The Beginning

Friday, January 29, 2010


Well... today was the first day that I hit all the calories I'm suppose to eat for the day. For today it is 1400. Let me tell you... I was truckin' along through my day and I was done... so I tallied up my calories to find I had only eaten 855. I was like wow... I can eat more! I need to eat more!
So now... my stomach hurts... I didn't go over.. and I ate all healthy foods.... I'm just sooooo full...
I need to work on getting this down right. I'm going to break down my calories so that I have a more balanced day. Truthfully... had I not been counting the calories... I wouldn't have eaten that last meal... I would have been done with 855. Which may be why I'm not losing weight.... I may not be eating enough for my body to let go... Man.... I fell like hiring someone to do this for me lol.... Personal Assistant wanted.... It's be great if she could also exercise for me...
Okay... okay.. I know. But it was just a thought.
Tomorrow I shall start again.

So I can't get over this stuffed feeling... so I decided to exercise! I put on the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout... man... just the stretching had my heart rate up! Then I decided to test out the new 2010 Jillian Michael's Fitness Ultimatium... however I didn't have batteries for my balance board.. so I did what I could. I feel pretty good... still stuffed... and now really tired :o)
February starts on Monday! Can you believe Jan is already gone?

I think I'm gonna work in small goals now... I wanna get to 220... when I get there... I think I will aim for 215.... that way I'm only taking my goals a little at a time and soon I'll be under 200! I can't wait. Okay one step at a time.....

So guys.... My first goal... 220. Here I come :o)

Thursday, January 28, 2010



This is my word... like when I'm upset... or loss/void of words.... If you hit your thumb with a hammer.... some say S#*$.. I say Arugula.
Arugula... because all my stress just came at me at once. I'm so ticked off and I wanna eat... Good news is I don't want chocolate.... bad news.. I want some high carbolicious foods. Good news... I don't think I have any in my house. I don't know what to do to get over it. Talk about it?

What do you do to help you in moments of crisis, when all you wanna do is turn to food for comfort?


Please remind me that fried chicken and I don't mix. Please don't let me justify it. It's just not one of those foods that my body likes.... Lol. My husband had hot and spicy fried chicken wings and I thought I would have a couple. They were really good. I tend to stay away from fried chicken. In fact I don't think I've eaten it in 2 years! No lie. Normally I also can't stand how salty it tastes.... well I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. Alka Seltzer to the rescue... ughhh.

Thanks for the comments from my older posts. I don't think it was water gain.... I've been down on my heavy duty water drinking abilities.... I always weigh myself in the morning... every morning. Today I was down from yesterday so I'm going in the right direction.... I think I just need to do a few things to keep me on the right track. I also need to use the simple math. Calories in, calories out.

Okay so 'project 10,000 steps a day' is in effect. I'm working on getting it up there.
Tuesday I had 4,565
Wednesday I had 6,214
Now this was just from my normal day to day walking. I didn't do anything extra special to get those steps. I think I'm going to try to take a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood and that probably should have me hitting my 10,000 daily.

Ohh... I have some good news. Since I didn't have a weight loss for the week, I decided to measure my stomach and I have already lost 1 1/2 inches. Not bad huh. At least I have a little celebration there, and also the fact that I've stuck to my healthy eating plan. (Minus the fried chicken.. lol... but I don't ever wanna say any food is off limit... I just wanna make the healthiest choice).

So I've been looking for some pics. I have some 'fat pics' that I took but I'm not sure if I want to really gross ya'll out lol. So I was just searching on my computer and found some 'fat pics' I took in 2002.... and I thought 'Damn, I wish I was that fat....' lol I looked good. I had just graduated and was very athletic... so I must of weighed like 190 tops... :o( I'll get back there... and then go lower. Anyways.. I've found some pics... but they were from years ago. I've lost weight and gained it back since then.

This was in 2006 in Boston.. I weighed 240.

I like this pic of me. But this is my normal attire. I always wear a light sweater over my shirt because I'm hiding my poochy stomach.
This was October 2007. I stuffed myself in those jeans for my engagement shoot.
January 2009 - I was a size 20 bride. Although... the dress did look very nice on me... But they have a way of making any bride feel beautiful in whatever size.

May 2008 - I was hiding a tub of lard lol. I wore black because I thought I could hide it better.

So there is a few pics of me... to let you see a little bit of what I'm dealing with here.
I'll check in tomorrow
Love Always,

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


I gained 1.3 lbs.... I'd like to believe it's all muscle...
So I am now 223.3.... ughhhh....
Well I am going to start on counting my calories for today. I have 1550. I am going to vary them out as soon as I figure out what day I'd like to eat more and so on. This will help my metabolism from getting use to the same number of calories per day, in which it will help me from plateauing.

Thanks for the comments on my 2 posts last night. I've been looking into a website that I can easily track my foods. I'm going to check out the ones mentioned. Anyone else have any others to try? Anyone know of any iPhone friendly ones? I'll check back in later.

Figuring out the numbers....

