Amberly's Weight Loss Journey

All or nothing

2011-10-27T11:07:00.000-04:00

I must say that I had fallen by the way side. A lot has happened since my last post, as I am sure I will explain in more posts to come. The last few weeks, I have been wanting to start writing on my blog again. The reason I haven't is because I have felt like a failure. I didn't want to post about something I'm going to do, and then not do it. So this morning I was sitting in the suana at the gym (sweating out the fat) when it dawns on me that I have a 'ALL OR NOTHING' attitude... and I had better lose it quick.

In fact this morning I had wanted to get to the gym to start a new class.... however I overslept and was late about 10 minutes and I'm not about to join a class late as a new member.... Normally I would have rolled back over to sleep and thought 'next time'... I got up and went to the gym and worked out on some of the machines. So many times I will plan to do something and put forth all the effort to get ready for it... and then when it arrives I end up not doing it... and just dissappointing myself.

I was trying to figure out where I got this 'ALL OR NOTHING' attitude from and I think it comes from trying to be a perfectionist. I can also see where this is hurting me in my eating habits... typically (like a lot of other people apparently) when I eat something that I know I shouldn't it leads me down a path of a lot of bad decisions. By the time I am done I have made a 1000, 2000, 3000 calorie mistake.... and if I would've just accepted the fact that I did have something in the beginning and moved on.... then it would have only been a 200 or 300 calorie mistake. How is it that I allow myself to sabatoge myself?

Anyways, I'm back... I've been on track for the last 3 weeks. ~~I've been getting my butt up at 4:30~~.... errr my husband has been getting my butt up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the gym and work out. I'm really feeling the changes. I'm really feeling great (except at 4:30 in the morning... then more sleep would be great).

Much much more to come
Love Always,
Amberly

Quick check in

2011-05-09T04:57:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to let you know I'm alive!
I went back to my weight watchers meeting after being absent for a few months..... I've lost 12 lbs since February...... Ofcourse you know I told all those people the truth so they wouldn't think I had some magic secret...... But I can still be proud that a loss is a loss and I reached my 5% goal. My next personal goal is to get under that darn 200...... I keep getting close and then going up a little.

I've decided to go back and revisit my goals I've set for myself and create a few more. I don't feel like my life is heading in the right direction..... I'm now 27 and I don't have a lot to show for it. I just finished a book called 'A million bucks by 30' by Alan Corey...... Lemme just say I feel very very very behind. I definitely ain't a millionaire and with all these hospital visits I'm quickly going in the wrong direction!

I saw a book that I want to read called the 'Happiness Project'... From what I read the girl try out all these different things that are suppose to make you happy. Something about the book speaks to me...... I think it's the act of doing things in a positive light. I'm not sure more on that later.

It's Monday, hopefully the start of an awesome week!
Have a healthy and happy day!
Love always,
Amberly

Rough Week

2011-04-14T21:13:00.000-04:00

Can't believe it's been a week since I last posted. I've been on checking up and reading other blogs.... Trying to get inspired. Up until yesterday I haven't had any energy. I've been laying around resting and not getting much done at all.

Well I weighed in and....... 202.2!
I was hoping to be in one-derland this week but I still had a loss.

I'm feeling really good now. I still have some stomach issues but it's becoming less noticeable. I'm going to start walking on the treadmill. I think that walking will help me rebuild enough strength so I can start adding in other exercises and help me get enough burn going that I'll have a daily calorie loss.

Well more lata
Have a happy and healthy one!
Love Always
Amberly

The verdict is in.....

2011-04-07T20:32:00.000-04:00

AND.............

202.6

Still a loss! I've been 202 for a couple of days now. Not too bad at all I haven't been at this weight since July 2009. And I had a bit of an emotional breakdown and went from the 190s to the 220s where I have stayed until now. Well I'd like to forever be out of the 200s.

