Losin it with Amberly!

Things have been going really well. I still have my new mentality. I haven't cheated at all... nor have I even wanted to! I'm really happy with myself. Tomorrow is Saturday... and I am taking a personal day. I'm always off on Saturdays... I mean I am not gonna go run any errands... I'm going to stay home and organize some stuff and play with my dogs. I just want a slow and relaxing day. I've had a pretty hectic schedule and have been doing a lot on little or no sleep. I do want to go to the gym tomorrow... other than that... I'm a homebody!

I just realized that I didn't even tell you that I'm going to Las Vegas on August 10th!!!!! I'm excited. I'm going to plan a business seminar for the upcoming year ... but it will kind of be like a vacation!  11 Days to go!!

I was listening to the Dave Ramsey radio show... (debt guidance guru) and there was a quote that was said that I love.... not sure who said it though.

"Discipline is remembering what you want"

Totally loving it... In fact I'm always saying it. It's my new slogan lol. But it's true... when you remember what you really want... you keep yourself from falling off the wagon.

I went to my weight loss challenge meeting tonight and guess what! I lost some weight!! Since I didn't go to the doctor this week, I will count this as my weekly weigh in. I am down 5.1 lbs!!!! Whooo hooo!!! And it was a nightly weigh in... I always weigh in the morning for true and accurate weight, so I know I am down more....  I'm thrilled!

My husband and I booked a little getaway during Labor Day weekend in Sept..... So I was hoping to be under 200 by then.. (Well actually I'd totally love to be under 193... the weight I was when we met..... but under 200 is probably a stretch as it is).

Well I think I am going to turn in early tonight. I need to catch up on my sleep!!
Hope everyone has a happy and healthy weekend!!
Love Always,
Amberly

My Awakening

Over the last few days.... things have changed. I have a new mindset. Suddenly I began feeling the importance of this journey. It's such a wonderful feeling. I am feeling more responsible... more mature. I've written about that before... however it was because I was making the right decisions.... This time it's different. For instance after work today I met my husband at our favorite restaurant Bahama Breeze (Absolutely Fab for anyone loving Caribbean themed food).

My usual order is: 

'Crab, Shrimp, Mango and Avocado Stack'

Jumbo lump crab meat, chilled shrimp, fresh avocados and apple-mango salsa layered and stacked; with a spicy honey-red pepper drizzle.

'Creole Baked Goat Cheese'

It's Goat Cheese roasted red bell peppers served with vine-ripened tomato salsa and parmesan toast rounds
These are my appetizers. The Creole Baked Goat Cheese is amazing... but my down fall is that I will eat the whole thing... and it comes with 15 - 20 parmesan toast rounds (This is not on my diet... I could have an ounce or two of the cheese... but that's it).

And for Dinner I order:

'Jamaican Grilled Chicken Breast'
Jerk seasonings, mango glazed, with mango pineapple salsa, cinnamon mashed sweet potatoes, seasonal vegetables.  

I end up taking half of this home for a later meal. On my diet I am not suppose to have the cinnamon mashed sweet potatoes. Usually I will order the Goat Cheese appetizer knowing it's a downfall and I'll tell myself that I am "Allowing" myself to have it.... but who am I fooling... I'm just sabotaging myself. And when I order my dinner... I'll get the sweet potatoes anyway....

So how is it different this time? I went to the restaurant and ordered only the 'Crab, Shrimp, Mango and Avocado Stack' and when I ordered my dinner... I asked for double green beans instead of the sweet mashed potatoes. And then I only ate half the green beans and a few bites of chicken. I brought the rest home.

So I made some good choices... I've done that before... How is this time different? I didn't have to tell myself before I went to the restaurant what I was getting. I just went and ordered.... as if it was natural. I didn't feel like I was 'missing out' on anything. And I enjoyed spending time with my husband, and the atmosphere.... it wasn't about the food. It was just another meal I had. Sometimes I would make it all about the food. I felt relaxed and laid back.

Other things going on... I'm slowly taking control of other aspects of my life. I use to be a neat/clean freak. Over the last year I've had to deal with some depression. I felt like I was stuck in a rut.... that I couldn't get out of. I didn't want to do anything.... I kind of let myself go. I was doing so well at the beginning of the year... and then around March or April I just kind lost that spark.

Something has got me going, and it's getting stronger everyday. I'm coming up on my 2 year marriage anniversary in January... and it's been a bit hard at first. They always say that the first year or two are rough. It has been a bit rough at times. It just seems to all be coming together now. I guess I am fitting into my role as a wife... I'm not really sure, but I feel the spark or the passion in my life back.

I've started making goals and plans. It's not about "If" I accomplish them... it's "when". I have a pretty big 'TODO' List and it isn't over whelming.... I'm starting on things and knocking them off one by one. It's this mindset in me that has me realizing that I am going to reach my goal weight. I have never before been this sure of it. I have been journaling (in my personal journal) more... trying to get to the bottom of this new mindset. Could it be that I love with myself again? I've always loved myself but never enough to do what's right for me. I've always let my people pleasing faux pas completely have control over me... I've put myself on the back burner. I know that I'm doing things for me. This isn't about anyone else....except me.

