/ walk 1 minute alternate for 20 minutes. Letmetellyou..... At first I could barely make an entire minute running (and I play soccer man) I was like I don't know how in the world I'm gonna be able to increase. Then once the 2nd day came by I was like.. well it's not so bad... but I was fearing the big jog for 2 minutes, so the last jog I had to do I made it 2 min instead of one..... and totally busted my fear.

Today was Day 3 of my regime and jogging for a whole minute was so easy I felt ready to advance today! I did the same thing... jog 2 minutes for the last one instead of one.

I've also started getting up earlier and going to bed sooner. In fact I need to go to sleep now.

Confession: I was upset Saturday night by a text message comment and on my way home I argued with myself on getting ice cream. First I wanted coldstone... but I knew that the ice cream had to be at least 1000 calories... it's so dang good. So I argued with myself all the way to CVS where I purchased a pint of vanilla and butterfinger ice cream and a stinken ice cream sandwich. I use to always joke around that if I do something bad... then I could do something good to cancel it out.... Well... does going to the gym at 7am this morning cancel out the ice cream bash? Well 1st thing is at least I was thinking about calories.... my thought process is starting to change.... 2nd I didn't eat the whole pint of ice cream... and just to guesstimate how many calories I had I would say 550 including the sandwich. Isn't bad... isn't great. But I'm coming along.

Confession: I haven't been keeping up with my food log as I should for the past 2 days. I have to sit down and figure it out.

Now as I'm getting into this routine I think I may change some things around.
1. Move my weigh-in day from Tuesday to Friday... that way I can be a little lax on the weekends without paying for it on the scale.
2. I should plan my lowest calorie eating days to be the 2 days off at the gym. I know this isn't rocket science... but it's not like there is an 'idiot's guide' either. I figure... since those day I automatically burn less... that's when I should have my 2 lower calorie days... make sense?

So far that's all I got. I can't weight (lol) to step on the scale on Tuesday. I know I have lost a few lbs. I'm just so happy because I feel I'm really heading in the right direction and I'm really doing it this time. I've said I've wanted to in the past.... but inside I never did. I never changed... I sat down and thought about it... and if I lose 6 lbs a month... which is really doable (1.5lbs a week) then I will make my goal weight by January for my 27th B-Day. However, I think I can do better than that. That's just like a bottom line goal.

I have such a positive outlook right now.. and no one can bring me off this high. Even the fact that I had an issue on Saturday night with emotional eating... I don't feel like it's the end of the world. I accepted it and moved on. I'm tired of letting people dictate how I feel. I'm tired of hearing let downs... I'm just changing the way I react to the situations. You know that quote from when we were in grade school "I am rubber you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you". As childish or trivial as it may sound... IT IS SO RIGHT. I'm no longer taking it in. I'm sorry if people have issues and want to bring me down for the count. I will be a great friend/wife/daughter/etc... but I will not be moved.

Where is this coming from? For the longest time I watch people play those games. The ones where they 'guilt' you into something.... So people know that I am a people pleaser. I always have been. I think it is because of my weight... that for some reason I didn't think people would see the real me or like me for who I am.... I became to them someone to rely on, and make things better. Once people realize how to play the game... and they have the ball in their court .... then that's when my agony begins. Seriously... and I'm done. I'm tired. I know that I got this way (overweight) from taking peoples crap and not even putting myself on my own list of priorities. When my boss calls me at 2am to type up something on the computer... I am there. When my friend calls me to confide in me... I am there... and then when I need the friend... nope I am still there... except I'm the only one there.

For so long I've allowed myself to be abused. I've always been the good friend that helps everyone out. The one that drives to and fro as if I can afford all the gas in the world... The one that gives and gives... but becomes hollow inside because I'm not getting anything in return.

I'm sorry for the rant... and that this is long. I hadn't planned on going into all this... but my fingers just keep typing as these emotions come forward.

I had a good friend.... she was very close to me. I loved her and her family. We would always be going out and having a fun time. But I feel like I was used. I would buy things for them... I would give them my things. We grew apart years ago (at least I thought we grew apart... I feel that is was a money issue) well they came back into my life last year. They were having a hard time and so I let them move in with us. Two months later they moved out into another one of their friends homes. They left me with the electric bill. Did I mention they are a family of 7? They now don't return my calls. I've been harboring these feelings inside and this is the first time I've admitted them to anyone one. When I think I'm over it... I find myself worse of than I was. Today I was at my meeting (church, synagogue, whateva you personally call it) and the talk was on forgiveness and holding grudges. I don't want to hold grudges.... but I'm just so hurt inside. I feel like they really weren't my friends for me, they were my friends for what they could get from me. I wrote a letter to them. It isn't an angry or mean letter. It's a good one. It's actually one that basically says 'I'm sorry for anything and everything I've ever done, and I also forgive you'

I don't ever get into the Bible, and I know many may have their own beliefs and I will never criticize anyone. I'm thinking though I need to let this all out it... I feel like this may be a huge reason for the weight gain. In the Bible it speaks about forgiveness... and how God forgives us and throws our transgressions behind him, as to forget them. I know if I forgive, I have to forget. That's the hard part. Trust me I do want to forget, I want to have this hurt healed. Well I feel like I need to forgive them so as to help me heal. I intended to write the letter to them to get things of my chest, but I never intended to give it to them. I think I will. I've been thinking about it for a few days now. It may amount to nothing, and to completely honest.... I don't want them as friends anymore. Close friends that is, it's not like I want them to be enemies... they will just be more as acquaintances. I also can't help but as myself.... What would Jesus do?.... In the book of Matthew it talks about if you have a gift of sacrifice and yet you know your brother has a problem with you, then leave you gift and do not return until you make amends with your brother. (In my own words of course) They may be living there life happy and not even thinking of me anymore. I also heard this saying at my meeting today "Holding grudges and not forgiving is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die" I'm angry inside but it's not hurting them or even making the pain go away... it's hurting me. So I've somewhat resolved that I am going to give them the letter, and go and speak with them.