A change has come over me since I've been out of the hospital. I don't think/crave/worry about food anymore. I'll feel my tummy rumble and then I'm like 'oh let me get something to eat' I get a small something (I don't stuff myself anymore) and then move on to other things. It seems like before all I did was think about food. I also was constantly craving chocolate and ice cream...... It's been a month and I haven't had any candy, cookies, ice cream, chocolate (well I've had sugar free chocolate pudding if that really counts). I still have some stuff in my pantry and I see it but have no feeling or emotion about it. Before if would be like I could already taste it and I would walk out of the kitchen and continue thinking about it until I finally got it. Was I sick or what? Seriously that has to make me an addict or something. I don't want to have a food problem..... I want to enjoy food and move on. Am I cured? Has my hospital visit killed this addiction? I kind of doubt it (don't want to though). I think I'm not craving the sugar because it's been out of my system for so long. I'm going to be watching this and tracking my food.

Hope everyone else is having a great day! Happy and healthy one to all!
Love Always,
Amberly

Couponing

2011-04-07T00:01:00.000-04:00

Feeling much better as each day goes by. I am going to start walking since that is the only kind of exercise I can do right now. My stomach is still really tender and I'm still getting winded if I do a little too much than I am ready for. I was so bummed.... On Monday I woke up and I weighed 200.4 and so I figured on Tuesday I would be 199..... well I was 202. I ate a lot more food on Monday than I have been eating though.... Still working on it. I'm still eating a lot less than I use to.... not planning on stretching my stomach out again. I'm excited though.... I'm getting close to the 190's and I haven't been below 192 ever!!! The last two times I got that low... I started gaining.... so my 1st goal is 199.... my second goal 191.... my third goal 180s.

Today I ate 1/2 cup of cherrios with milk and an applesauce. After work I had another applesauce and a chocolate diabetic milkshake (glucerna) and for dinner I had a homemade burger on a wheat bun and a chicken thigh and leg.

Started watching this show called 'Extreme Couponing' on TLC.... it's such a cool show. I love having coupons when I shop. These people are really extreme. In fact one woman had $1175.00 worth of groceries and after using all her coupons she walked out only paying $51.00. Isn't that awesome. I would do a lot of donating to a food bank with that kind of savings.... because let's face it.... who can eat 50 or 100 boxes of cereal before it expires?!?!?!?! So maybe that's a little extreme but you get the point. It would be nice to not only save a lot of money but to also give to those that need help. I love the idea. Between this and my gardening..... I'll be saving so much money.... and with the weight loss..... I can afford a new wardrobe!!!!

Well that's all for now. Tomorrow is my weigh in day so I will be posting how I've done for the week!
Hope everyone is having a healthy and happy week!
Love Always,
Amberly

Building Strength

2011-04-02T16:48:00.001-04:00

Wow.... I just decided to fold some laundry, sort out some loads into piles, and I took one to the washer to get it started and I am winded! Let me say though I have come a long way since I was released from the hospital. When I was released it was hard for me to stay standing for very long. In fact I would get winded trying to sing a song!

So my stomach is doing great. And I'm also still losing weight!! However I have had a throbbing, aching pain in my arm. During my hospital stay they inserted a picc line into my arm. Picc stands for peripherally inserted central catheter. This is so they don't have to keep sticking me for blood work or for my IV line etc... Well my arm has been hurting ever since a few days before it was removed. I started doing research online and let me admit I'm a little scared. There are people complaining of the same pain I have. Some saying they have nerve damage, some have had the pain for years, some have even lost mobility in their arms. My arm today feels like it's better than it's been. I've been trying to rest it as much as possible. Hopefully things will turn out well.

I ate a half a cup of cherios with some milk and a half a cup of cinnamon applesauce. I was so full!!!! I love this smaller stomach thing. Its great!
Tomorrow I'm suppose to go out with a friend. She mentioned going to one of my favorite restaurants called Don Pablos. Now Mexican food...... Enchiladas in particular won't go with my stomach anymore. I've been really careful to have nothing fried or nothing too fattening. So I've already decided that I would get the fajitas minus the tortillas. I'm proud of myself.

Thought I would give you guys an update, more lata.
Have a happy and healthy weekend!
Love Always
Amberly

Free!!!

2011-03-31T23:51:00.000-04:00

Good news they have released me! Let's face it I was starting to feel like a resident there and I can't afford their rent! In fact if I had to stay any longer I was going to ask for an application.... After 15 days I'm sure I would make a great nurse.