As I embrace this wonderful feeling and work on finding it's true origin... I know one thing is for sure... I love am truly enjoying this journey. I'm having a lot of self-realizations and learning a lot about myself. I'm also becoming a new me. In my adult life I have never been healthy... I have never weighed under 193lbs.... I really truly (once all the layers have been peeled back) don't know who I am. Things that have defined me in the past... are no longer apart of me anymore. I've been used and abused (mentally) in too many different relationships.... I know that these people have their own issues and they are to blame for being that way... However I am taking full blame for allowing myself to be the victim. I am no longer a victim.

I hope that each and everyone that is going through their own journey has this awakening that I have had... Because it feels totally freaking awesome!

Have a happy and healthy day!!!
Love Always,
Amberly

Soccer Tryouts

So I had the soccer tryouts today. It was pretty good. I actually did well, usually I have this thing about sports and first impressions.... (doesn't really work well) but I did very well. I will find out in a few days what team I will be on! I'm excited. We played indoor... the coach said that every time she schedules tryouts it always rains, so now she just holds tryouts in the the indoor arena.... One major problem.... no air conditioning! We were dying! They had fans on... but it didn't help that much. It was so hot in there that I would get that really sick to my stomach feeling. They even alternated us every 10 minutes off the field for a water break just so we wouldn't die of heat exhaustion. All in all it was pretty good though.

Tomorrow is Monday.... fun stuff... I have to work, and then I have a nice little class to attend... I also plan on going to to gym and I think I'm going to start doing some jogging... I need to work on endurance... well first I need to work on jogging steadily for 5, 10, 20 minutes....

Other than that... I'm doing pretty good... I'll check in later. I made some Hibiscus tea and I'm going to sip on it before I go to sleep.
Goodnight everyone
Amberly

Update

I went to the doctor yesterday. I stepped on the scale before I went and I had lost 4lbs... SCORE... then I got to the doctor and gained .6lbs :o(  I drank some water on the way there... but not 4.6lbs worth!!! I know that doctors scales usually are different from home.... but I was so bummed. The nurse was like "okay what happened this week" and I was in disbelief. I worked out on Wed, Thurs, and Mon. I have been sticking closely to my diet. I had Sushi on Saturday... but only a bit and that once wasn't enough to throw my whole week out of a loop. My husband said its probably that I've gained muscle... which is a good reason.... however the nurse wasn't buying it. Ughh... I hate that. I'm not going to the doctor weekly and paying out of pocket for me to lie and say "I don't know what happened".... I have no reason to lie.... this is for my benefit. I showed her my food log, and she gave me a paper that had a boring layout of a weekly food log and told me she wants to use that. Well.... suck all the fun out of everything. I have an appt. in two weeks... (they aren't there next week for some kind of conference) I hope to lose 20 lbs.... just to be like SEE ITS NOT ME SABOTAGING MYSELF.... but then they will think that I just got it together because of the last weigh in...
So you know what I say. I don't care what they think. And if I feel like this in the next visits to come, I may need to start looking for a new doctor. Okay that's my rant... I'm done lol.

GYM
So I have been going to the gym... I've been doing 30 min on the elliptical and 20 minutes of weight training. I notice my thighs are really shaping up.... I can fit into these shorts that I could not wear like 2 weeks ago. I use to sit down in them and the hem of the shorts would act like a belt to my thigh fat and there would be spillage.... not any more... I'm floating around in them.

MEASUREMENTS
I took my measurements at the beginning of June when I first went to the doctor, and so I figure I will retake them at the beginning of August.

WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE
I joined that weight loss challenge. It turns out there is only one other person doing it. She weighs 215, (right under me) but I figured I would do it and keep it up so I could help her. I think she's in her late 40s, maybe early 50s and she was just diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, and I thought 'Hey I already got that... I can help you.' I also know me and I like helping people. It's a shame to say... but I am not a self motivator.... I am motivated when it comes to helping other people. I don't know why... just I've always been that way. So I figure I'll stick to this challenge so I can help her, which in turn will help me help myself!

VOLLEYBALL
I haven't joined or called about it yet. It's on Saturdays, but I have another obligation this Saturday, so maybe the next one.