Another really good friend of mine had a falling out with one of her closest friends and she got terribly depressed. She told me that she had spoken with her friend, and even though they aren't as close anymore and may never be... it brought some closure to her. I'm thinking that's what I need... forgiveness & closure.

Okay that's enough for now. I'm sorry so long... I probably already lost many of you.
I'll post my stats tomorrow... Have a healthy day!
Love Always,

Saturday, February 20, 2010


Day 3 - and still kickin'

I took a rest day from my workout. So my stats aren't the norm... and my calories consumed... are off because I ate this:

and this

It was really yummy too. I did an estimate of the calories but they don't seem right to me. I configured my total intake for the day was around 1700. I was good for breakfast and lunch and I literally banked 1500 for this meal. I wanted to enjoy myself.

Daily Stats:
Calories Burned 2482
Calories Consumed 1719
Balance (Deficit) 763
Physical Activity 14 min (Moderate 14min) (Vigorous 0 min)
Steps 3286

I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow! I will take some pictures. I'm excited. Then I'm going out to do some shopping and then hit the gym!

Hope everyone has a great Saturday!!
Love Always,

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I am on a weight loss trend

- According to my GoWear fit.

Very interesting Day 2! I stayed on target.
Things I learned...

1) I fell asleep at 4am got up at Noon (8hrs) but GoWear says that I only slept 5 hr 57 min. And apparently while I was sleeping I took 49 steps... lol... I am unable to see what time it was Except between 4 - 5am.. it may have been a quick restroom trip... who knows.

2) Half my calories today was from Fat :o( - then again I had a sirloin....

3) The Machines at the gym are wrong! It's a good basis to go on... but it's a 'one size fits all' way of calculating. I was on the exercise bike and according to the machine I had done 15 minutes of moderate activity (heart rate @ 135) however.... GoWear fit read I only did 2 minutes of moderate activity... Interesting...

4) This is like a game. I am totally digging it.... Before the doorbell rang with my GoWear Fit on Tuesday... I hated counting calories. Now I'm all over it. It's like "hmmm, if I eat this than I will have this many left" and "okay lets keep going on the machine for 5 more minutes just to see what my GoWear says" In fact.... Tuesday when I got on the treadmill to begin my first day of my 5k training... I was so concerned about the GoWear and my running that I didn't realize I was watching Rachel Ray cooking something (can't remember) until a guy next to me asked me how I could workout with food in front of my face. Craziness I tell ya.

Today overall was pretty groovy. I went to work but didn't have any work to do.... so I had a forced day off... bummer... For lunch I went to Logan's Roadhouse with my dad. I had my iPhone locked and ready except their nutritional guide is not on their website as the server told me. So I ate carefully, and had to bring it home to calculate it. I always have the sirloin salad. I love it. I decided to add on a cup of Loaded Potato Soup. Pretty good. They of course brought out rolls (4). My dad grabbed 2 and said I could have the rest... but I know better. However I did take a picture before my dad gobbled them up. I know they are totally delish.... but according to the those pesky rolls are 227 calories a roll... My dad had 4 and I was just adding the calories in my head. Although they are good.... I'd rather save my calories for other food... and of course I get a lot more of it.

Here's a picture of what I missed out on... 454 calories not counting the butter next to it!

Daily Stats:
Calories Burned 3096
Calories Consumed 1745
Balance (Deficit) 1354
Physical Activity 1 Hr 43 min (Moderate 30 min) (Vigorous 26 min)
Steps 7589

I decided to add on my workout info also:

Day 3 of Operation Couch to 5k in 6 weeks:
20 Min on Treadmill - 1 Min Jog @ 4.5 / 1 Min Walk @3.0 (alternate for 20 Min)
30 Min on Seated Bike
5 Min on Elliptical for Cooldown

This was taken during my cool down. I wanted to start keeping up with my miles for 2010.

Friday it here! Everyone behave themselves and have an awesome weekend!!
Love Always,

Eye Opener!

Thanks everyone for their comments!

Well Day 1 of my GoWear lifestyle... and it's really awesome. In fact... and eye opener!
One quick note... if anyone is looking to invest in one... I have the GoWear Fit which cost me $259 (free shipping through Amazon) however... I just went to to see when my Biggest Loser was gonna start airing again (March 2nd for all you fans) and they were advertising the Body Bugg for $249.. which is cheaper than it was (somewhere around $350).

.... Back to my awesome day. I woke up, made breakfast and was out the door. I went to work and did my thang... however, I decided to do 10 squats between each of the 10 orders I had to process. I got so into it... sometimes I did more. So I ended with 120 squats done at work. Once I left I had to go by the sporting goods store to pick some shinguards up for the man in my life. On my way I went to drop a package off at a UPS drop box... the guy was already there like 15 minutes early. I walked up to the truck and was like "knock knock" and he was laying on the floor in the cargo area... He was like 'Hello' and I made a comment about him being early and taking a break... and he said that he finished his lunch early so that when he got to each of his stops he could do some sittups and pushups... LOL... I think everyone's got the bug!

After my little excursion I met my husband and we got in the car for SOCCER!!! It turns out they have an adult pick-up team that plays 2 twice a week and we figured that we could join that first and then possibly join teams in the Fall. It was great!! Accept I starting having problems with my knee and I ball bounced off a goal post hit my shin and then went right into the other teams goal :o( It was quite a laugh though.