So I have been home for two days now. My stomach is great, no pain and I'm processing food almost perfectly...... On the other hand my right arm hurts and aches like crazy. Since I was in the hospital so long they inserted what's called a picc line which is 3 IV ports connected to one line that went inside my arm (between my elbow and armpit) in my vein all the way over to my heart. I thought it was the smartest thing in the world because everytime they needed to take blood work (daily) or give me pain meds (several times daily) and also my IV solution to keep me from dehydration (24/7) I already had the line and they didn't have to stick me a million and a half times. However the last two days it was in, my arm was getting sore..... And now..... It's the only reason I'm still taking any kind of pain medication. I'm watching it closely because I'm ready to go and get it checked out if I need to (I've got this fear it could be a blood clot in my arm).

So more good news........ During my hospital stay I was mostly on no food at all while my pancreas healed. I was on a liquid diet for about 4 days and I was on real food for about 4 days...... Well my stomach shrunk. You know how you hear the gurus tell you that your stomach is the size of your fist..... Well mine is!!! I am being ever so careful not to stretch it out. I don't want to sit down and eat half a pound of food.... Let's face it if I want more of something good I can always wait 3 hours and eat more. I've been doing good too for dinner I had a grilled chicken breast with mushrooms and a little cheese and a sweet potato. For breakfast I had scrambled eggs and 3 bites of pancakes and 1 bite of a sausage link (my husband went out and got Dennys). Yesterday my husband made me a chicken noodle soup Caribbean style and I couldn't even eat a half a cup!

Can you stand for anymore good news? I weighed myself yesterday morning and I weighed 205! And baby I'm going down from here...... I can taste the 100s. I'm already fitting into some shirts that I couldn't a few weeks ago. I don't wanna go back.

Well that is all for now. Thanks for all the supportive comments.
Take care and everyone have a healthy and happy one!
Love Always,
Amberly

Day 13

2011-03-27T21:54:00.000-04:00

Well I'm still here at the hospital. They started me on a liquid diet yesterday and they may start me on food tomorrow. Once I have food they will monitor me for a few days and then send me home :o)

In the past 13 days I have had less than a cup of food. Besides getting better, the only other nice thing is that I know that I have definitely lost weight. For the next few weeks my diet needs to be liquids, soups, and very low fat foods. What a way to get me a head start lol.

Thanks for the comments
I'll keep ya posted.
Have a healthy and happy day!
Love Always
Amberly

A really sick girl.

2011-03-25T18:34:00.000-04:00

Today marks 10 days........ Of being in the hospital. I went in to the ER for abdominal pain and I knew from past experience that I probably had pancreatitis. Sure enough, and that was the most painful night of my life. Any meds they were able to give me wasn't strong enough and didn't last long enough. I was so dehydrated that I thought I was going to die of thirst. They refused to give me anything except pain meds and an IV. They admitted me immediately and I was sent straight to the intensive care unit (ICU). I was pretty much only conscious when my pain meds wore off. They verified that it was my pancreas and that my blood work up showed that my triglycerides were over 7000. That's not a typo. according to the information I've researched these are triglycerides levels:

Normal - Less than 150 milligrams per deciliter (mg/dL)

Borderline high - 150 to 199 mg/dL

High - 200 to 499 mg/dL

Very high - 500 mg/dL or above

I was extremely dangerously high. In fact I think I shocked many of my doctors. Someone with that high of triglycerides normally means that have a problem with alcohol. That isn't me though. I may have an occasional drink (once a month) but nothing nearly to send my triglycerides high or off the charts as they are.

The doctors recommended that I go through with a procedure called Plasmapheresis. Basically it's just like dialysis, they filtered and cleaned my blood through a machine and put it back in my body. They redid my blood work and found my triglycerides had dropped to just above 300.

I've been in recovery and have had a bit of a set back. I was stomach pain again. My abdomen has a few liquids pockets, but there isn't anything they can do. They are going to continue watching me so that my pancreas doesn't relapse.

