Thanks for calling me a liar

Things are going better today. I actually had a thought to skip the gym.... which made me go there that much faster.... I began my workout... but about half way through I lost the stamina... so instead of jogging for 2 minutes... I only did one... and then a whole lot of walking... however I made myself finish my workout... it just took longer. I don't know what was up... but I began thinking about just how healthy I have become. The awesome choices that I am making... and the fact that my body really is loving me for treating it well. That's what matters. The better I treat my body.... the longer it will stay with me..... um ya know what I mean... This is short and sweet because I received 2 awards... Here is one... and I will post the other tomorrow.
Can you believe Friday is finally here!!!


Thank you to Phil @ A View to a Phil for thinking of me when nominating fellow bloggers for this award!

Here are the rules of the award:
1. Thank the person who gave this to you.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you.
4. Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth.
5. Nominate seven "Creative Writers" who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
6. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

I nominate the following blogs this award:

1. Rachel @ Body by Pizza

2. Hollie @ Hollie's Weight Loss Blog

3. Lisa @ A Wii Story

4. M @ This Girl is Losing It

5. Kate @ FearlessKate

6. Kaitlin @ Everyday Grace

7. MissHaneefa @ Black Girl Gets Fit

The seven I picked are ones that have truly inspired me, either through their blog posts or their encouraging comments and emails, or all three. Knowing that my weight loss and my blog meant enough to make some of you reach out to me when I was ready to delete it all really meant a lot!

Now for some lies, and one truth...

1. I got to travel around the world after high school graduation.

2. My first tattoo I ever got was a heart with wings, and a soccer ball with a sunflare with the words 'Dulce Angelita' in between them.

3. I was born in Italy and came here when I was 6 months old.

4. I was on American Idol's Hollywood week in 2006, but sadly was sent home after Simon made me cry.

5. I participated in the USA vs. Australia Track meet that took place in Surfer's Paradise, Australia in 2002.

6. I was born as a twin, but my brother didn't survive birth.

7. I won a corvette through a radio station once, I was 16 so my dad actually had to claim it We were gonna sell it the next day so I took it out for a test drive and ended up totalling it when I hit a tree after I lost control. I walked away from the accident and the cops came after me for leaving the scene of a crime...

Can anyone guess which of these statements is true?

Missing the Mark

Well this day started out nice... then I had a few decisions gone wrong and then I assumed something and ended up making an a#$ out of myself... (not in front of anybody though). I got up and decided not to go to the gym this morning because I was sure to get an awesome workout in at soccer tonight. I for some weird reason I didn't feel like making breakfast.... I sat down and ate a grapefruit anyway. I went into work.... finished up and then I went out to run errands and grab lunch. we went to a 7-11 and I got a meal replacement bar... (I saw it a few days ago and wanted to try it) I ate half of it as I figured it was probably going to be a late lunch (and it was). Then I also got dark chocolate covered almonds. So I'm on my way out to a few stores when my dad spots and ice cream shop he wanted to go in. He had just had a hershey's chocolate bar in which I reminded him, and I knew full well that I wasn't going to get anything. So we went into Barnes and Noble.... and I was feeling good about myself. When we headed back to the car my dad suggested we walked inside in which he then proceeded to choose something to eat. I DID AS WELL!!! I wasn't even thinking anything like it was bad for me... or calories... nothing I tell you. It was all mindless! Guess what I got.... 2 chocolate chip cookies with ice cream in the middle. I remember thinking as I was eating it... that I should have gotten only 1 cookie with a scoop of ice cream because they were enormous. After I nearly devoured it all... (btw I was done with it... but just kept eating more instead of stopping) I threw away the last 4 bites... about 5 minutes later I got a wicked stomachache.... That is when everything about this whole experience came to me..... then I was bummed that I got it when really I didn't want it, I was just hungry for real food. I'm pretty sure it was 500 calories plus... and I got extremely heartbroken.... I wasn't trying to 'sneak' one in.... or 'get away with something' (like I really would) I just blatantly made a wrong decision.

So then we are trying to find lunch..... and we go to Panera.... I got a ham and cheese sandwich on sourdough..... and a cup of new england clam chowder (2 days in a row.... ) I forgot to ask for an apple and they gave me the bread... and stupid me not thinking.... ate it.