I got home and inputted all my info for my food for the day and plugged in my GoWear Fit so it uploaded all my activity to the computer. And here's how it goes:

Calories Burned 3516
Calories Consumed 1873
Balance (Deficit) 1643 <- That's more than 1/2 a lb!!!!!
Physical Activity 2 Hrs 7 min (Moderate 1 Hr 25 min) (Vigorous 37 min)
Steps 8248

AWESOME!!! Now I get to see what it says about when I sleep... And while being on the computer... I've burned 99 calories in the last hour. Coolness

One thing that it has been making me think about is the amount of activity I do. For instance today at work I was thinking... hmmm if I make a trip the restroom now (instead of when I was leaving like I sometimes do) then I'll have to come back here to finish up and then leave... it will add steps... lol.

Another eye opener is that I have been completely tracking my calories with all the foods I eat (yesterday and today) and I can't believe how much I was up to... when I thought I was doing good. Today was awesome at 1873 (GoWear says I should eat 2390). Yesterday I was at 2090... which is still good according to GoWear but had you had asked my how many I THOUGHT I ATE.. I woulda spun off something like 1500-1600 calories...

Well guys I think that's all I got left in me. Have a good rest, and a wonderful Thursday!
Love Always,

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Who said Tuesday can't be a Monday?

Well I did it... I mustered up enough courage to begin running on a treadmill!!! (well jogging... same difference) Today has been a pretty awesome day. I was down 1.2... not too shabby... but I want it to go lower. I ate breakfast (the first time in like a week and a half... I know, I know... just shoot me) and then I headed into work. I made the decision to stop clowning around and that I was going to the gym no ifs, ands or butts. After I finished up at work and had a great lunch (salad, green beans, and turkey breast) then I headed over to the gym. I got on a treadmill and never looked back.

I started by doing a 3 minute warmup @ 3.2 and then I started thinking... whats a good speed to jog at.... I looked at the guy next to me who was @ 4.5 and thought... works for me. It was awesome. I did 1 min jog/1 min walk for 20 minutes. It was over so quickly!!! Although about half way through I had to lower my walk time to 2.9 just because my calves were killing me... rock hard baby. Afterwards I did about 15 minutes on the bike just to work legs in a different way. Day 1 accomplished!!! (Accept it's actually suppose to be my day 2... so I gotta make it up on one of my days off... Who said Tuesday can't be Monday?)

BTW... IT"S HERE!!!! As I was leaving for work when the mail came and low and behold... the thing I've been waiting for all week(end)... my GoWear Fit system!!! I'm about to bust this bad boy out and get cracking!

Today was nice... I got up and had some sense of ambition... something I have been majorly lacking for the past week. More tomorrow
Here's to your Health

Monday, February 15, 2010

A letter to myself....

Dear Amberly,

I'm so sorry.
I haven't been faithful to you.
I've been selling myself short.
I haven't been dependable or reliable.
I haven't taken care of you.
I don't even treat you the way you should be treated, the way you deserve to be treated.
I know you're depressed. I know that you have no reason to rely on me, I continually let you down.
I love you I really do. I know you don't believe it. My actions don't prove my love for you.
I know you have thought about leaving me. I know you and I know that's not really what you want.
I want to be better for you. I know it all starts with me. If you can't love yourself than you can't truly love anyone.
I know it's going to take work, this is something that isn't going to happen overnight, nor would I really want it to.
I want you to trust me again. This is going to be our journey. You and Me. Together. It won't be easy at times but if we can learn to rely on each other and trust each other I know we can make it through.
I vow to always put you first.
I vow to love and respect you.
I love you.
~Always with you, Amberly

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Where have I been?.... Sleeping

Well... I finally log some hours in sleeping! I'm glad. I'm gonna hit the hay in a little bit and sleep in a little on Sunday.

I got home tonight and was ready to put on my running shoes.... when I noticed this foul odor.... as I stepped closer and closer to the culprit... I realized my Pitbull... couldn't quite hold it.... which means my husband probably didn't let the dogs out when he got home... Figures... So I let the dogs outside while I cleaned up... and then of course stepped in a puddle of magic yellow stuff.... I was so ticked... I cleaned it up and got out the Mop and started warm water, added bleach and fabuloso. I let that fill up as I brought the dogs back in and (after cleaning my foot) I went into my bedroom to get another pair of socks... I walked out and my pitbull (Bella... no not after the Twilight movie... I know you didn't ask but I'm sure you were thinking it) Bella had thrown up about 5 times in 5 different areas (thank God we have tile floors) I WAS SO TICKED.... obviously it wasn't her fault and I didn't take it out on her or anything. I let the dogs out and cleaned up the mess... and by the way... she threw up 4 more times outside. My poor baby.... I went outside and held her for a while and rubbed her belly. That seems to always work... Love makes the sickness go away. So I just got finished mopping the entire floor. (I got home at 10pm and it is now 2am, I'm a bit of a neat freak... and ughh doggie germs)

Other news... I was gonna mop the floors anyway because I got a new rug. World Market went out of business near us and how a 60% off sale... Lemme just say most of their stuff was gone... but I made out like a villian with some wild loot. I got 2 rugs and a papasan cushion and some really awesome salad bowls. Then I went over the Kirklands and they were having a massive sale on all kinds of stuff that I actually like. I had a $75 gift card as a gift from when I got married ( a year and 2 months ago lol... I'm glad they don't expire). I got some awesome decor for the kitchen and two pillows for the couch. It's coming together nicely. We've been on a really tight budget lately... so it was really nice to get some things with out spending a whole lotta money.

