Quite the Conundrum

Why is it that when you are doing well and on the right track.... all of a sudden you are faced with a delima.... Like you wake up and go to fix your breakfast and BAM there is a box of doughnuts.... that would NEVER be there if you weren't on the right track.

Well this morning I woke up to this.....

Okay yes this does LOOK healthy.... but my husband just loves to submerge his chicken in sugary bbq sauces. And then I also say this:

This is my husbands traditional Macaroni Pie.... in a 13 x 9 inch casserole dish.... Can anyone guess how many calories are in this? 

Truth: I woke up to a clean house... and he cooked himself all this food in which he'll eat for the next few days while I'm gone..... It wasn't for me.... but it was really tempting. I'd be lying if I say that I avoided it.... but I ate small portions. But I'm sure that you have all been faced with this type of conundrum.... what do you do...  Its just funny.... (But at least I've got a husbands that cooks... and very well might I add)

I feel smaller today.... which is always good. AND I got my treadmill. It's awesome. I did just a little bit on it to make sure it was in working condition. It's in my living room now... I wanted to put it in my bedroom but I over estimated the size of the machine and it just won't work out. (I spend a lot of time in the bedroom) So noe... I'm gonna have to spend time in the living room. I can go for a run while entertaining right?!?!?! LOL

Tomorrow I have to do about a million things to get ready for my trip... fun stuff.... But I'm definitely gonna do a little running :o)

Hope everyone had a happy and healthy day!
Love Always,
Amber

It's Treadmill buying Season!

So I was wasting some time and looking at all the new gifts at a few stores today when I saw a treadmill. I've been really thinking about buying one because I want to have the ability to run whenever I want... not just during gym hours... and I don't like running at night. So I started searching on craigslist and I couldn't believe how many treadmills were listed... and most peoples ad read something like "Like brand new, bought 8, 9 0r 10 months ago... in great condition hardly used... selling cheap because we need the money for xmas". TOTALLY LOVE IT!!!! So basically these people bought brand new treadmills around January..... (New years resolution time) and probably used them as an expensive coat/clothing rack... and now they can sell them and get some fast money.... and someone like me can get a great bargain.

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So as of tomorrow I will be the proud owner of a cool looking treadmill. It's got a lot of great features... including Ipod hook up with surround sound speakers!!!! Do you think that it can make healthy snacks too?
 The other thing that is the coolest feature.... is I can sit it right in front of my TV and watch all my shows... while simultaneously burning calories... NO more watching biggest loser while eating a pint of ice cream lol!! I'm thrilled.

I'm leaving in a couple days to go visit family for a week. I'm really excited.... and I've planned out my exercise regime. I'm also cooking over the next week so I can control ingredients and calories. I'm psyched... lol... that's been my word lately. I've decided that I want to keep working hard and weigh in when I get back. Which will be Monday morning Nov 29th.

I hope everyone is making so great plans for this holiday season. Remember... it's about family not about the food... put food in it's proper position and remember to eat to fuel your body. I always try to remember this... that way when I'm about to make a bad decision.... it really affects me when I ask 'What is this food really doing to my body... helping it or harming it'.

I was watching an episode of Biggest Loser last season and the contestants were visiting the Olympic (village?)... an area where the Olympic athletes were training and they were showing the different foods that the athletes eat. They explained that the different events called for completely different meal plans.... obviously higher calorie meals for athletes that needed more fuel. Then this women athlete start describing her food.... I eat chicken because it's protein and I need it to help repair my muscles after training, and...... she explained everything on her plate.