As we are leaving.... I'm trying to add up everything I've eaten and to put me in some kinda ballpark figure.... and I just start rationalizing with myself that I was going to play soccer and I could burn up all the carbs....

We went to play soccer. I will say I did have a good time. I didn't play that hard... but I can tell I am in better shape than I was last week. My legs are definitely getting stronger. However... I didn't hit my calorie burn for the day... I didn't hit my vigorous activity goal either (30 min).... It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't eaten that stinken ice cream sandwich..... I'm a little hungry now... and I just don't even wanna eat. I'm a little depressed about how soccer went. My husband didn't wanna go... and then he made a couple of comments that put me in a bad mood. I seriously try to do my best. I do it with a good heart and try to with a humble spirit.... but someone has always gotta say something.... I gotta work on building myself up and stop taking peoples crap. (I got offended by one of the soccer players... and there were a couple other things that I'm just trying to roll of my back...) I'm in the mood to just go to the gym and run for a while.... get lost in some good tunes and a hard sweat... but alas the gym is not open and won't be for another 5 hours.

I'm really disappointed in myself. How am I ever gonna win at this if I keep screwing it up. While I know that this is something I'm just gonna have to work on... and practice makes perfect..... I don't wanna just shrug it off and think 'It's okay.... I'll do better next time' I know that I will... I know that I will get back up and continue this journey. I am really proud of myself and how far I've come.... I just don't want that old care free attitude to slip back into my life.... like it did today with the whole ice cream sandwich...... mindless mindless mindless..... UUUGGGGHHHH
I think I am gonna go lay down and watch a movie to try to get my mind off all this. Get a good rest... and I think I will spend a little extra time in the gym tomorrow. (Isn't it great when you just want to be at the gym.... and you want to spend extra time there..... I definitely am noticing an attitude adjustment..... )

I hope everyone's Wednesday went better than mine!
Have a happy & healthy Thursday
Love Always,
Amberly

Weigh-In Day

Well, well, well.... what do we have here.... Is that a pound missing? NO it's 1.8lbs!!! Gone!! Great news. I'm glad about that. The only thing is I'm just .2 away from 10 pounds. Ughhh the drama!
Anyways I'm gonna make this short and sweet.

Had an awesome workout today, I really pushed myself to the max.
Had a great lunch went to the Town Tavern which has real New England food. I had clam chowder and a lobster roll. It was excellent!

I sat down this morning after my workout and logged all my missing info for my food consumption over the weekend. Lemmetellyou... I will never go that long again without doing it. In fact I just sat down and logged everything for today. On saturday when I had my little emotional kick I was 19 calories over my goal. That was the first time I've gone over... but it may just very well be the reason I didn't make the 10lb mark yet.

Other than that... everything is groovy. I'm contemplating on whether to go to the gym in the morning. I have soccer tomorrow night and I will definitely reach all my goals with just that. I'm not quite sure yet. I'll keep you posted.
Wednesday... the middle of the week!!! The weekend is almost here.
Have a good and healthy one!
Love Always,
Amberly

Whoa I feel good!

Thanks everyone for their comments! On a good note... I had a 1/2 of the vanilla butterfinger ice cream in the freezer and guess what!!! It's still in there.... Last night I went into the kitchen after writing my last blog entry and thought "man I'm hungry".... then I questioned myself "Am I really"... "nope..." Then I headed to bed and didn't even give it a second thought.

Whoa... I'm on some kinda high... it's legal don't worry. I've really been proud of myself. I'm pushing myself and I'm seriously lovin' it. Every time I make a good decision... every time I go to the gym.... It adds to this high.

So I still have yet to log my calories for the weekend. I'm gonna get on... gotta be accountable.
Today I went to the gym and practically had to fight off this woman for a treadmill. She totally took the one I was waiting for... and gave me this mean look. Don't worry hunny... Karma... it will come back and bite you in the butt. I remember a time when I woulda just looked at all the machines seen they were all full and thought... "oh well... next time" Now I'm fighting for one!! I told my husband tonight that it is official "I am a runner" Haha

I was a bit confused on my workout for week 2 of my couch to 5k workout. I was suppose to go 20 Min: 1 min walk/2minute jog.... but somehow I got something confused... so instead of going for 20 minutes I went for 30... Talk about over achieving!

