Well this day started out nice... then I had a few decisions gone wrong and then I assumed something and ended up making an a#$ out of myself... (not in front of anybody though). I got up and decided not to go to the gym this morning because I was sure to get an awesome workout in at soccer tonight. I for some weird reason I didn't feel like making breakfast.... I sat down and ate a grapefruit anyway. I went into work.... finished up and then I went out to run errands and grab lunch. we went to a 7-11 and I got a meal replacement bar... (I saw it a few days ago and wanted to try it) I ate half of it as I figured it was probably going to be a late lunch (and it was). Then I also got dark chocolate covered almonds. So I'm on my way out to a few stores when my dad spots and ice cream shop he wanted to go in. He had just had a hershey's chocolate bar in which I reminded him, and I knew full well that I wasn't going to get anything. So we went into Barnes and Noble.... and I was feeling good about myself. When we headed back to the car my dad suggested we walked inside in which he then proceeded to choose something to eat. I DID AS WELL!!! I wasn't even thinking anything like it was bad for me... or calories... nothing I tell you. It was all mindless! Guess what I got.... 2 chocolate chip cookies with ice cream in the middle. I remember thinking as I was eating it... that I should have gotten only 1 cookie with a scoop of ice cream because they were enormous. After I nearly devoured it all... (btw I was done with it... but just kept eating more instead of stopping) I threw away the last 4 bites... about 5 minutes later I got a wicked stomachache.... That is when everything about this whole experience came to me..... then I was bummed that I got it when really I didn't want it, I was just hungry for real food. I'm pretty sure it was 500 calories plus... and I got extremely heartbroken.... I wasn't trying to 'sneak' one in.... or 'get away with something' (like I really would) I just blatantly made a wrong decision.
So then we are trying to find lunch..... and we go to Panera.... I got a ham and cheese sandwich on sourdough..... and a cup of new england clam chowder (2 days in a row.... ) I forgot to ask for an apple and they gave me the bread... and stupid me not thinking.... ate it.
As we are leaving.... I'm trying to add up everything I've eaten and to put me in some kinda ballpark figure.... and I just start rationalizing with myself that I was going to play soccer and I could burn up all the carbs....
We went to play soccer. I will say I did have a good time. I didn't play that hard... but I can tell I am in better shape than I was last week. My legs are definitely getting stronger. However... I didn't hit my calorie burn for the day... I didn't hit my vigorous activity goal either (30 min).... It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't eaten that stinken ice cream sandwich..... I'm a little hungry now... and I just don't even wanna eat. I'm a little depressed about how soccer went. My husband didn't wanna go... and then he made a couple of comments that put me in a bad mood. I seriously try to do my best. I do it with a good heart and try to with a humble spirit.... but someone has always gotta say something.... I gotta work on building myself up and stop taking peoples crap. (I got offended by one of the soccer players... and there were a couple other things that I'm just trying to roll of my back...) I'm in the mood to just go to the gym and run for a while.... get lost in some good tunes and a hard sweat... but alas the gym is not open and won't be for another 5 hours.
I'm really disappointed in myself. How am I ever gonna win at this if I keep screwing it up. While I know that this is something I'm just gonna have to work on... and practice makes perfect..... I don't wanna just shrug it off and think 'It's okay.... I'll do better next time' I know that I will... I know that I will get back up and continue this journey. I am really proud of myself and how far I've come.... I just don't want that old care free attitude to slip back into my life.... like it did today with the whole ice cream sandwich...... mindless mindless mindless..... UUUGGGGHHHH
I think I am gonna go lay down and watch a movie to try to get my mind off all this. Get a good rest... and I think I will spend a little extra time in the gym tomorrow. (Isn't it great when you just want to be at the gym.... and you want to spend extra time there..... I definitely am noticing an attitude adjustment..... )
I hope everyone's Wednesday went better than mine!
Have a happy & healthy Thursday