That had a big impact on me. I eat, not for any rhyme or reason..... I eat because I'm hungry and I usually find whatever I can... or whatever I want. Of course I watch my portions and should be keeping a count on my calories.... but I never thought about it as 'Food is for fuel'..... and your should 'fuel your body'. Breaking it down even further... if you think about putting gas in your car tank when it is low.... you don't stop and ask the car 'What do you feel like having today' ... no... it's simple. Well I want this to be simple without my emotions getting involved. Believe me though... I love food... and taste is such as awesome thing...... But for me these things along with my poor judgement, my need to fill my cravings immediately, and my sometimes failing will power..... has gotten me in this mess. I really do get the meaning of BALANCE now. It's a very tricky thing. So now.... I have started being 'present' when I'm eating or 'conscious' .... I really don't want to eat a meal and think to myself that it must have been about 500 calories.... when it's really 3000..... I want to be responsible and know what I'm doing.... not act like a victim and wonder how I got to be like this.

I'm inspired.... can't you tell?

Well I hope everyone is having a happy and healthy day!
I will check in with the news of my purchase tomorrow!

Love Always,
Amberly

Proud Moments

I am just extremely pysched!!!! It's is Tuesday night (Wednesday early AM). I feel great.... I had to write.
Today I had a soccer game. It was playoffs and unfortunately we lost so we were knocked out. That's it for our season. I hadn't been to the past two games... and I will admit something (between me and you)... I didn't workout an ounce!!! I kind of fell into a deep depression. In fact for some reason I always fall into this depression around October and February. This time though it started when I sprained my ankle.... I tried to stay positive and think to myself that if I continued eating the right way.... then I would be in good shape. Well... I didn't.... I'm tired of talking about me failing. I almost feel like that I always have good intentions... but don't follow through. I hate that. I hate feeling like I'm whining about my problems... and poor me can't lose it. But I'm just tired of it... tired of excuses and reasons.

Okay... that turned a little negative (although true) but that is not the reason that I wanted to write today. So back to the game. I haven't been working out... I'm not in shape... (I couldn't even run 2 laps around the soccer field for warm ups... pathetic) however... the coach put me in a new position and I was continually running... and doing pretty well!!! Of course had I been in better shape I could've done more and been more on my toes.... but out of a 90 minute game I played all but 20 minutes. I felt really good.
All day long I have been eating well. I didn't eat enough... but I ate very well. On the way home from the game I wanted some soup... so I stopped to get some. I really wanted chocolate covered almonds. So I picked some up... and if I would've ate the whole package it would've been 400 calories and 32grams of fat. Now I don't know if any of you have experienced this... but say you have a package of M&Ms .... you can't just eat half of it.... It will bother me until I finish it... I don't know why.... but seriously and when I finish the bag then I'm satisfied and I don't give another thought to it. In fact I've been trying to figure out how to 'trick myself' into thinking that the whole bag is done when really there is only half..... Hasn't worked yet. Well tonight... I ate a few bites so that I had the taste... and I was done!!!!!! For real!!! I put the rest in the fridge. I think that when I looked at the label and actually THOUGHT about what I was eating.... and the fact that I had just exercised.... that's what helped me. Okay that's it for thinking about it because I don't want to end up running to eat it in a few hours.

I'm starting my exercise regime. I really want to be in shape for tryouts. Now, since I'm on the team I will most likely still hold a position on the team however there is no guarantee... and lets just face it..... I want to be in shape and have no one to have cause for concern when we start up again. I'm going to start working out tomorrow. I just need to figure out when. I have to take my car in the morning, then work... hopefully I find sometime in the morning... other wise it's the afternoon/evening baby.

Alright, that's all I got in me for now. I hope everyone is having a healthy and happy one.
Take care of yourselves and try not to get sick this cold season!

Back (again)

Well... Vegas was such a success that I stayed there and just got back.... okay maybe that's a lie.
Let's see... After I got back from Vegas I was feeling pretty on top of the world. I tried out for a club soccer team and when I got back I immediately started practicing with them. We had our first pre-season game the following week. I was pretty proud of myself.... and then about 20 minutes into the game.... I twisted my ankle, heard the cracks.... so I came out of the game for a little while.. Well after about 20 minutes I didn't have any pain and it wasn't swelling so I went back in. A little history, I sprained my ankles so many times it's not even worth the time to count. I've always had week ankles (because I've always been bigger, although I'd like to think it's because I'm a really good aggressive player). So after the game..... we where sitting down taking off our gear and chatting about our game when my ankle started swelling up....Badly.

