The Beginning

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

And that's how I got out of jail.....

I've disappeared... actually it was the most amazing thing... I was kidnapped. I told my captor that I just had to blog because I needed to stay accountable and I really want to win at this weight loss thing and I'm not a failure... Well... Then I was taken on this roller coaster of a ride.... physically and emotionally... It all started after my last post. I told you that I was dreading my trip to Arkansas.... well.... I literally finished typing my last entry and then my dad showed up we packed my gear and my good food... I got into the truck to start driving and was met face to face with temptation.... a yummy chocolatey custard filled donut. Now if you remember my last post (I'll give you a moment to go back and read it...) I was talking about how I was preparing myself so that I would have a good trip and not eat everything in site... and if you read it you get the vibe that I was strong willed and knew what I was doing.... so then you may ask when faced with my temptation what did I do? You don't have to ask silly.... I downed that mother in 6 seconds flat...

And that was just the start of it all. I started feeling bad... and I was driving so it's not like I could just whip out my salad and eat... so we pull into a Chik-fil-A.... and I had chicken nuggets and french fries drowned with Chik-Fil-A sauce.... don't worry thought I had an unsweet tea (because I'm health conscious). Then I continued driving like there was no tomorrow. I had some peanut butter filled pretzel bites and sometime after that I downed my first candy bar... then my second.... and then many hours later my third. (Remember I was captured... this was all forced). We get to the Arkansas state line with about 5 hours left to drive and I get Subway (I know I'm shocked too). Once we got there we got to sleep for about 5 hours and then we hit the town (I only had about 24 hours before I was to fly out). For lunch we had mexican food... holy gaucamole! It was delish.... and for dinner we went to Outback Steakhouse.... I ordered my normal huge salad and a quesadilla.

Next morning I got up and cooked food. This is it... time for the healthy food. I made scrambled eggs... sausage links... and biscuits and gravy. Heavenly... but not healthy. I packed my bags and we went shopping. On our way to the airport... I stupid downed this reeces peanut butter candy bar (only cuz I've never tried it before) and made myself sick... so what do I fix that with? Taco Bell. Once upon a time ago I use to be addicted to the stuff... the past 5 or 6 years I wouldn't really touch it... Now all I can crave is Taco Bell... I think I woke a sleeping monster.

I got back that Sunday evening ( 1 week 2 days ago) and it's been down hill ever since. (And you thought that was the end of my story?) I've consumed Taco Bell 3 more times, Chik-Fil-A twice, Papa Johns, Buffalo wild Wings, and other things. The truth is my captor is the old me. It slipped in and took over and I let myself go willingly... I didn't put up a fight... I just submitted to new leadership. What is interesting is that I have my comfort zone. When I'm home I can stick to my plan. I don't bring food that I know will mess me up into the house. This really is my safe zone. I always mess up when I leave town... or when I get off my routine (like nor preparing and having to eat out) This isn't an excuse... I'm just recognizing patterns. I need to be more aware when I leave home... and keep close tabs on my diet. I want to win at this thing... not hide scared and afraid that I may not be able to handle the big bad world... so I need to take baby steps. Home is my safe haven... but I need to make sure that I can handle things when I'm out and about.

I'm grown... I know how to make smart decisions...
I'm strong.... I don't need to fall victim to my old ways
I love me... I need to start showing it and taking care of myself

If there is any good news out of this whole thing it is..... I'm back and taking this as a lesson learned.

On a side note: I stepped on the scale this morning I weigh 221. Which is nice since a few days ago I was like 228.. So as of right now I'm just a few more pounds than I was down to. I'm also refocusing. Starting back at square 1 with the my diet. Throwing out the stuff I don't want to eat (like taco bell, chik-fil-a pizza), and reclaiming the things I love (grapefruits, kielbasa with peppers, curry chicken).... I'm throwing out all this processed garbage.... I want to feel the way I felt when I was on my gym streak and eating all the right things. I felt like a million bucks.... I didn't feel sluggish (and dare I say big)... I felt like and athlete again. I love that feeling. I like being fit. I like treating my body well.

Watch out world... here I come


  1. Whoo Hoo! Welcome Back! Missed you! When I am out of my comfort zone, danger is literally at ever freaking convienance store or fast food place. Its hard! I am glad you came back and see what happens. Hopefully next time you will be more prepared. just don't hide out. Cause I was ready to call the alphabet soup on your butt(CIA, FBI, TCBY and TGIF)cause thats where I can be found when I M.I.A. Back on that horsey dear!

  2. I'm so glad you are home now!!! LOL. Get back on track missy!!

  3. Good to know that IM not alone either! We can and ARE going to do this! I had two off weeks, so my first goal is to have two ON weeks..

  4. I've been having those Taco Bell cravings too. All of a sudden I've been wanting some chicken wings. It's so hard when you know there are other food choices that can taste so much better than what you're currently having to eat. Welcome back. I'm looking forward to your new vision of you.

  5. Yeah! Your back, I missed you. Don't worry my dear we are going to fix you and soon you will be back to your healthy blogging self!

  6. Awesome lost!

    And we all go through these eating dilemmas. Sounds like you're back with a vengeance so can't wait to see you demolish your goals!