Well... it turns out that I can't sleep. So I started thinking more about counting my calories... and what I need to do. I've been reading the Blog Body by Pizza and it has given me so much insight. I looked back on how she calculated her information.... here's how
I started reading and she used Jillian Michael's book Winning by Losing.... so I pulled it out too... and here's what I came up with.

First I figured out my basal metabolic rate (BMR) which is basically the number of calories your body burns just by being alive.... breathing, digesting, your heartbeat.... etc. So here's the formula:

655 + (4.3 x weight in lbs) + (4.7 x height in inches) – (4.7 x ages in years) = BMR

Male BMR equation:

66 + (6.3 x body weight in lbs) + (12.9 x height in inches) – (6.8 x age in years) = BMR

My BMR is 1792.9

Next came figuring in my ‘daily activity level’ score using five options:

Sedentary Physical Activity Level (desk job, other work that entails sitting down for most of the day). If yes, your score is 1.1

Light Physical Activity Level (on feet/walking around for 1/2 the day or more, e.g. stay at home mothers, salespeople, doctors). If yes, your score is 1.2

Moderate Physical Activity Level (on the move all day with a few limited periods of being sedentary, e.g. gardeners, carpenters, mail carriers). If yes, your score is 1.3.

High Physical Activity Level (constantly on the move with significant amounts of physical labor, e.g. construction worker, farm workers, movers). If yes, your score is 1.4

I scored a 1.2.

In addition to my BMR and ‘daily activity level’, I lastly had to figure in my exercise expenditure using a chart on the next page. Now... I'm not sure what my daily expenditure is yet. I'm pretty sure that they two days I've gone to the gym I've definitely burned at least 400 (which is also what Rachel did). In Jillian's book it says not to go by what the machines say because they don't use accurate info.... and what you need is a heart rate monitor. All the machines I use have a heart rate monitor... and they have to have your input like your height and weight... so until I do get a heart rate monitor.... the machines it is... (Unless Jillian wants to come and coach me :o)

Here's the math:

BMR x Daily Activity + Exercise Expenditure = AMR (Active Metabolic Rate)

BMR (1,793) x Daily Activity Level (1.2) + Exercise Expenditure (400) = 2550.4

My AMR is 2550

Okay so a pound of fat is 3,500 calories. And to lose 2 lbs per week... that would be 7,000 calories.

2,550 calories (daily AMR) x 7 days = 17,850 calories per week.

My goal is to lose two pounds a week, thus, I will need to create a 7,000 calorie deficit per week.

17,850 calories (weekly AMR) – 7,000 calories (equivalent to 2 lbs) = 10,850 calories per week.

Now I can divide my weekly calories (10,850) by 7 (days of the week) and my daily caloric allowance is 1,550 calories per day.

I'm going to finish reading up this book... well start :o) Book project #6 I think.... (I need a rainy day to finish some of my books) that way I can understand how to divy up my calories like Rachel did. She saves the most calories for her weekends which I think is a wonderful idea.

Okay now I'd better go to sleep I have to go to the gym in 6 hours.... Ughh.. I need some sleep.

At my wits end...

Hello all! I hope everyone is doing really well.. and if you aren't... I'm with ya... I'm just a bit frustrated. Seems things are just not going right. I've been eating great. Over the last 4 days I haven't had any processed food. (Besides some frozen yogurt). I decided I'd like to get away from processed things and work on not polluting my body. I'm also going more organic... hence the 'not polluting myself thing'. Yesterday I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill (a very fast walk at 3.9mph) for about 15 minutes, then did 30 min on the elliptical... (after 15 I was rationalizing getting off about every 30 sec.) Usually when I get on the elliptical I can go for an hour easy... but putting the walking in first.. killed me. Which brings me to another thing. I have a serious fear of running on the treadmill. The reason I was at 3.9mph was because I planned to slowly start jogging... but I couldn't easy get the courage to do it. It's weird.... and I'm sure the moment I do it... I'll love it. Tomorrow may be my chance.. I'm going to the gym with my friend who likes jogging on the treadmill. Anyways, I then ended my workout with a 30 minutes circuit and a few thigh machines..
Now that I'm in the swing of things, I need to start making goals.. That way I can use my time at the gym wisely and get the most out of it.

So why am I frustrated if my eating is going well, and I'm working out.... My numbers have not budged since I last weighed in. I weighed in at 222 I think it was Jan 12th. I plan on weighing in every Tuesday (stay tuned for tomorrow) but last week I was on a trip so I thought I would make this week a head banging week and show a bigger loss. Not gonna happen.. in fact I may even show a gain. I'm not understanding. I'm working out now... I've been eating great... why isn't my body responding??? I think I may need to start counting every single calorie that goes into my mouth. I've been following a few bloggers who do that.... and I can't just keep ballparking my calories. So that's one thing I can work on to start getting results.

So far I've been working out every other day. I'm working up to going 5 to 6 days a week. Tomorrow I'm going to the gym in the morning with my friend.. and then after work we are going skating.... I love skating and hey it's exercise.