My dad even complimented me on how great I'm starting to look. My dad really isn't the 'pay attention to details type' .... in fact he said absolutely NOTHING about my hair.... which is a shocker. But he told me to keep up playing soccer, and that he could see the muscle in my calves. Good enough for me. Last year I went from 254lbs to 192lbs (and then I gained a crap load back) but my dad didn't even notice! It use to be I'd go on a diet and he would sabotage it (unknowingly) by always wanting to go out to eat at places that it would be difficult for me... (and as I am walking proof) I always caved and would think "I'll start tomorrow". Now I have a voice. I can speak up and say.... nope that's not really healthy for me, and my father... he also thinks ahead for places that I can actually eat. Score! Love it when people join the team!

I'm feeling so good!!! I hope you all can feel the energy and let it captivate you! Keep up the good work everyone! Have a great Tuesday!

Love Always,
Amberly


Saurday Stats:
Calories Burned 2508
Calories Consumed To be determined
Balance (Deficit) 2508 as of right now.. lol
Physical Activity 35 min (Moderate 35 min) (Vigorous 0 min)
Steps 5069

Workout:
Rest Day

Sunday Stats:
Calories Burned 3081
Calories Consumed To be determined
Balance (Deficit) 0 as of right now
Physical Activity 1 Hr 24 min (Moderate 62 min) (Vigorous 22 min)
Steps 10345

Workout:
Day 4 of Operation Couch to 5k in 6 weeks:
20 Min on Treadmill - 1 Min Jog @ 4.5 / 1 Min Walk @3.0 (alternate for 20 Min.
5 minute cooldown

New Haircut ... New Outlook

I hope everyone has had a great weekend!!!!
Well I got my haircut. First I will show you what I had... and then the shocker.

Before the Salon....

This is to give you an idea of how long it is. It is very hard to blowdry out.


And now after the Salon

I totally LOVE IT... Miss the long locks... but it's so carefree and easy!!

This is my two dogs watching my model in front of the mirror.

I posted some 'right now' pics... I'm not brave enough to put my 'before' pics up yet. It's at the top of the page under 'The Beginning'

I've been making a list of all the things to write down. First off... I've been keeping up with my exercise schedule. I am still at jog 1 min/ walk 1 min alternate for 20 minutes. Tomorrow I step up to jog 2 min/ walk 1 minute alternate for 20 minutes. Letmetellyou..... At first I could barely make an entire minute running (and I play soccer man) I was like I don't know how in the world I'm gonna be able to increase. Then once the 2nd day came by I was like.. well it's not so bad... but I was fearing the big jog for 2 minutes, so the last jog I had to do I made it 2 min instead of one..... and totally busted my fear.

Today was Day 3 of my regime and jogging for a whole minute was so easy I felt ready to advance today! I did the same thing... jog 2 minutes for the last one instead of one.

I've also started getting up earlier and going to bed sooner. In fact I need to go to sleep now.

Confession: I was upset Saturday night by a text message comment and on my way home I argued with myself on getting ice cream. First I wanted coldstone... but I knew that the ice cream had to be at least 1000 calories... it's so dang good. So I argued with myself all the way to CVS where I purchased a pint of vanilla and butterfinger ice cream and a stinken ice cream sandwich. I use to always joke around that if I do something bad... then I could do something good to cancel it out.... Well... does going to the gym at 7am this morning cancel out the ice cream bash? Well 1st thing is at least I was thinking about calories.... my thought process is starting to change.... 2nd I didn't eat the whole pint of ice cream... and just to guesstimate how many calories I had I would say 550 including the sandwich. Isn't bad... isn't great. But I'm coming along.

Confession: I haven't been keeping up with my food log as I should for the past 2 days. I have to sit down and figure it out.

Now as I'm getting into this routine I think I may change some things around.
1. Move my weigh-in day from Tuesday to Friday... that way I can be a little lax on the weekends without paying for it on the scale.
2. I should plan my lowest calorie eating days to be the 2 days off at the gym. I know this isn't rocket science... but it's not like there is an 'idiot's guide' either. I figure... since those day I automatically burn less... that's when I should have my 2 lower calorie days... make sense?