This is my third time in 4 years. I've been doing some mad research trying to find out how I got this way and how to prevent it from happening again. Diet and exercise of course, but I've already been doing those things. So more research to do.

Sorry that I haven't been around much. I'm still hanging in there though.
Have a happy and healthy day!
Love always
Amberly

Quick Update - more to come

2011-01-27T01:15:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow starts my '50 days of fitness' program!!!!! I'm really psyched. I have a gym buddy who is 100% committed..... In 2004 we lost some serious weight together. So tomorrow is the kick off rally and we are gonna sit down with a calendar and plan out our 50 days and stick to it as best we can.

I went for soccer practice last week and I was contemplating whether or not my ankle was ready to handle it. Against my passion for soccer, I decided that it would be best to sit this season out and let my ankle fully heal instead of injuring myself more. (I think this is the biggest grown up decision I've ever had to make) I'm still going to fully exercise and take care of my ankle (unless it hurts obviously) but I know that it can't take the aggression of soccer right now. Let's face it I need to lose a couple of pounds too.

Weight watchers - still truckin along. I didn't post my first week weight loss because I was so upset that I gained a pound...... Well this week has been a horrible week, I ate a few choice things and made a few bad decisions and it's that TOM...... And low and behold I loss 5 lbs! I don't completely understand it. (Note to self: don't make this a habit.... In a normal week you would have gained 5!!)

Love the MTV Show use to be Fat
I'll post my schedule tomorrow
Everyone have a healthy and happy one!
Love Always,
Amberly

Onward with my goals... and a little inspiration!

2011-01-16T17:27:00.001-05:00

Day 4 - so far so good! I'm starting to feel good. Feeling like I'm making better decisions.

Well last night after I posted my blog ..... and was suppose to be sleeping..... I started reading a book about gardening.... how to make $10,000 a year from your own backyard. I've always had a passion of growing things. Now... I'm not talking on acres of acres of land and having the mules plow.... and having a sunburned neck all the time.... (like the redneck I was sorta brought up to be, but I digress) I'm talking about having a few small plants and watering them and nurturing them... and maybe even whipping up some kind of food concoction. Well well well.... I got a little bored of the book... and started looking at this magazine called 'Mother Earth News' ... I started subscribing to it last year when I wanted to first start this garden project. There was an article from the Fall 2010 - Guide to living on less and loving it that was titled 'Grow $700 of food in 100 square feet' DUDE.... this was my thing. Basically the woman had decided to take a 5 by 20 ft area (100 sq ft) out of her backyard and plant a few veggies that she likes. Two types of tomatoes, 6 types of bell peppers, 4 types of zucchinis, four basils, and 18 lettuces mostly all romaine lettuce. Here is a picture of what it looked like when she got it planted. She also had added a few flowers for looks.

In one summer she counted and weighed all her harvest and compared prices at the grocery store and she estimated her garden to have produced over $700 and it was all organic! It was 77.5 lbs worth of food (15.5 pounds of bell peppers, 14.3 pounds of lettuce, 2.5 pounds of basil, and 126 zucchinis!). The article also mentioned if that 84 millions US households had a garden in 2009, and if just have of them planted this 100ft garden that would be a national savings on groceries of $14.35 billion! She also brought to light that in one month she harvested 230 servings of salad! This is the picture after:

Now..... I'm no farmer BROWNE (my last name) but I love my salad.... and I decided that I wanted to plant a garden this year and this article just put it into action. I know for some having a garden isn't an option.... or they may not want to get down and dirty.... but I can spare a few hours outside enjoying the beauty, soaking up some vitamin D the natural way, and harvesting food so that my grocery bill is lower. Love it! Do you know what I could do with an extra $700.. and that was only one season!

The article was out of Mother Earth News Fall 2010. It was by a woman named Rosalind Creasy who has a website (http://www.rosalindcreasy.com/) and she's also published a book (which is next on my list to get) called Edible Landscaping.

I was so excited last night I think I made a list of about 20 things I'd like to grow... now I know me... and I know that I put way too much on my plate for my own good.... (yes yes... even with food....) so I know that my list will have to shrink a little. We shall see, you never know.