Well I will be checking in tomorrow with my results.
Love Always,

Oh yeah.. I forgot... I thing I came across a blog called 12 Million Steps. It has really motivated me.... I wanna join in. This guy (Jared) has logged over 6.4 million steps so far. So I pulled out and dusted off my pedometers .... only to find out none of the 4 I have work... So I took one of them to get a new battery and it was hilarious. I put it on at Target, and I was walking around the whole story counting my steps out loud.... and then I'd check them with what my reading said. I finally got it working. I was putting it under my stomach over my knee as the directions said... but whenever I do that... I've walk like 100 steps... and it said I walked 250.... So I put it on my hip side... and got a nearly correct count... I counted 19 it said 21.... not bad. I'm gonna wear it tomorrow and I'm gonna start reporting my step count.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Gym Day 1

Well today was pretty successful for me! I got up (a little late) and went to the gym with my friend Amanda. I think her and I may be going to the gym together a lot more often. We have the same time slot in our schedule's to work with, however she has 10lbs to lose and I have 72 more to go... We shall see how it turns out. I was really excited with myself though.
I did the elliptical for about 15 min... I usually go about an hour but I was catering to the needs of her. Then we did a few machines that worked inner and outer thighs... then we did a 30 minute circuit. I really enjoyed the circuit. I was constantly moving and it felt great. As we were leaving we did the roman chair thing... I love that thing.. I feel it working.
I am going to the gym in the morning again. I think I will do Monday - Saturday with Sunday being my rest day.

Other than that ... fairly awesome day. However I am running on 5 hours of sleep. So I'm gonna go hit the sack and get about 10 hours to try to recover from the 5.. lol

Hope everyone is doing well.
Love Always,

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Quick update

Howdy partners... Hope everyone has had a successful day. I have... though it was filled with a little more stress than I can normally handle. I went to a buffet for lunch today, and I did awesome. I usually do... I go with a game plan and stick to it. Every now and then I slip up and have something but I'm usually good with them.... I have overcome that fear.

Yesterday I was reading MissHaneefa's blog and she had a quote:

"Never trade in what you want the most, for what you want at the moment"

This had a profound effect on me. Today while I at this buffet I thought about eating something and then this quote popped in my head. I think it has become my new motto. I started thinking in terms today as... 'If I eat this... I won't meet my goals'. The thing I want most is to be healthy. I want to not have to worry about becoming sick or having any kind of complications related to my weight. I really wouldn't trade my health for something like a piece of cheesecake that I will only enjoy the taste... and then feel like a failure. (Quick Note: I don't like the idea of saying I will never eat this... or eliminating any food groups entirely, but I know that if I tell myself.... 'it's okay to eat a piece of cheesecake because my diet allows it' then I know that I have just opened the flood gates if you will. I'm working on willpower.)

Well tomorrow I am getting up and going to the gym with my friend Amanda. We joined a gym together years ago and use to go workout. I found out this week that she belongs to the same gym I do. I'm working on getting a few people that I can rely on to be my gym buddies so they can kick my butt if I decide to become flaky.

More tomorrow, Love Always.... Amberly

Another Award!?!?!?!? Why thank you!

Awesome I got another award. I'm psyched. I'm glad that there are others out there who enjoy reading my blog. I hope it inspires you and keeps you going on your track!

Thanks Kaitlin of Everyday Grace

So the rules are I have to share 7 things about myself and then pass it on to seven of my fellow bloggers. Here goes!

1. The true real me that is under all these layers (ogre's have layers your know) of fat... and emotional layers of insecurity is just a big goof ball. I love to kick back and have fun. I'm not shy... but I do know that I'm different when the weight comes off... I feel free. When I'm packing the pounds I am just really serious.

2. I love finances.... I hate money though..... how does that work? Well I don't really know I'm just funky like that. I like to make sure that I'm in control of my money and not the opposite way around. I would truly hate being an accountant though. I think of it more as a life changing/altering thing... than a boring number crunching thing. Oh by the way... I'm kinda (unofficially) dyslexic too.

3. I am a people pleaser. I've learned this about myself in the past few years so I've been learning how to focus on me and not pleasing others. I truly feel that I am this way because of my weight. I try to please people because way deep down I feel like they won't like me otherwise. And unfortunately this lovely characteristic has come around to really hurt me. I've thought I have had really great friends in the past when I really learn that they are just there because I give and give and give..... but they give nothing back. I'm very grateful that I have realized this and am taking actions to protect me.

4. I'm a procrastinator... I put thing off.... infact I'll finish this tomorrow.
Just kidding. I think I put things off because of some sort of fear of doing the actual thing... then once I do force myself to do it, I think 'Geeze Louise... that was so simple I wish I would've done it sooner'

5. My newest passion in life (besides the whole 'deciding the fate of my life' yesterday) is cooking. I really love to cook. While growing up I could bake... I could make a few good things. I've always been afraid of spices.... not to eat them but to use them. I hate the idea of wasting a whole dish because it has way too much ______ (fill in the blank). However I met my husband about 3 years ago and he loves to cook. He throws things into a pot.. and voila... (not the frozen bag stuff) he makes some awesome dishes. Watching my diet though... I have to watch him because he cooks with tons of sugar, and butter, and BBQ sauce.... He can turn a 150 calorie chicken breast into 500 EASY.