That weekend I went away with my hubby on a beach retreat weekend and couldn't do a single thing. So I got upset and depressed.... and started eating....

I thought I would only be benched for a week or so.... 7 weeks later I'm able to play in my first game. I was so upset because I was in horrible shape. Some of these girls didn't even know I was on the team, and I came to every game to support the team :o(

So now I am here. 

All 220 pounds of me. 

I didn't gain much weight... (good thing) ..... but I started filling out... and I feel bloated. 

My soccer team has a few more games this season and then they start back in January. I have decided that I need some desperate workout and training. So I am going to work on running a 5K. I'm going to do a couch 2 5K workout plan.

With that I shall leave you and go and read up on all my inspiring friends and see how everyone else's journey is going. I will weigh in tomorrow morning and update my info... and report on my efforts.
Have a healthy and happy day!
~Amberly

A quick update

Well... I am 5 days away from Vegas! It's all actually hitting me now... and it looks like I will be doing laundry and cleaning all weekend long (at least I have a reward at the end!).

I went to the Doctor on Tuesday... and... and... and... I lost more weight :o) I am now 213.6 Whooo... hoo... I'm really psyched. For the longest I couldn't go below 217... I really wanted to be 200 by the time I leave for Vegas... but I will settle for under 210 :o) 

Last year I went to Vegas for a week, and I came back 10 lbs lighter. I had a routine there and I stayed on point with my eating. So that's the plan this time. Every morning I had a mushroom omelet with a little cheese sprinkled on the top. I ate small things through out the day, and I had a nice lovely dinner.

Also last year the week after I returned from Vegas, I lost another 10 pounds... bringing me down to 193. So... whoever is in charge of this weight loss thing.... I want that again... Thank you :o)

I just wanted to check in and let you guys know my good news.
Hope everyone is havin' a healthy and happy one!
More Lata,
Amberly

Losin it with Amberly!

Things have been going really well. I still have my new mentality. I haven't cheated at all... nor have I even wanted to! I'm really happy with myself. Tomorrow is Saturday... and I am taking a personal day. I'm always off on Saturdays... I mean I am not gonna go run any errands... I'm going to stay home and organize some stuff and play with my dogs. I just want a slow and relaxing day. I've had a pretty hectic schedule and have been doing a lot on little or no sleep. I do want to go to the gym tomorrow... other than that... I'm a homebody!

I just realized that I didn't even tell you that I'm going to Las Vegas on August 10th!!!!! I'm excited. I'm going to plan a business seminar for the upcoming year ... but it will kind of be like a vacation!  11 Days to go!!

I was listening to the Dave Ramsey radio show... (debt guidance guru) and there was a quote that was said that I love.... not sure who said it though.

"Discipline is remembering what you want"

Totally loving it... In fact I'm always saying it. It's my new slogan lol. But it's true... when you remember what you really want... you keep yourself from falling off the wagon.

I went to my weight loss challenge meeting tonight and guess what! I lost some weight!! Since I didn't go to the doctor this week, I will count this as my weekly weigh in. I am down 5.1 lbs!!!! Whooo hooo!!! And it was a nightly weigh in... I always weigh in the morning for true and accurate weight, so I know I am down more....  I'm thrilled!

My husband and I booked a little getaway during Labor Day weekend in Sept..... So I was hoping to be under 200 by then.. (Well actually I'd totally love to be under 193... the weight I was when we met..... but under 200 is probably a stretch as it is).

Well I think I am going to turn in early tonight. I need to catch up on my sleep!!
Hope everyone has a happy and healthy weekend!!
Love Always,
Amberly

My Awakening

Over the last few days.... things have changed. I have a new mindset. Suddenly I began feeling the importance of this journey. It's such a wonderful feeling. I am feeling more responsible... more mature. I've written about that before... however it was because I was making the right decisions.... This time it's different. For instance after work today I met my husband at our favorite restaurant Bahama Breeze (Absolutely Fab for anyone loving Caribbean themed food).