So far that's all I got. I can't weight (lol) to step on the scale on Tuesday. I know I have lost a few lbs. I'm just so happy because I feel I'm really heading in the right direction and I'm really doing it this time. I've said I've wanted to in the past.... but inside I never did. I never changed... I sat down and thought about it... and if I lose 6 lbs a month... which is really doable (1.5lbs a week) then I will make my goal weight by January for my 27th B-Day. However, I think I can do better than that. That's just like a bottom line goal.

I have such a positive outlook right now.. and no one can bring me off this high. Even the fact that I had an issue on Saturday night with emotional eating... I don't feel like it's the end of the world. I accepted it and moved on. I'm tired of letting people dictate how I feel. I'm tired of hearing let downs... I'm just changing the way I react to the situations. You know that quote from when we were in grade school "I am rubber you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you". As childish or trivial as it may sound... IT IS SO RIGHT. I'm no longer taking it in. I'm sorry if people have issues and want to bring me down for the count. I will be a great friend/wife/daughter/etc... but I will not be moved.

Where is this coming from? For the longest time I watch people play those games. The ones where they 'guilt' you into something.... So people know that I am a people pleaser. I always have been. I think it is because of my weight... that for some reason I didn't think people would see the real me or like me for who I am.... I became to them someone to rely on, and make things better. Once people realize how to play the game... and they have the ball in their court .... then that's when my agony begins. Seriously... and I'm done. I'm tired. I know that I got this way (overweight) from taking peoples crap and not even putting myself on my own list of priorities. When my boss calls me at 2am to type up something on the computer... I am there. When my friend calls me to confide in me... I am there... and then when I need the friend... nope I am still there... except I'm the only one there.

For so long I've allowed myself to be abused. I've always been the good friend that helps everyone out. The one that drives to and fro as if I can afford all the gas in the world... The one that gives and gives... but becomes hollow inside because I'm not getting anything in return.

I'm sorry for the rant... and that this is long. I hadn't planned on going into all this... but my fingers just keep typing as these emotions come forward.

I had a good friend.... she was very close to me. I loved her and her family. We would always be going out and having a fun time. But I feel like I was used. I would buy things for them... I would give them my things. We grew apart years ago (at least I thought we grew apart... I feel that is was a money issue) well they came back into my life last year. They were having a hard time and so I let them move in with us. Two months later they moved out into another one of their friends homes. They left me with the electric bill. Did I mention they are a family of 7? They now don't return my calls. I've been harboring these feelings inside and this is the first time I've admitted them to anyone one. When I think I'm over it... I find myself worse of than I was. Today I was at my meeting (church, synagogue, whateva you personally call it) and the talk was on forgiveness and holding grudges. I don't want to hold grudges.... but I'm just so hurt inside. I feel like they really weren't my friends for me, they were my friends for what they could get from me. I wrote a letter to them. It isn't an angry or mean letter. It's a good one. It's actually one that basically says 'I'm sorry for anything and everything I've ever done, and I also forgive you'

I don't ever get into the Bible, and I know many may have their own beliefs and I will never criticize anyone. I'm thinking though I need to let this all out it... I feel like this may be a huge reason for the weight gain. In the Bible it speaks about forgiveness... and how God forgives us and throws our transgressions behind him, as to forget them. I know if I forgive, I have to forget. That's the hard part. Trust me I do want to forget, I want to have this hurt healed. Well I feel like I need to forgive them so as to help me heal. I intended to write the letter to them to get things of my chest, but I never intended to give it to them. I think I will. I've been thinking about it for a few days now. It may amount to nothing, and to completely honest.... I don't want them as friends anymore. Close friends that is, it's not like I want them to be enemies... they will just be more as acquaintances. I also can't help but as myself.... What would Jesus do?.... In the book of Matthew it talks about if you have a gift of sacrifice and yet you know your brother has a problem with you, then leave you gift and do not return until you make amends with your brother. (In my own words of course) They may be living there life happy and not even thinking of me anymore. I also heard this saying at my meeting today "Holding grudges and not forgiving is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die" I'm angry inside but it's not hurting them or even making the pain go away... it's hurting me. So I've somewhat resolved that I am going to give them the letter, and go and speak with them.