6. I'm addicted to Farmville on Facebook. I admitted it.... that's the first step right? The game is so cute... and I love it. It has actually made me start planning out my own 'organic' garden in the back. I love planting and watching things grow. And if I spend half the time out in my real garden than I do on my virtual farm.... lol... than I would had a whole lotta food that I couldn't eat in a year. I like the idea though... I would love to eat foods from my own garden instead of buying it at the store... and I'm reading Jillian Michael's new book and another book called Gorgeously Green which both speak about the toxins in foods that are messing with the endocrine (hormonal) system. So I'm thinking of working on getting the pesticides outta my life.

7. I have an insane fear of grates in the parking lots... You know the sewer grates that you could accidentally drop your keys into... I can't walk over them... Is it because I'm overweight and somehow think I will fall in... In reality if my car (huge SUV) can drive over those suckers without budging.... than I think it can hold me.... I am at least 4,775 lbs lighter than my car...

So update on what's up with me. I'm great :o)
I got breakfast in.... (gold star)
Took a meal with me for work (gold star)
And then I got take out from carrabba's ... They have awesome fire grilled chicken!
I always get the grilled chicken ceasar salad. This time I tried some of their lentil soup... I really liked it... and I can add lentils on to my list of new foods I love that I once refused to eat.
Now that I'm thinking about it... I did not drink enough water today. Working on that tomorrow.

Last but not least: I decided to post my stats and some photos... that way all you all can see what I gots to work with ... Here are the stats and the photos will come a little later.

January 20, 2010
Weight 222
Waist 47
Abs 43
Hips 47
Chest 49
Below Chest 43
R Thigh 27
L Thigh 27
R Arm 15 1/2
L Arm 15
R Calf 17 1/2
L Calf 17 1/2
Neck 17

What I'm saddened about is.... when I was at my heaviest... my body measurements weren't this big... I've always carried my weight nicely. I've always been strong and athletic.... now I'm turning into a pool of fat :o( Don't worry it's all gonna change...

Hope everyone is having a great day!
Love Always,

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Did you forget about me???

This is given to me by Phil from So You Say You Want a Resolution Thanks!

The instructions that come along with this award are as follows:

1. Copy the image and display it on your blog.
2. List 10 things that make you happy.
3. Try to do at least one of them today.
4. Pass on the award to 10 bloggers who brighten your day.

Ten things that make me happy…..

1. Losing Weight
2. Nice Gestures from everyone
3. Meeting and succeeding my goals
4. The clean refreshing feeling after something has been cleaned/organized
5. Fitting into a smaller size
6. Brightening up someone else's day
7. Knowing that I can depend on myself
8. Giving
9. Laughing with someone
10. Taking a relaxing vacation

Did you forget about me???
Hahaha.... I hope not! Well things are going pretty dang well!! I got a little off track... but all is good. Last week (the day after my last blog entry I SWEAR) I flew to my hometown and spend a couple days up there, then my father and I drove back down to Florida... fun stuff let me tell you. I did enjoy spending time with him, however 18 hours in a car.... not really my cup of tea. So I got back on Sunday and was exhausted because we drove straight through. Yesterday I didn't get home until really late, I went car shopping. So I apologize for not being here... but rest assure I AM FAR FROM QUITTING!!!

So I told you that I went to Bahamas Breeze for my anniversary... and I had to have some onion rings. Well... this is the honesty circle and well I honestly ate every single one of them :o( I felt good though.. I felt that I didn't do so bad. I was discussing this with my mom when she encouraged me to go online and look up the nutritional values... so I did and I tallied all the things I ate up, and then the onion rings. I was shocked! I couldn't believe it! I was just recently reading a book that encouraged this kind of research if you really want to take charge of your diet. I already knew this... I knew that restaurants had much higher calorie foods (and very fattening) than it would be if you made them at home... But I was shocked and let down all at the same time. It turns out that I ate a 3000 calorie meal. (I'll close my ears while you gasp) I did great... but the onion rings were 2000 calories all by there little selves, and the two awesome sauces that go along with them... 500 combined. Had I not given in and had them I would have had a 500 calorie meal.

