Insulin-Resistant

Today was an awesome day! Yesterday was pretty groovy too.
Yesterday was my 1 year anniversary! So to celebrate my husband and I went out to Bahama Breeze. It's this great upscale restaurant with a Caribbean flare. I did pretty good. I had to have some of their onion rings though... they are awesome.

Today I did pretty good although I still need to eat 2 more servings of protein. Today I also went and played soccer for an hour and a half.. in the cold (it's 35* here) I had a good time... and for not playing soccer in 6 months... I did really good. I was thinking of joining a team next fall, when I get more in shape... I think I might just submit my application now and see if I could swing onto a team for the spring. I miss the sport, and I love when you exercise without thinking about it.

I just went into the kitchen and I got a few small squares of a dark chocolate and orange candy bar I have. It's really good. I store it in the door on the top shelf where you would normally put your butter or eggs... What's on my top shelf? Besides the (almost gone) chocolate bar I have about 6 bottles of insulin. Funny isn't it... If you eat to much of one.. you have to start taking the other.

I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in 2005. Once I learned what Diabetes was.... then I really starting learning more about it and how to handle it. I thought I had a handle on it. Then in August of 2008 I went to the ER for extreme abdominal pain thinking that I'm just really bloated with gas that I can't get rid of... when in fact it was far worse. My blood sugar level was 340 and the doctors told me I was in DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis). So they worked to lower my blood sugar level and then they looked more into my abdominal pain. It turns out that I had pancreatitis. My pancreas was inflamed (we still don't know why it got that way) and stopped producing insulin which made my sugar go out of control. I thought I was pretty good at controling my sugar... however I really wasn't. Before that episode I had already lost weight 2 while being diabetic. You may be thinking.... that's great... but it wasn't... I was not watching my sugar at all and it was too high.... but I thought I was okay, and the sugar was dumping out of my blood stream into my urine. My body couldn't use the sugar because my body rejected the insulin it was making. This happens when you are overweight... and to put it simply.. the fat clogs the receptors for the cells that turn sugar/carbs into energy for you to use. So I had all this insulin running around... and all this sugar.... with no purpose.... and my body needed energy... so it took it from my fat storage... So I lost some massive weight in a matter of 2 months I was down about 60 pounds, no lie. I truly was telling myself that I was doing good... and blah blah blah. So this happened twice... in 2006 and 2007. Then in 2008 my body was like heck no.... While this may seem like a great way to lose weight... here's the problem.... when a huge amount of sugar runs through your blood stream .. actually it can't run, because it just thickens up... and there isn't any insulin to convert it to energy... it becomes, as my Dr. describes it.... 'like finger nail polish ruining through your blood veins' it when basically destroy all the major organs. I went to the hospital on a thursday... had I waited any longer (which I couldn't the pain was too much) I wouldn't be here today.

So wow... I was discharged from the hospital after a luxurious 6 Day 5 Night stay (and 4 of those night were spent in the ICU) and determined to change. I immediately changed my diet... and started eating healthier. I didn't lose the weight though. About 5 months later I was being rushed into the ER again... same problem... except this time my cholesterol was through the roof. I felt like such a failure. I had kept my sugar in control. But my eating habits... they just weren't doing it anymore. I needed change... complete re-vamp. I was released 3 days before I was to be married.... and it's a good thing... cuz trying canceling/postponing a wedding.... I don't wanna even know how much fun that woulda been.

I don't ever want to take any kind of medication again! I just can't fathom the thought of it anymore. I feel like someone who takes different meds for their cholesterol yet they don't change their diet. Like an oxymoron. I don't want to take the meds. Last April/May I met with a weight loss doctor who was a primary care physician... but decided to close down that practice, and help people with their weight. He closely monitored me weekly and put me on a special diet based on the Zone diet.... but it's kinda like an accelerated version. I did awesome on it before and I was half-way to my goal size (150) when I had some kind of emotional break down and I became depressed and just didn't care anymore. I wish I woulda just kept eating healthy.. but I didn't.

I know that I can do this the right way, I've done it before. I need to get healthy.... I'm afraid that my pancreas may shut down forever if I'm not careful... and then I will be on insulin for the rest of my life.

So tonight I saw the insulin bottles and it brought me back to all these memories. Why I still have them, I'm not sure. I can't use them.... all are out of date. I don't want to keep the memory of how I never took real care of myself.... I think for now though I need the memory to keep pushing forward. I need to see that I am my number 1 priority. If I don't take care of myself... who will?

Just Random thoughts... I hope things are going well with everyone. I wish you the best, remember to take care of you :o)

Love Always,
Amberly