Other news... I had this really weird (maybe paranoid) feeling that I could've been pregnant. I didn't have any signs or symptoms... but I dunno I just felt weird.. and I had started gaining a little weight (when I started at 230 prior to that I was 212). Well last Saturday I got my monthly visit... except it hasn't visited in 4 months... (not a big deal I have PCOS, so I'm use to it) and I haven't been on Birth Control since July/August of last year... no medical insurance and waiting for my husbands to kick in in January. (I'm about to go to the OBGYN soon) Now that you know all that about me... I have a point. If I happened to have been pregnant and had a miscarriage (by the way it would've only been at most 2 weeks) I just thought.... wow... see what this unhealthy lifestyle is doing to me. I was doing some reading up on insulin resistant babies... and how they almost always miscarry... and I thought man if I were trying to have a baby right now... it may not have a chance... and I would be a wreck if I carried one and then it miscarried (especially if it was close to full term). Then I started thinking... what if it was born.... diabetic, because of me. I already know because of my predisposed condition that my child will always have a risk of it.... but oh man... the tears are starting again. Not only is this journey to a healthier new me of utmost importance for me.... when I do have children (and I'm planning on it) it's gonna be important for them also.

I've fallen off the wagon this past week. Last I looked (wednesday) I hadn't gained anything... but I haven't been exercising. Don't worry I'm back on point. I'mnot sure why I lost my zeal. At least lemme tell you that I didn't go overboard... I still followed my newly learned behaviors... cept I slipped a few times on the eating when you first wake up in the morning thing. I also did have more carbs than I have allowed myself to have.

Oh and I forgot to tell you!!!! The soccer team contacted me. I have to submit an application through the official team website... and then they will call me for tryouts... and best thing yet this team hasn't started playing yet! They also have some COED teams... and my husband is thinking of joining also. I'm so excited!!!

And... I also found out that the college that I sorta attend right now is having their 5th annual 5K run on March 21.... now I would be finished training until March 26... so I'm not sure if I'm gonna do it... but that would be 2 Saturdays in a row.... think I can do it... I'm sure I can... I just gotta get focused.

I hope everyone has been having a wonderful weekend! Thanks so much for listening (reading) and being there for me. I enjoy reading everyone's comments.. and I only hope I can be as much inspiration as you have been for me. I feel like I a support group 24/7... this is better than WW!
I love all of you guys!
Love Always

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Insomina I beseech you.... Why do you vex me so?

It's 3:38am... and I can't sleep. It's really beginning to toast my cookie! I have not had a decent night of sleep in I don't know how long.... What is wrong with me? I'm not even drinking any caffeine!

Tonight: I fell asleep about 7pm... excited to get a full nights rest... when I get a phone call at 10pm. Ignore it.... they called back.... ignore it again.. they called back.... finally I answered (In fear that there may actually be some kind of emergency) when they ask me 'oh did I wake you' Hmmmp
After speaking with them for a few minutes I was excited to get back to sleep but when my head hit the pillow I was wide awake... and still am.

Last Night: I finally fell asleep around 4am and slept until 10am... which is surprising (see 'the night before last')

The Night Before Last: Freaking Insomnia kept me awake until 4am... then I woke up and hour later while my husband was getting ready for work... only to lay in bed until 9am and sleep 1pm.

I'm draggin' but I have no clue why I can't sleep. I'm not stressed out... I've been eatin' pretty great... and I don't eat right before I go to sleep... usually there is about 3 or 4 hours in between. I know that if I don't start getting my sleep then my body is gonna ruin me and release all these wonderful hormones that make me wanna eat more.... actually yesterday and today were perfect examples.

I've been toying with the idea of going to the gym at 5am when they open to workout... come home shower and sleep for a few hours then head off to the office. We'll see.... there's nothing I hate more than that dizzy nauseating feeling I get when I haven't gotten enough sleep (yes yes I know I'm not the teenager I once was).

One other thing I found really interesting. Over the past so many years I've read/heard/seen/witnessed people losing weight and a lot of times when asked 'What's your secret?' they respond with a simple answer.... "I thought of food as fuel" While I understand that.... I admit It wasn't until this week on the Biggest Loser that I actually GOT IT. On Biggest Loser this week they took all the contestants to the Olympic Training Facility in Colorado to train with some of the Olympians... which was pretty cool. The contestants toured the kitchen where they had many many meal stations. Each station had the choices with all the nutritional facts listed. Then some nutritionists were answering questions they had. For instance How many calories to the athletes eat? Answer: It varies... anywhere from 1600 - 8000 depending on the athlete and their event. Then they showed a few options that some of the athletes eat... like spaghetti with meatballs for a speed skater... etc. But then the most interesting thing to me... is they described WHY the athletes were eating certain said food. For instance the speed skater needs a lot of carbs... that's why they eat the pasta.... and they mentioned chicken was for recovery since they are constantly building and maintaining muscles.

It just completely dawned on me... they have no emotion what so ever about what they eat. It is only used as a tool to help them toward their goal. That's major. Sometimes I look at Mac and Cheese... or Pizza and miss it... I may even consider it. And while it's not that I can't indulge every so often if I'd like, it's the fact that it doesn't truly help me with reaching my goal. (Otherwise I promise you I'd eat it every night) If I do indulge frequently then I'm actually hurting myself and distancing myself from my goal. I need to look at food as fuel. I may want that snickers bar (haven't had one since last year whoo hoo) but what is it going to do to my body? Spike my sugar levels, give me just a little energy before slamming me into the ground and leave me struggling to find another energy fix, help me to GAIN weight? It doesn't help the performance of my body. It may seem like a good thing but the overall reality after weighing all the options is it is detrimental to me. I need to see food as fuel... not with emotion.
Alright that's my Oprah moment of the day. I think I'm gonna lay down and try to sleep.
Have a great day everyone!
Love Always,

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Baby, I'm goin' dooowwwnnnnn

Well lost not even a pound... thank you mother nature... however I know that I was under 220 ... unofficially..... on Saturday before I began this wonderful time of womanhood.... So I'm not worried just expecting a good loss for next week.