I will admit I was upset with myself. It made me feel like my efforts were all for nothing. How could I ruin it that much for myself. Alas... I have decided to really learn from this experience. I learn something about myself. On day 1 of my blog I posted about being accountable to myself and not letting myself get away with things... well this is my way of doing it. Not my intention, but the I again it is. I'm reading this other book (Okay I have about 5 books I am currently reading right now... don't try this at home) about personal finance and it speaks about non-decisions. When your excuses are "how was I suppose to know that" or "nobody ever told me" or "I didn't know I was doing anything wrong" etc... this is when instead of taking responsibility for our ignorance we shift the blame. Like you don't know how to refinance your mortgage.... so you don't or when you don't know how to properly exercise... so you don't. I commonly do this to myself.... I don't know how... so I won't and then when something happens... how was I suppose to know, no one ever told me. This incident at dinner is a perfect example. I have an iPhone.... I could have easily had the information in a matter of seconds... (I really didn't think about it at all at the moment, but I promise I'll be more aware next time)... yet I decided to go ahead and eat them because it's my anniversary and I'm doing so good and blah blah blah.... I chose to eat them.. and when I did find out just how smart my idea was, my first thought was to think.... but I didn't know... I thought.... then I just stopped myself. If I don't take control... who is? Besides it's not like I can tell me body.... "Hey I really didn't know so if we could let this one slide next time I promise I won't do this...."

Other news... I had my 'Aha moment'!!! You know how they say to do what you love... and sometimes what you love is just under your nose.... well I feel completely inspired. I know what I want to do as my next career move. I want to change peoples lives! Okay that may be a little to broad. I want to help people take control of their lives through weight loss. I've thought about becoming a trainer before... but today it just clicked. I have been watching the biggest loser since Day 1... it is one of my most favorite shows. Last week I was talking with my relatives about opening up a weight loss/ healthy lifestyles place... that was more than a gym. Dr. Oz gave me part of the idea... and then biggest loser helped fill in some holes... So I was thinking about this on my 18 hour drive home... and then I began reading (I know I know.... but I love to read man) Jillian Michaels new book 'Mastering your metabolism' and she wrote about how she first got started. I just feel so passionate about it! (BTW... Jillian if you are reading this... I don't wanna be your competition lol) Well... so then today I looked in on the gym that I can't wait to be opened and finished and they had equipment in there... but no one was inside... they had an office for recruiting new members so I decided to pop in and see when they are open. As I was walking in I got this idea to ask if they had filled all their positions. A little more info, I've been looking for another job to do along with my part-time job. I would like to work from like 6am - 12 or 1pm and then I can go do my other little job for a few hours and then home. After talking to the guy I found out that they already filled all the positions about 2 weeks ago... But the guy told me that in the first couple months they usually have some who decide that this really wasn't what they wanted so I should keep trying back. I told him that I was looking for the early morning shift.. and he told me that it's a hard shift to get into, but the guy that currently has it has to keep it for 6 months and then he will become the manager... so there potentially is going to be a job opening. I'm so excited... It's not even funny. I see this as a baby step to get to where I want to be.
Everything just kinda fits together in my mind. I love psychology... and started my degree pursuing it then switched to business. So I would love to finish with business, minor with psychology.. and then also become a certified trainer. (I have no idea how to do that yet...)

So first off.... I am my own project. My first success story! That means I need to keep sticking to my goals. I'm right no track heading in the right direction. Man... I just feel like for once in my life ... it just all makes sense...

Quick diet update... today I finally got back on track with my schedule. I missed breakfast... I know I know... and ate an early lunch. I went grocery shopping and had a wonderful dinner. I got a George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Fat Reducing Machine (something like that) and I busted that baby out and grilled some chicken. I made mushrooms and fresh green beans. I love green beans.... but now I totally love fresh ones. I thought I wouldn't like them because of some fear I had while growing up of vegetables... (apparently a lot of kids have it) but in the past couple of years I have been more adventurous. I always hated tomatoes.... now I love them... I was never an onion eater.... now I love them.... and bell peppers forget it.... NOW I love sauteing them with a lil EVOO and eating them with Kielbasa YUM... sorry I like food.... anyways I've been adventurous and I love fresh green beans...

More tomorrow.. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!
Love Always,

Monday, January 11, 2010


Today was an awesome day! Yesterday was pretty groovy too.
Yesterday was my 1 year anniversary! So to celebrate my husband and I went out to Bahama Breeze. It's this great upscale restaurant with a Caribbean flare. I did pretty good. I had to have some of their onion rings though... they are awesome.

Today I did pretty good although I still need to eat 2 more servings of protein. Today I also went and played soccer for an hour and a half.. in the cold (it's 35* here) I had a good time... and for not playing soccer in 6 months... I did really good. I was thinking of joining a team next fall, when I get more in shape... I think I might just submit my application now and see if I could swing onto a team for the spring. I miss the sport, and I love when you exercise without thinking about it.

I just went into the kitchen and I got a few small squares of a dark chocolate and orange candy bar I have. It's really good. I store it in the door on the top shelf where you would normally put your butter or eggs... What's on my top shelf? Besides the (almost gone) chocolate bar I have about 6 bottles of insulin. Funny isn't it... If you eat to much of one.. you have to start taking the other.