My usual order is: 

'Crab, Shrimp, Mango and Avocado Stack'

Jumbo lump crab meat, chilled shrimp, fresh avocados and apple-mango salsa layered and stacked; with a spicy honey-red pepper drizzle.

'Creole Baked Goat Cheese'

It's Goat Cheese roasted red bell peppers served with vine-ripened tomato salsa and parmesan toast rounds
These are my appetizers. The Creole Baked Goat Cheese is amazing... but my down fall is that I will eat the whole thing... and it comes with 15 - 20 parmesan toast rounds (This is not on my diet... I could have an ounce or two of the cheese... but that's it).

And for Dinner I order:

'Jamaican Grilled Chicken Breast'
Jerk seasonings, mango glazed, with mango pineapple salsa, cinnamon mashed sweet potatoes, seasonal vegetables.  

I end up taking half of this home for a later meal. On my diet I am not suppose to have the cinnamon mashed sweet potatoes. Usually I will order the Goat Cheese appetizer knowing it's a downfall and I'll tell myself that I am "Allowing" myself to have it.... but who am I fooling... I'm just sabotaging myself. And when I order my dinner... I'll get the sweet potatoes anyway....

So how is it different this time? I went to the restaurant and ordered only the 'Crab, Shrimp, Mango and Avocado Stack' and when I ordered my dinner... I asked for double green beans instead of the sweet mashed potatoes. And then I only ate half the green beans and a few bites of chicken. I brought the rest home.

So I made some good choices... I've done that before... How is this time different? I didn't have to tell myself before I went to the restaurant what I was getting. I just went and ordered.... as if it was natural. I didn't feel like I was 'missing out' on anything. And I enjoyed spending time with my husband, and the atmosphere.... it wasn't about the food. It was just another meal I had. Sometimes I would make it all about the food. I felt relaxed and laid back.

Other things going on... I'm slowly taking control of other aspects of my life. I use to be a neat/clean freak. Over the last year I've had to deal with some depression. I felt like I was stuck in a rut.... that I couldn't get out of. I didn't want to do anything.... I kind of let myself go. I was doing so well at the beginning of the year... and then around March or April I just kind lost that spark.

Something has got me going, and it's getting stronger everyday. I'm coming up on my 2 year marriage anniversary in January... and it's been a bit hard at first. They always say that the first year or two are rough. It has been a bit rough at times. It just seems to all be coming together now. I guess I am fitting into my role as a wife... I'm not really sure, but I feel the spark or the passion in my life back.

I've started making goals and plans. It's not about "If" I accomplish them... it's "when". I have a pretty big 'TODO' List and it isn't over whelming.... I'm starting on things and knocking them off one by one. It's this mindset in me that has me realizing that I am going to reach my goal weight. I have never before been this sure of it. I have been journaling (in my personal journal) more... trying to get to the bottom of this new mindset. Could it be that I love with myself again? I've always loved myself but never enough to do what's right for me. I've always let my people pleasing faux pas completely have control over me... I've put myself on the back burner. I know that I'm doing things for me. This isn't about anyone else....except me.

As I embrace this wonderful feeling and work on finding it's true origin... I know one thing is for sure... I love am truly enjoying this journey. I'm having a lot of self-realizations and learning a lot about myself. I'm also becoming a new me. In my adult life I have never been healthy... I have never weighed under 193lbs.... I really truly (once all the layers have been peeled back) don't know who I am. Things that have defined me in the past... are no longer apart of me anymore. I've been used and abused (mentally) in too many different relationships.... I know that these people have their own issues and they are to blame for being that way... However I am taking full blame for allowing myself to be the victim. I am no longer a victim.

I hope that each and everyone that is going through their own journey has this awakening that I have had... Because it feels totally freaking awesome!

Have a happy and healthy day!!!
Love Always,
Amberly