Well... I haven't heard back from the soccer league yet (I know I know it hasn't even been 24 hours) however their first games were tonight... So I drove over to watch. They had 2 teams on one field playing against each other... It was a good game.. they ended in a tie 3-3. I don't know what I was so afraid of.... I just felt that maybe my playing ability wasn't as good to play on their team... on the contrary I will fit right in! On the other field was one team.. and I guess the team they were suppose to be playin' just decided not to come...

I hope they call me back and say they need me to play. I'm just afraid their roosters might be full. They only allow 18 players on a team.... by the looks of it none of the teams had 18 players... but I also know that there may not have been people there. We shall see!

One of my goals is to do a sprint triathlon which consists of a 1/2 mile swim (.47 miles), 12.4 mile bike, and a 5K run. I saw it last season on the Biggest Loser... and I would love to challenge myself to do that. First things first... I need to focus on the 5K part... and you won't believe it..... I still have managed not to run on a treadmill.... lol.... But I decided I'd like to train for the 5K outside (when possible.... you know this crazy florida weather!) So I downloaded a beginners 5K schedule and HERE is the link to it if you'd like to see it. I really like it because it truly is for a beginner as you will see Day 1 is... walk 1 min, jog 1 min, walk 1 min, jog 1 min..... for 20 minutes. I was already thinking that was how I was gonna start. I'm gonna do some research and see if there are any 5K runs in the Orlando Area at least 6 weeks away (because my beginners schedule is a 6 week schedule).

I also need to take swimming lessons. *embarrassed* I never really truly learned how to swim. I mean hey I can get from point A to Point B if my life depends on it... and I've got a nice back stroke.... but somehow I don't think that will work for the triathlon. I'm gonna find someone to teach me... who knows what they are doing. I've been looking for instructional courses but it seems I can't find anything for adults.

So I've now got a few goals in mind to lay the foundation for some great upcoming goals.
Hope everyone is having a great successful week!
Love Always,

P.S. I now have my first goal in mind. If i start training tomorrow for my 5K.... I will finish in 6 weeks or March 24.... well the 1st event after that is on March 27th in Orlando..... I can't believe I'm gonna sign up for this!

Monday, February 08, 2010

I got the Bugg,...

Slight correction in yesterday entry... I plan on doing 30 minutes of a cardio machine Monday, Wednesday, and Friday... and then do 30 minutes of circuit training (which is also cardio) for a total of 60 minutes. I was contemplating doing 60 minutes of cardio today plus the 30 minute circuit so it would be like my 'last chance workout' however I didn't even make it to the gym today. I had every intention of doing so but got busy doing some things with my dad. I'm not upset or bummed and I don't feel like I was being sneaky and trying to get out of it. I just know that I need to get back on track tomorrow.

It's so interesting how my mindset has changed over the last month. I feel very mature. I feel like I'm facing all my issues and being responsible. And let me tell you... this being accountable thing is really nice. In fact, I really feel like this is a lifestyle change... not just a diet or something I'm dreading. I'm really lovin' who I am becoming here. I am also getting so motivated by reading blogs. I may not comment on everyone's blogs all the time... but I read them daily. I love reading what others are going through... and how the got past an obstacle... how they may have slipped and their plans to get back on track.. and of course the wonderful successes. I get so happy when people are having awesome days. Some I even know like 'so and so is going to be weighing in tomorrow... I can't wait to read how she did' .... lol and well with that I have a confession to make... I am no longer addicted to farming on farmville. (I don't know where I found the time to tell you the truth) I think blogging is my newest addiction..... but it plays in my favor because it's part of my weight loss therapy! Oh I love it.. lol.

So I mention yesterday I went to the Magic Kingdom. Well it was cold like in the low 50's during the afternoon and then when the sun went down it was in the 40's... and that's cold for Florida. Well I wore jeans, a shirt, and a sweater. Normally I hate the feeling of wearing my jeans... because they are size 16s... and they are super tight in my tummy area (and I refused to buy 18s) Well... .... they weren't so tight yesterday! Then today I wore a pair of capris that are Stretch 16s... and they were falling off! It really feels good to be losing the weight and changing my size. I carry the most of my weight around my stomach and I know that is a danger zone. I've been worried about it and now I'm actually doing something about it! This is really an empowering feeling!

Another confession: I bought the GoWear Fit! Why is this a confession? Because I literally can't afford it. Oh thank you plastic charge card that loves to be there for my impulse buys... only to charge me an arm and a leg of interest later. I got it off of <-- this is the actual link for the arm band on amazon. I'm really excited! GoWear Fit is much like the Body Bugg (which if you are a biggest loser fanatic like me... then you know that its a much needed indulgence). There is the armband which is:
  • Clinically proven to accurately track calories, steps, physical activity levels and sleep efficiency
  • Helps you set healthy weight loss goals – and reach them
  • Easy-to-use Online Activity Manager helps you monitor your progress over time
  • Optional Display gives you minute-to-minute updates
And then the other device:
  • Gives convenient access to your data
  • Can be worn as a watch, or clipped to your shirt, pants or bag
I've wanted the BodyBugg for quite a while (since I first saw it on Biggest Loser... yes yes... if they advertise it I want it... they got me!). As I've been reading through different blogs I have seen quite a few people that use the GoWear Fit and love it. So I'm in!

Well folks.. that's about it for now.... now I shall go read some more blogs..
Love Always,

P.S. HOLLLLLLYYYYYY CRAP I did it! I signed up for the spring soccer league.... which after I signed up I noticed there first game is Feb 9th..... tonight.... but oh well.... all they can do is say no. Maybe they don't have enough people to play and need me.... oh please oh please.... I love soccer... let me be on the team..... I'll keep you posted!