I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in 2005. Once I learned what Diabetes was.... then I really starting learning more about it and how to handle it. I thought I had a handle on it. Then in August of 2008 I went to the ER for extreme abdominal pain thinking that I'm just really bloated with gas that I can't get rid of... when in fact it was far worse. My blood sugar level was 340 and the doctors told me I was in DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis). So they worked to lower my blood sugar level and then they looked more into my abdominal pain. It turns out that I had pancreatitis. My pancreas was inflamed (we still don't know why it got that way) and stopped producing insulin which made my sugar go out of control. I thought I was pretty good at controling my sugar... however I really wasn't. Before that episode I had already lost weight 2 while being diabetic. You may be thinking.... that's great... but it wasn't... I was not watching my sugar at all and it was too high.... but I thought I was okay, and the sugar was dumping out of my blood stream into my urine. My body couldn't use the sugar because my body rejected the insulin it was making. This happens when you are overweight... and to put it simply.. the fat clogs the receptors for the cells that turn sugar/carbs into energy for you to use. So I had all this insulin running around... and all this sugar.... with no purpose.... and my body needed energy... so it took it from my fat storage... So I lost some massive weight in a matter of 2 months I was down about 60 pounds, no lie. I truly was telling myself that I was doing good... and blah blah blah. So this happened twice... in 2006 and 2007. Then in 2008 my body was like heck no.... While this may seem like a great way to lose weight... here's the problem.... when a huge amount of sugar runs through your blood stream .. actually it can't run, because it just thickens up... and there isn't any insulin to convert it to energy... it becomes, as my Dr. describes it.... 'like finger nail polish ruining through your blood veins' it when basically destroy all the major organs. I went to the hospital on a thursday... had I waited any longer (which I couldn't the pain was too much) I wouldn't be here today.

So wow... I was discharged from the hospital after a luxurious 6 Day 5 Night stay (and 4 of those night were spent in the ICU) and determined to change. I immediately changed my diet... and started eating healthier. I didn't lose the weight though. About 5 months later I was being rushed into the ER again... same problem... except this time my cholesterol was through the roof. I felt like such a failure. I had kept my sugar in control. But my eating habits... they just weren't doing it anymore. I needed change... complete re-vamp. I was released 3 days before I was to be married.... and it's a good thing... cuz trying canceling/postponing a wedding.... I don't wanna even know how much fun that woulda been.

I don't ever want to take any kind of medication again! I just can't fathom the thought of it anymore. I feel like someone who takes different meds for their cholesterol yet they don't change their diet. Like an oxymoron. I don't want to take the meds. Last April/May I met with a weight loss doctor who was a primary care physician... but decided to close down that practice, and help people with their weight. He closely monitored me weekly and put me on a special diet based on the Zone diet.... but it's kinda like an accelerated version. I did awesome on it before and I was half-way to my goal size (150) when I had some kind of emotional break down and I became depressed and just didn't care anymore. I wish I woulda just kept eating healthy.. but I didn't.

I know that I can do this the right way, I've done it before. I need to get healthy.... I'm afraid that my pancreas may shut down forever if I'm not careful... and then I will be on insulin for the rest of my life.

So tonight I saw the insulin bottles and it brought me back to all these memories. Why I still have them, I'm not sure. I can't use them.... all are out of date. I don't want to keep the memory of how I never took real care of myself.... I think for now though I need the memory to keep pushing forward. I need to see that I am my number 1 priority. If I don't take care of myself... who will?

Just Random thoughts... I hope things are going well with everyone. I wish you the best, remember to take care of you :o)

Love Always,

Saturday, January 09, 2010

It's snowing in Florida!

Today was a pretty great day! Nothing out of the ordinary (except snow in Florida) but I've just had a great attitude today. Maybe the last three days have cleansed my body of all the junk that was in it before. I don't know, but I feel great!
Today I've done exceptionally well with my eating also. I had:
Breakfast (gold star) 3 eggs and a grapefruit.
I packed along snacks and bottled water (gold star) apple, and a cheese stick.
I came home and had 4 oz. of kielbasa with Red, Yellow, and Orange bell peppers.

I'm thawing out chicken for dinner and having broccoli and green beans too. Yum!

This attitude adjustment is great! I'm loving it!
So other news... I decided to go to the gym today. There are 2 gyms near me (about 5 miles distance) however I have to go the opposite directions from my normal routes... so when I wanna go to the gym it's an extra trip. Now I promise I didn't pray about it... but all of a sudden one miraculously opens up between my house and work. Now I really have no excuse what so ever. So I geared up and brought work out clothes.... the only thing is the gym isn't open yet :o( It's still being painted and there is no equipment in there. A for effort?

While I was eating my breakfast I was watching the Dr. OZ show, and he had on an overweight mother with her overweight daughter to help them get on a healthy eating diet so they can loose some poundage... well Dr. Oz has a team of experts that help him and one of them, Principle Al said something that struck a chord with me... or gave me an 'aha moment' (whatever floats your boat). He said:

"A vision without a plan is a Hallucination."

Kinda like the ever popular 'If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.' But I started thinking about this quote... Normally I just throw myself out there and say this is what I weigh, this is what I want to lose, and this is my diet. But this time it's different. I feel the difference... I feel like I'm back in my weight loss mode that I was in last April/May when I lost 35lbs, but it's different... it's like 'I GET IT' this time around. So I'm making a better plan.