I also forgot to mention that I have 3 lime trees and 1 orange tree on my property that is already producing fruit.... SCORE... I just need to properly prune it this year (yikes) and fertilize it. I will be sure to post pictures of my progress! I gotta start planning now.... I'd like to have all my stuff in by march... and I need to figure out if I want to just plant in the ground... or do a raised bed.

I'm feeling good... I feel like I got some motivation... and I've been struggling for the longest time. More to come

Hope you are having a healthy and happy sunday!

Love Always,

Amberly

2011-01-16T01:20:00.000-05:00

Well..... I am in horrible shape..... Well was until I went to soccer tryouts today. I am in better shape than when I went lol. Actually I was huffing and puffing in the first 5 minutes...... And all we did was a small scrimmage. Normally we play full field. We played only about a 1/4th or less and ughhhhh. But as y'all know I've been working my exercise groove sooooooo.... I feel good things coming. Our first unofficial game is February 1st and the season starts feb 8th. I've got a few weeks to shape up a little.

A girl tried out today who was super fight, super fast, and is better than me at my own position. In fact she was bossing me around on the field and I'm like..... Who the heck are you?......... She's friends with the team captain and a definite shoe-in for the team. I need to work harder.

My ankle...... Woould you believe that in the last 10 minutes a girl hammered a ball right into the side of my ankle?!?!?!?! There was a shooting pain from my ankle all the way to my knee....... Good news it's not swollen and I can walk...... Bad news I started second guessing myself today. I don't want to bring the team down by being on the team. I started questioning if I was ready to take on this aggressive sport.... Let's face it last fall I sprained the ankle at the unofficial game..... And was out all but 3 games of the season..... And now I'm still having problems. I need the exercise and love the exercise but am I doing more harm than good in the long run. Oh and a new thing the coach said which I really like..... Practices are for techniques only..... Not fitness.... We need to work on our own conditioning on our own. A few of the practices last year were an hour and a half of conditioning and maybe 30 minutes of play. The girls even started skipping out on practices because we didn't get to do any ball work. My verdict..... Stick it out and keep working hard...... And lay off the pride.... We are a team for goodness sake.

Weight watchers day 3 accomplished. However even with the soccer I don't feel like I'm losing anything. I'm waiting to weigh-in on Wednesday. In fact I weighed in last Wednesday at home and I was 218 which is good I didn't gain, then I got to WW and the scale said 223.... I hate that but what can you do? So I am boycotting my own scale for a while and trusting in WW abilities to weigh me in.

Today I had an omelet for breakfast.... And then a Linner since soccer practice was all afternoon. I had sushi. I got my pointsplus values for it all and with the earned exercise points it made it great. However I was really hungry like an hour later...MSG anyone? I had a banana with a little peanut butter and the capped me about 5 hours ago. Still not hungry (should be sleeping). But Im not feeling any changes .... I know I know it's only been three days. Oh another thing I think I like is treating myself to my favorites on the weekend..... Within my daily allotted points of course. Yesterday I had Mexican and I had to make a whole lot of changes to what I normally eat. But all in all I'm really liking this so far.

Well Im gonna get some shut eye
Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. Holiday weekend for some (like me)
Love always,
Amberly

WW

2011-01-14T22:00:00.000-05:00

Can't believe that's it's almost been a week since my last post. My laptop is messed up... I think the screen is burnt out... I'm not quite sure. I got an ipad from my brother a few weeks ago... that my husband seems to deem as his own.... so whenever I want to get online and blog.... I have to do it the old fashion way and go to my desktop... lol.

Well I joined WW (Weight Watchers) this week. I think this is like my 4th or 5th time joining. The first time I was 17... and lets face it I didn't want to change my ways... in fact if I still had my old journals around you'd see that I would factor in Dr. Pepper, candy, and we went out to lunch everyday. I remember I would get a Taco Salad from Wendy's and it was 9 points (without the corn chips).... however that was a decade ago.... (apparently I'm getting older?!?!?!?!) The other times I joined WW I was seriously thinking that just by joining it was the magic I needed.... Obviously not....