I Caved.....

I caved.... but I caved BIG TIME. One one side of the spectrum .. I was under my calorie allotment and in good shape.... on the other side... Peanut Butter is particularly in my eating regime right not. It isn't an everyday thing... (at least after today) But I am so glad that it was healthier than eating a huge thing of Edy's Ice Cream.. that still taunts me on the TV (How does it always know what shows I watch?). So after my last post.... I had yet another PBWWB (Peanut Butter on Whole Wheat Bread)... except I added Jelly.

On Saturday... I slept in and just vegged around for the day. My hubby and I went and got BWW (Buffalo Wild Wings) Again! I did pretty good... but I wasn't satisfied.... until later when I made myself another PBWWB with Jelly... I was under calories for the day but I didn't exercise at all... so I feel like I'm in good shape. And on a little side note... my glucose level started dropping! I really didn't know why it spiked.... and then it hit me saturday night..... my monthly came and sometimes that drives your glucose levels up. It had me freaking out though wondering what was going on. And... even with all this Jelly all of a sudden on the scene it hasn't affected my sugar levels.. .and I promise you that the Jelly isn't sugar free (I can't stand the stuff)
And with that side note I'm also a little bummed... because I'm showing a bit of a gain due to bloatedness. I'm happy though.. I'm happy my sugar level is coming back... and I'm happy that I am physically able to go beneath 222lbs.

So I got up this afternoon on Sunday. (Yes another sleep in day and it was just so good) I got up and around made myself a quick PBWWB and got a little piece of gouda cheese (I know the way I eat one would think I'm pregnant but I'm not lol) and I was out the door to go pick up my friend Amanda her daughter Kate and Amanda's boyfriend Aaron. We went over the the Magic Kingdom. It's pretty cool outside... in the 40's so we bundled up and walked all around the park. It was quite nice... but I stupidly forgot my pedometer. I know I busted out 10,000 steps today... we did a lot of walking. I also had a good cheeseburger.... I actually thought it was the best choice... with all the other choices available... but I was mistaken. I didn't do enough research on what options I had... so another lesson learned.... although again.. I'm not over my calories for the day. When we left there at 10pm... I was mad hungry but the only things open are fast food and I'm not too keen on at this stage in my life... so I decided to go home and make................................ grilled chicken, fresh green beans and a huge salad. And you thought I was gonna say PBWWB.. lol.... no lie I actually thought of it.

When I bought the loaf of break on friday, I thought it's so big I won't finish it and have to throw it out.... definitely not the case. It had 16 slices in it... I think there's only 6 left!

This week I've decided to exercise Mon - Fri and take Sat and Sun off. I think I enjoy it more that way. So Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I plan on doing 60 minutes or cardio and the 30 minute circuit. Then on Tuesday and Thursday my plan is to do 20 minutes of the other elliptical that kicked my butt, and then about 30 minutes of the spin bikes. Thursdays are a bit tricky so I may not to get to spend that much time at the gym. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Hope everyone one is having a nice and healthy weekend.. and starts off a great week!
Love Always,

Saturday, February 06, 2010

My weakness of the day

Just checking in....
I'm still in a rut with the whole glucose thing :o( Exercise and Diet aren't helping it go down... so I'm gonna monitor it for a while longer and then possibly go to the doctor.
Friday... pretty good day.. I ate awesome until after my workout....
I went into the gym and started on the Elliptical... I had no time constraints so I thought I'd do an hour and then we'll see.... Well the first 25 minutes was a piece of cake... then I died getting to 30... then I pushed myself to 35... and then once I got to 40 I told myself that was enough. It wasn't a justification on my part, nor a 'giving in'.... It was a respect for my body. Today my legs turned to Jello.... (A small clarification from yesterday's post... I made the comment that 'I hurt.... but it's a good hurt' When I wrote that I was thinking of the song 'Hurts so good'... well it actuality I meant that I ache... but a good ache... It's one of those I know I did really awesome and I'm building muscle kinda aches.. I definitely don't wanna do too much too fast... And I want to avoid injury at all cost.) So back to 'my legs were Jello' seriously.. I thought all right body... I hear you. I'm going to take tomorrow off and possibly Sunday (if my plans aren't cancelled).

However... unofficially.... I'm on my next goal to 215!!!!! I reached 220 today ... unofficially speaking.

So I mention I was on target today until after I got out of the gym... Well I went to the grocery store hungry like a retard (I don't know why I was hungry I've been eating my norm) So I'm scouring the aisles looking for dried cherries (they are awesome on salads with my pomegrante homemade dressing) when low and behold.... there is peanut butter.... and a few steps more and there is the rich aroma of bread.... and right in front of me.... is the perfect beverage of choice to wash it all down... MILK.... oh dear.... I got them too.... I caved... I mean it was better than a candybar... or that Edy's Ice Cream that kept flashing in front of my face while I was on the elliptical.... so I came home and made myself a peanut butter and whole wheat bread (PBWWB) sandwich with milk.... then my hubby came home and brought food... I ate really good... and then I was out in the kitchen making myself another one of my PBWWB with some milk...

Now right now... I'm pretty full... but for some reason It's calling my name right now... And I can literally stuff one with no problem what so ever... I just keep reminding myself that I don't want to undo all the awesome work I've done this week. ARUGULA

Well I hope everyone is making wonderful healthy choices... hopefully I'm one of them!
Love Always,

Friday, February 05, 2010

U Jellin' More like Jelly!