I've got my vision... I truly wanna be healthy. That's my goal... there is no number attached to this. I've set 150 as my goal to get to... but I don't know. I've been pretty overweight since I was a kid. I remember when I was 10 and I hit 200lbs...(then didn't eat for like a week cuz I was afraid my parents would find out) In High School I ranged about 180 because I played sports like crazy (soccer, volleyball, and track) but once summer break hit.. I would be up to 220. I ate anything I wanted because I worked out, and in the summer time..I obviously didn't. Once I graduated there was no more sports. Therefore I jumped up to 234 and stuck out around there for a while. My max weight I ever reached was 254. So I'm not sure how I will look at 150. My Dr. says that according to my height and their charts I could weigh 110..... yeah if I wanted to die. So I'm thinking get to 150 and reassess everything. I may think I need to lose more, I may think I'm just fine. I have no idea. I see the end goal in mind... but I'm really all about the journey. I want this to be a wonderful experience. I know hard at times, and I've already been there so I already know. But I ultimately want to grow through this process and take in as much as I can to truly benefit me. I don't want a lose weight quick scheme... I want a way of life.

So there's my vision. My plan.... I thought about this. I know many things work for many people... I've tried to say I'm going to lose X amount of pounds by this certain date... but that always fails me. I always become discouraged and in the past if I felt like I wasn't going to hit my goal I just gave up. I don't want this to be about numbers in that sense anyway. In fact... I made a goal in Dec. that I was gonna be under 200 lbs by my anniversary (tomorrow).... hahaha... I jumped ship on that one. So my plan is to take each day as a new fresh start. To continue keeping up with things I'm already doing (i.e. exercise, water intake.. etc.) and then add a healthy habit each week from 'Habit-A-Week' Challenge that Lyn does at

And here is a direct link to the Habit-A-Week Challenge page that she started in Sept 2008.

I also am going to work on coming up with a rewards system. When I lose so much then I am rewarded. I need some time to think about it first. I want to find meaningful things. For instance I said last year when I was under 200lbs I would get guitar lessons. I made it under 200, but returned there 3 weeks later and felt I didn't deserve the reward. I know that I want ice skating lessons. And one goal of mine is to join the Orlando Soccer Club/League whatever it's called in the Fall. So I will get back to you on my rewards.... and I figure I need to write out a series of goals that I would love to accomplish on the way.

So what's your vision? What's your plan on how to get there? Are you hallucinating? Are you just throwing out words or things you want, and just figuring that they will just become without you lifting a finger? Food for thought... what is it that you REALLY want?

Thank you so much for coming along with me on this journey. I cherish all those who read my blog and post comments. I cherish reading your blogs as well. They give me so much strength. I feel accountable. Thank you!

Love Always,

Friday, January 08, 2010

Pretty good day

Well today was a pretty good day. I got to spend time with a good friend that I haven't seen in quite a few years... (Hi Jules)

Today I ate:
4 oz Tilapia with Broccoli and Waldorf salad
For Dinner I went to the Olive Garden with my friend and had Zuppa Toscana and Salad.

I've done great! I still have the headaches but they are starting to subside. The only thing that I didn't do so well is planning. I know that this is crucial. I walked out the door today without any breakfast. I know I know... breakfast is the most important... it starts of the day... I agree with this all... but I have issues with planning. Before when I lost weight.. it happened with planning. I took a lunch box with me and had handy snacks such as apples, and string cheese... and of course water! This helped because of my hectic schedule I never know when I'm coming or going... So I'm going back to that. As far as my liquids go.. I just tallied it up and I'm almost to 100 ounces! I'm just gonna make myself some caffeine free hot tea and I'll probably be at 120 for the day. Yeah.... I get a gold star!

Yesterday I ate well also... except I had a weak moment. I got up around 2am very hungry... I ate a palm full of chocolate covered cranberries (bad amber) and 6 croutons (bad amber) and then I ate a grapefruit...

I stepped on the scale today just to check and make sure I'm heading in the right direction... I am :o) but I can't tell you until Tuesday officially. I weigh in with the biggest loser. I'm feeling good and I'm really motivated. I'm so glad that I can come here every night and read about everyones day, how they are doing... their struggles, and their accomplishments. This is all amazing to me. Keep up the good work everyone! More tomorrow
Love Always,