SOCCER
Tryouts are on Saturday!!! I'm really psyched but I haven't done any running, and they are going to be playing on the large soccer field... I think I'm gonna die!!! I saw these girls play in February.. and of the teams I saw there were a few heavy set girls... and then there is a team that actually plays for the University of Central FL and the play here on their off season... Hey you never know... this might be my way in to play for the University... could you imagine.. me going pro.... and it all started out because I wanted to loose some weight. Okay so maybe that won't happen... but if it does I'll sign autographs for you guys ;o)

Well that about covers everything that I've been working on lately. A few entries ago I posted that I would work on 5 things... Going to the doctor, weight-loss challenge, daily exercise, soccer, and write everything down. All things are going good.. I am writing everything down also :o)

I hope everyone is having a happy and healthy day
More lata,
Amberly

End of the day update

So today went awesome!
When I last posted I was eating lunch. I had a huge salad from Crispers (my newest favorite place in the whole wide world!!!!) and then I went off to run some errands. I got a chicken sandwich (minus the bread) and an unsweet iced tea from Mickey Ds and then went to the gym. I did about 30 minutes on the Elliptical keeping my heartrate around 136 (Doctors Orders) and then I spent about 20 minutes on weight training for my upper body. I feel great!! Then I ran a few more errands and came home. I'm catching up on some much needed TODO lists and organizing my home office desk. I just ate my last meal of the day a little while ago (4oz of seasoned King Fish... really good!!)

So to add to what I was blogging about earlier today, about changes..... I forgot to mention that there is volleyball every Saturday morning. I use to play in high school. I think they play every Saturday for like 4 hours. I know that I'm putting a lot on my plate it seems... but I know me... I know that if I'm not continually moving forward and keeping myself occupied... I will slack off.

Also I was just chatting with one of my friends about taking a trip to Vegas. We were kind of planning it the 1st weekend of December. She wants to drop 30lbs, and I want to drop as much as my body will allow at a healthy level. There are 20 weeks between now and then. She has to lose 1.5lbs to meet her goal. I was looking at like 4lbs a week to meet mine. However I know that that is not reasonable. I am thinking 2 lbs a week (but really aiming at 4 lol). If I did manage to lose 4 a week that would put me at 141lbs!!! which my goal weight is about 150 or so... (I was gonna figure out where I want to be when I got there). If I achieved 2 lbs a week that would be 181 and that would still be pretty amazing. But now I'm excited because I have a deadline. Whoo hoo!!

Anyhow, I'd better get to sleep. I hope everyone had a great day!
More tomorrow,

Love Always,
Amberly

Keeping the weight at the forefront

Well I had my 14 year old cousin staying with me for almost 3 weeks. I really had a lot of fun. She has a vivacious personality. On a good note I was able to exercise with her. She is worried about her image as every teenage girl seems to be. So we got to go to the gym and we worked out at home. With that being said I went to the doctor today and I have gained 1.4 lbs in the past month... not bad (considering I cheated a lot of the way ... remember I had a 14 year old teenager with me) but not good.... because this is July and I feel that I am failing at my commitment to myself. So after doing a bit self-evaluation... I have decided to make a few changes... and some additions.

1) Keep going to the doctor weekly - Keeps me on track and focused. I like having a doctor supervise me as well... It makes me feel accountable, and if you remember from when I first began this blog... this has been my problem from the start.

2) I joined this weight-loss challenge - It actually starts on Friday for 9 weeks. Its $50 for the entire 9 weeks, and they have a money prize at the end of the 9 weeks for the top 3 winners. Which is nice... but I'm really doing it for the motivation. Also the people in the challenge will live near me, so maybe we can create a walking group.. or SCORE - MAYBE THEY ALL GO TO MY GYM!! Then I can have workout buddies.

3) Daily exercise - This is something I've always said... but never really followed through. My doctor wants me to do 20 minutes a day of walking, treadmill, or elliptical (heart rate at 136) and then 10 min a day of weight training.... alternating upper and lower body. This is so doable. So everyday I am going to pack a gym bag so that on my way home from work (or to work) I can get my workout in.

4) SOCCER - I love soccer so much... if you couldn't tell already. There is a summer session that ends at the end of AUG... and basically I will get to play twice a week. Then at the end of Aug I will hopefully make the woman's competitive soccer team (tryouts are July 16... oh crap that's in a few days .. where has the time gone?) I was also thinking about doing the Co-ED team as well (they play on different days).

5) Write everything down! - This is a no brainer... and I usually do well with this... but on my busy days I have a tendency to not write anything down and try to catch up at the end of the day. NO MORE... it truly doesn't take that much time to jot down what I'm eating and what time it is.

So far that's all I got.. but it's a pretty good start. You can also see how I'm trying to make weight-loss/healthy lifestyle.... the forefront of my mind. I feel this will aide me until I am strong enough to rely on myself (and be able to trust myself too).

Well I just finished lunch, so I'm gonna jot that down then it's off to work for me.
Hope everyone is doing well. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you.
Have a healthy and happy day!
Love Always,
Amberly

Just a quick note

Just a quick note to let y'all know I'm still alive and doing well. Summertime is my travelin months so I have been a bit busy. I'm back home bit now I will have company coming in for the next two months!!! At least I'm home right!?!?!?!

Good news joining up to play on two soccer teams.... I'm psyched. Gotta worknpn getting back in shape and getting ready for it. I haven't played soccer since may :o(

More lata
love Always
Amberly