Well today was another great day! Yesterday I squeezed in gym time because I figured that I wouldn't be able to make it today. Well... I did make it today... and let me tell you! I was rushing though... I walked in the gym at 5:45pm and hopped on the the first machine that was open... which happened to be this awesome machine that literally kicked my butt. It's called a Cybex Elliptical Trainer... but it's not like all the other ellipticals I'm use to. This one feels like I'm standing and doing knee ups (where you bring one knee up to your chest and back down then repeat with the other leg.. over and over again) I was dying. I made it to 20 minutes... however because of my time crunch I got off it then.... but don't worry... I'll master it another day! I also did the 30 minute circuit... minus all the step boxes. (I'm on a time crunch remember) Then I jumped in the car... got home, let the dogs out, showered, dressed, and was on the road to my Thursday night meeting.

I hadn't planned on squeezing in a workout but I had a bit of a freak out this morning. It actually started yesterday at my moms. We were talking about a woman she works with who has PCOS and a lot of the same problems that I have... however she's not diabetic (that she knows of.....yet). So we were discussing all this and this morning I woke up and decided I better check my glucose level to see where I was. (Actually.... I was doing it to be smug because I had been doing so great!) Well it read 154. For all those of you who do not know what that means.... It's not good. A person's sugar/glucose level should be between 60 - 100 (according to the guidelines during 2009). My doctor said (before the new 2009 guidelines) told me that when your glucose level is 150 or above the sugar begins dumping out in your urine. In other words... your blood is full of sugar and your body is trying to figure out how to get rid of it.

So I'm freaking out... On Monday I had some white pasta (the devil's food) and I had a little dessert.... but this is crazy... that was Monday and this was Thursday morning. I had been on target Tues and Wed and hardly had ANY sugar intake. PLUS I had spent 3 hours at the gym between both days... and each of those days was a solid hour of cardio... how could this be? PLUS the last meal I had eaten was at 7pm.. then I had gone to the gym... so I had about 17 hours without food... (I would call that fasting). How could this be?
I ate 3 eggs this morning... and checked it a few hours later... 148... at least it was on it's way down. For lunch I went to Sweet Tomatoes (Awesome Salad Bar) and I ate my normal... which also includes about a 1/2 cup of the non-fat frozen yogurt... I almost finished it when I remembered my sugar level was high... Sometimes I'm such a doofus.... which is why I felt I had to squeeze in the extra workout!

I have been feeling great though... I hurt... but it's a good hurt. Tonight as I was leaving the gym my legs felt like Jelly... seriously... I was like "okay just walk slow... make it look good... you don't wanna stumble out of the gym.... okay walk slower.... crap my knee just gave out.... does it look like I'm shaking from behind.... why the heck did I park so far away from the dang gym... who does that anyway.... make it look smooth... just make it look smooth" And like a doofus... I started to get into my SUV and stumbled on the step that comes out.... at least I stumbled in the car instead of falling backwards :o)

But I feel great.. I seriously kinda didn't wanna NOT go tonight... I even considered going back after my meeting but then some might classify me as a gym freak. I could try to reason and say it dedication... but somehow obsessed would be on everyone else's minds. I know there is gonna come a time where I have to drag myself kicking and screaming to the gym... but I'm not there yet. I just love this high I'm riding.... (at least it's legal). Now I also truly understand one of my favorite quotes from Legally Blond:

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't."

If my husband is reading this... rest assure hunny... as long as I'm at the gym you are safe. LOL.. (He's a great guy I promise... and I love him dearly)

One other thing I wanted to post is pictures..... of my closet! (I'm still working on my before pictures) What is the relevance of my closet pics besides the fact of how proud I am that they are so organized?

Well.... I can't fit into about 95% of it... (no lie)... The shirts.. I can make it work and I usually wear a light sweater over it... and that helps to cover the fact that my jeans are way too tight. (I really refuse to buy new bigger clothes).

And this picture below... is all the clothes that are size 14 and smaller. (Everything I have hanging in the closet is 16 or bigger) These are clothes that I have never worn. Well maybe an occasional shirt or something... but the last 3 times I got into the 190's I went on a shopping spree buying all this size 16 and size 14 stuff... only to put it away when I started to gain. SOOO... I am so very close to wearing a lot of this stuff. I'm really excited. When I hit 210 I'm gonna try on the things hanging in my closet and see what fits... I'm gonna do it again at 200.

I'm really excited about it! I can't wait... things are already starting to be lose. In fact I have these 2 pairs of Capri's one if like an army green and the other is a STRETCH 16... I can't wait to kiss them goodbye. Besides all the clothes I wear at home these 2 pairs of Capri's are the only pants I feel comfortable with out in public... and I rotate them everyday... I can't wait to get rid of them!

Anyways guys... it's been real... and it's been fun.... but it's also 1am... and I'm exhausted.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday!
Love Always,

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

I gotta feelin.....

that today's gonna be a good day!
And it was! I love that song by Black Eyed Peas... I think it's one of those songs that will never get old or over played for me...

Here we go, here we go.....

Okay Okay... you've probably got the song memorized too! So I had a stellar day. I had a great breakfast and a great Linner.. (Lunch and dinner). I got this soup from Carrabba's Tomato Basil ... and it is beautiful. It has about 230 calories per cup... (I had two) and then I had a grilled chicken ceasar without caesar dressing. I made my own homemade pomegrante infused one. It's pretty awesome too.

I had Linner at my mom's house so on my way home... I was like I'm going to the gym. (This is a good thing... normally it's like I want an ice cream sandwich) So I went in a did an hour on the elliptical machine. It was great another 625 calories... gone... whoo hoo... I love it. I did the same thing yesterday. Afterward I did a few machines and called it a night... and I was hurting... a good hurt. I usually go to the gym every other day.... and now I know why. I feel so empowered though. I was at 45 minutes and I was thinking... "Man I feel great!" Then I thought... "okay maybe it's time to stop"... then I was like "Whoa... if I like it so much why do I wanna stop?"
The last 15 min was a bite difficult... but I made it and I'm still alive!