Thursday, January 07, 2010


Don't let the title of this post confuse you. I had an awesome day with my diet and staying on target. Usually when I first begin being strict, I get a headache. Probably my body saying....'What the heck... where did the carbs go?' 'What do you mean I can only have natural sugar?' So I always start a diet with a headache. It's not gonna kill me, I just decided to go to bed earlier and get some rest.
Disappointments... we all have them. Sometimes we have expectations that aren't met. It happens. I have major issues in this area. I can't understand why I can't find a friend to be as good a friend to me as I am to them. I'm always disappointed. I feel like I'm always giving, and not getting enough in return. Am I setting myself up for expecting too much? Normally disappointments make me feel very sad, lonely and depressed... and I will always find myself eating something. Today was different, whether it was because I was 'aware' the I'm sticking with my healthy eating plan or maybe I hit an all time low I'm not quite sure. I feel like I keep looking to rely on something or someone that can be my strength and then I find that I'm not even on their top list of priorities. Am I doing something wrong?
I know there are some deeper underlying issues here, a few that even relate to my relationship with my father. Ultimately... it's a lack of self-love. I know it, I admit it.... I just don't know how to change it. I keep falling back into the same pattern. I go above and beyond for people..... and get nothing back. I don't think that I do things for people just to get something in return... but sometimes I wonder.
I do things for me... not enough... But it makes me so much happier to be there for someone else... to help them out in someway. For someone to appreciate me. I think that's it. Appreciation. In fact it's acknowledgment. Attention?
Tonight my husband and I were on our way home and I mentioned something about our upcoming anniversary. It's our first one. I got really sad because I already feel that it's not going to be special. I began thinking... Why do I set myself up for this? Why do I have expectations? Don't I deserve to be treated special? I got on the computer and the first thing I thought of was 'man.... I wish I had those Reese's Peanut Butter Cups'.......... Literally out of no where I thought this. I'm not craving it. I'm not hungry... I'm rather full. Had I had any in the house they would have been demolished. It popped in my mind and it would not rest until it was satisfied, even though it wasn't out of hunger... it's out of emotion. Those are my thoughts for the day.

Now on a different note:
I started a temporary food log. I didn't have time to make one tonight so I began writing it done and I'll transfer it later. I ate very god today, not enough food though I still have another meal to eat but it's nearly 10pm and I'm just tired and in bed. I went for a short walk in the cold. I've almost drowned myself in all the water I need for the day. I'm proud of myself today. I can rely on myself.
More Tomorrow
Love Always,

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Re - Focusing

I decided to title this post 're - focusing' because I have been on this weight loss journey for sometime now... This isn't a beginning... and no where near an ending. I've been trying to lose weight for quite sometime now. Being honest though.... It wasn't until last April that I got the 'big' picture and started doing something about it. I was on a roll... on fire... nothing could stop me..... except brownies.... for some reason I couldn't break free from that one addiction. When all else let me down...... I turned to... my support system? Nope... my wonderful good habits that I had created? nuh - uh ..... the fact that I could depend and rely on my strong motivation to get through anything..... heck no....
I started back-sliding. The truth is I had been doing it while I was dieting. I hadn't learned my lesson. I was still rewarding my accomplishments with food. And when there was no one else.... there was food. I slowly started gaining the weight back... and now I've gained all that I lost.... plus a few. I've been trying to analyize all this... process it... trying to to look for answers. First I thought.... hey I turn to food as a reward... something goes well... let's celebrate! then I began noticing that I also punished myself with food.... and then I noticed that looked for comfort. I know that I am an emotional eater (obviously) but I don't know why. Why am I my own obstacle? I feel like I purposefully stop the success. Why can't I get passed that? What's wrong with me? How come I know what it feels like to do really good, and how it feels to be getting healthy..... yet somehow I think that that snickers bar is going to make me feel even better? Why am I sabatoging myself?
I'm tired of telling myself this time it's going to be different. I sound like a broken record. However this time is going to be different. I was watching a show the other day having to do with prisioners. While you start relating with the charcters you begin to question why the guards and other prision employees don't give them a little slack. Once they do you feel a bond of trust going on, you feel connected. Then all of a sudden they break out of prision and you're like 'yeah run faster.. don't let them catch you'. That's when I got an 'aha moment'. The guards run a tight ship. They can not have a single thing go wrong on their watch, even if they feel the smallest inclination to give the prisioners a little freedom. I feel like I need to run my weight loss journey this way. I always start out doing all the things I'm suppose to be doing, then I start to slack a little. Then when I see that I treated myself but the scale is still in my favor what do I do? Continue on my path of sabatoging myself. For some reason deep inside I truly don't want myself to succeed. Why? Am I scared? I give myself a little 'slack' and then my journey crumbles before my eyes.
So this is my plan....
1. As of tomorrow, I will write every single bite down. No exceptions. This will allow me to see what's really going in and be able to control things. I've done this before, and I lost weight keep a food log. For some reason though I always have slacked off and then I start with my downward spiral.
2. I must get my exercise in whether it being 30 minutes a day, or more.
3. I have to be honest with myself, and in turn be honest with you.
4. To keep this going, and my focus to be on my overall health, I must post a blog daily. Unless my computer is fried, the electricity goes off or other logical excuses, I must post daily. My idea here is to keep my goal focused on this journey. If I feel like I got everything under control and I'm eating fine, I'm afraid I will slack off again. So I will be accountable in two areas my food log, and my web blog.
5. I must also get my daily intake of fluids.

So now the ugly... the statistics. I am going to re-weigh myself in the morning, and also take down my measurements and any other info that I need to gather and I'll meet you back here tomorrow to let you know how I'm doing.

Love Always,