Another really good friend of mine had a falling out with one of her closest friends and she got terribly depressed. She told me that she had spoken with her friend, and even though they aren't as close anymore and may never be... it brought some closure to her. I'm thinking that's what I need... forgiveness & closure.

Okay that's enough for now. I'm sorry so long... I probably already lost many of you.
I'll post my stats tomorrow... Have a healthy day!
Love Always,
Amberly

SUSHI!!

Day 3 - and still kickin'

I took a rest day from my workout. So my stats aren't the norm... and my calories consumed... are off because I ate this:

and this

It was really yummy too. I did an estimate of the calories but they don't seem right to me. I configured my total intake for the day was around 1700. I was good for breakfast and lunch and I literally banked 1500 for this meal. I wanted to enjoy myself.

Daily Stats:
Calories Burned 2482
Calories Consumed 1719
Balance (Deficit) 763
Physical Activity 14 min (Moderate 14min) (Vigorous 0 min)
Steps 3286

I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow! I will take some pictures. I'm excited. Then I'm going out to do some shopping and then hit the gym!

Hope everyone has a great Saturday!!
Love Always,
Amberly

I am on a weight loss trend

- According to my GoWear fit.

Very interesting Day 2! I stayed on target.
Things I learned...

1) I fell asleep at 4am got up at Noon (8hrs) but GoWear says that I only slept 5 hr 57 min. And apparently while I was sleeping I took 49 steps... lol... I am unable to see what time it was Except between 4 - 5am.. it may have been a quick restroom trip... who knows.

2) Half my calories today was from Fat :o( - then again I had a sirloin....

3) The Machines at the gym are wrong! It's a good basis to go on... but it's a 'one size fits all' way of calculating. I was on the exercise bike and according to the machine I had done 15 minutes of moderate activity (heart rate @ 135) however.... GoWear fit read I only did 2 minutes of moderate activity... Interesting...

4) This is like a game. I am totally digging it.... Before the doorbell rang with my GoWear Fit on Tuesday... I hated counting calories. Now I'm all over it. It's like "hmmm, if I eat this than I will have this many left" and "okay lets keep going on the machine for 5 more minutes just to see what my GoWear says" In fact.... Tuesday when I got on the treadmill to begin my first day of my 5k training... I was so concerned about the GoWear and my running that I didn't realize I was watching Rachel Ray cooking something (can't remember) until a guy next to me asked me how I could workout with food in front of my face. Craziness I tell ya.

Today overall was pretty groovy. I went to work but didn't have any work to do.... so I had a forced day off... bummer... For lunch I went to Logan's Roadhouse with my dad. I had my iPhone locked and ready except their nutritional guide is not on their website as the server told me. So I ate carefully, and had to bring it home to calculate it. I always have the sirloin salad. I love it. I decided to add on a cup of Loaded Potato Soup. Pretty good. They of course brought out rolls (4). My dad grabbed 2 and said I could have the rest... but I know better. However I did take a picture before my dad gobbled them up. I know they are totally delish.... but according to the dailyplate.com those pesky rolls are 227 calories a roll... My dad had 4 and I was just adding the calories in my head. Although they are good.... I'd rather save my calories for other food... and of course I get a lot more of it.

Here's a picture of what I missed out on... 454 calories not counting the butter next to it!

Daily Stats:
Calories Burned 3096
Calories Consumed 1745
Balance (Deficit) 1354
Physical Activity 1 Hr 43 min (Moderate 30 min) (Vigorous 26 min)
Steps 7589

I decided to add on my workout info also:

Day 3 of Operation Couch to 5k in 6 weeks:
20 Min on Treadmill - 1 Min Jog @ 4.5 / 1 Min Walk @3.0 (alternate for 20 Min)
30 Min on Seated Bike
5 Min on Elliptical for Cooldown

This was taken during my cool down. I wanted to start keeping up with my miles for 2010.

Friday it here! Everyone behave themselves and have an awesome weekend!!
Love Always,
Amberly