Something I came to realize... is the value of exercise. It took me an hour to burn off 600 calories. While I was at the gym I was going through in my mind trying to figure out how many calories the soup I ate was (I know I know wrong time to be thinking about these things) But I started thinking about things that I like... let's take for instance that ice cream sandwich.. it's actually one of those Toll House Cookie Sandwichs Yum! It has 500 calories it it. I could woof one of those down in minutes... yet it would take me nearly an hour to work it off. Doesn't seem quite as worth it as it use to before when I was unaccountable for my actions. Not saying I will never have one again... but I know I won't be eating several in an entire week (or sitting). Every time I look at that Ice Cream Sandwich I'm going to be thinking..."That will be an hour in the gym" Interesting huh... I'm starting to value my hard work.... (this is one of my random topics going through my mind while I was trying not to watch the timer on the elliptical....)

OHHHHHH BTW Unofficially I lost weight! I finally broke 222! But this is all unofficial until I weigh in on Tuesday. I'm excited though!

I have decided to start really focusing on me more. Call me Selfish... but I need to spend more time with me, and doing things for me. So last night while watching Biggest Loser I did my nails. This started making me think of things in a different light... like what else do I do for me. I use this Peppermint & Rosemary Body Wash... that just makes me feel awesome. I am making time for myself to go to the gym. I'm also making time for myself to read. This weekend I think I may go and get a spa pedicure... it has been so long (and I feel really sorry for the lucky person who gets to touch my feet)... okay they aren't that bad.. but they have been pedicureless for a couple of months now. I'm still working on my rewards system.. for all the new readers who didn't read my blog last month about it... I didn't want to focus solely on numbers... i.e if I lose X number of pounds I get ________. This may work for a lot of people and I'm not knocking it... it just doesn't really work for me that well. While I'm sure that I'm gonna have a huge party when I hit the 199 mark... lol I'm still gonna focus on other things. For instance I'm thinking of setting up my schedule weekly of my planned workouts and for every week that passes by and I stay on target... I would like to treat myself... nothing huge or big... just something special. I'll get back to you more on that.

Right now.. I'm relaxing with my sleepy time tea and is awesome. I love this pampering thing...

I hope everyone's day was successful! More Tomorrow!
Love Always,

Thanks Chrissy for the comment yesterday. I will definitely check that book out... as you know I love to read... Thanks for reading.. I hope that you find it inspiring.... Let me know if you have a blog.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Gyms are for people to workout!

I have really been out of it! Let me see...
The weekend was so-so. I turned 26 on Saturday and went out to the beach with my dad. On sunday I went to my meeting and then hung out with my husband because it was his day off. So no gym time... I really felt bad yesterday (monday).... it's so hilarious... for the past week and a half I have been driving by the new gym everyday to see if it's open yet... seriously everyday... However I totally forget on the day of it's grand opening (Monday). I felt horrible yesterday and just came home from work and went to sleep. Today, as I was walking out the door I just happened to remember it and thought... grab my workout clothes.. Well (and here's why it's awesome to have a gym between work and home) I was driving home when I saw the gym and thought... oh yeah I'm suppose to go. And it was exactly what I needed. I was so peeved today and it just felt good to workout.
The gym is so interesting. I guess you could call me a people watcher.... but I felt like I was in high school all over again... We got the certain groups of guys hanging around the certain weights.... trying to impress the ladies... who aren't really there to work out.... they just dress up in really cute workout clothes.. and all get on some machines while they laugh and snicker at the guys at the weights.... They jump on and off different machines and don't even work up a sweat! Obviously they are at the gym for a different reason than me.... but could they please stay off the machines! The gym is inside a not so popular mall.... and it's actually a hang out place for the teenagers who don't have cars... Guess I just gotta put up with it. I'm still so happy that it's between home and work.
Another thing that came to mind... that really upset me. My husband likes to poke my stomach fat. It drives me crazy. Well on sunday we were at our meeting (Church synagogue.. whateva floats your boat) and he started poking me again. I really hate it. It's like attention is being drawn there... and well if it's not I guess it's like it doesn't exist?!?!?! Anyways we get home and we are ordering chinese food (yes I was good) and he starts telling me that he was thinking I should go back to the weight loss doctor. He told me that he was thinking about it during out meeting today. I am being too sensitive? I feel like I'm not getting the right support. He told me before that my size didn't use to bother him, but after I lost 35 pounds and gained it back.... it really bothers him now. So now... I'm ordering chinese food... and I don't wanna even eat around him. I feel like he's watching my every bite. He keeps asking how my weight loss is going... and I feel like a failure already... so this isn't helping. But, I just blew a gasket... I was like... 'What do you think about this stuff all the time?' I don't want him to look at me and think... man she needs to lose weight... I want him to look at me and love the woman he married. Am I being too sensitive here? Am I crazy? Arugula..
Well... good news... It's biggest loser night! I'm gonna go watch it right after I'm done here. I really love that show and wish I could go on it. I would win too.... if I wasn't voted off. I really am competitive and love to do things in groups. I printed out the application before to do it... but you had to be a family... (this was when they first introduced families) then it could be couples... and well no one wanted to try with me.. and now I'm at a place in life where I can't do it. Who would pay the bills? NBC?
Oh so I weighed in the morning... deadon the same thing. However on my sides where my ribs are I'm starting to get a little chiseled. I decided I would join in with everyone and do monthly totals... but since I did my measurements last week.. I'm going to wait until the end of Feb to do them.
I hope everyone is having a healthy day!
Love Always,