So here I am. It's the end of day 2... and I'm doing well. This evening though I had mexican food... and my stomach isn't feeling very well. I had to make a bunch of alterations to what I use to eat. What I use to eat was like 44 Points... and then the appetizer (26 points) and chips, salsa and Guac!!!!(12 points) Holy Moley..... I'm a little ashamed..... but that is why I decided to join WW. I know I have a huge problem with portion control.... and I really like the support system that they have in place. Also... they are constantly improving so that they can help the vast majority.... which means there stuff is just gonna get better and better. Okay, okay.... they aren't paying me to say this...... but it would be nice lol.

Moving on.... TOMORROW..... Soccer tryouts. Since I was on the team last season.... I automatically was asked back this season.... but between me and you (all of you)... I don't think that I would be making tryouts tomorrow. Last season was a bummer because I sprained my ankle and was out for nearly the whole season. I've been doing some stuff to help strengthen my ankle (which has been helpful) but I didn't lose any weight... and I feel as though I am more fat than I was... as if my muscle that I had..... turned into fat :o(
Plus I feel really out of shape. On the flip side.... our first game is in the first week of Feb... so that gives me time.... and it will also force me to improve because I am not gonna wanna be seen as the 'biggest girl on the team' or I don't want the team to feel as though I'm bringing them down.

Last season there was a game in which the coach put me into a different postion along with another girl... and they kept taking us out of the game every 5 or 10 minutes because it was like we couldn't keep up.... I was so embarassed. Then the next game... I was put into a position that I played almost the entire game... and I was helping the team... not hindering them. Point of the matter..... I know I will step up my game and work on conditioning until the season starts.

I hope everyone has a good week. I am gonna go catch up on my blog reading.
Stay tuned to see how soccer goes tomorrow... (at least it won't be hot..... with this stinken cold front)
Have a healthy and happy weekend!
Love Always,
Amberly

Getting in Gear

2011-01-08T18:26:00.000-05:00

Well I'm trying to find the motivation to get into gear. I have to admit... I've been so lazy! I've been doing some treadmill work like every other day. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've got goals... I've got daily expectations.... but I'm not living up to them now. Arugula!

Okay I promised I would post some pictures of my herbs in containers. There is rosemary, thyme, parsley, chives, oregano, spearmint and another one that is not coming to my mind.

My goals are underway... but I'm having a bit of a problem with eating... I'm eating way too much... and it's because I'm hungry (not mindless eating). I've been thinking about it for a while and I'm considering joining weight watchers. I know that it is a successful program... and I'm thinking it can help assist me with portion control. I've been on Weight watchers before and haven't done so well.... but that's because I wasn't 100% on board with it either. I could see myself looking all nice like Jennifer Hudson in those commercials lol.... I am planning on attending a meeting this Wednesday. The leader of the meeting has been a leader since at least 2001 when I first joined when I was 16 or 17 I believe. She's been there all this time, and she really is a great leader... very inspirational.

I like the idea that you can eat anything, as long as you record it and it's within your daily goal. I was on a diet in 2009... and I was doing awesome on it... it was supervised by the doctor... but it cut out nearly all carbs.... letmetellyou..... you lose tons of weight... but it just comes right back on. If I would've followed the program through... then when I reached my goal weight the doctor would start introducing the healthy whole grain carbs back into my diet.... but I did not. I had a few friends that did it and lost tons of weight, look great and everything.... but I was having problems following through and being strict. I really, as I'm writing this, feel like a fool for not continuing that while it was working for me. But another thing is... when my friends got down to their goal weights... they didn't support me and I felt alone in it. Which is another reason that weight watchers just sounds really great this time... I need to build a support system. I have people in my life that are for me losing weight and being healthy.... but their actions don't help me. I really need to find some people that are on the journey with me.... that can help with accountability.

Well those are my thoughts. I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.
Take care and stay healthy!
Love Always,
Amberly

Goals and Rewards.

2011-01-04T00:19:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a great 'first Monday of the new year' Unfortunately I did not end up feeling very well. My stomach was/has been/ is upset. Today was a pretty productive day anyhow.

I also want to thank everyone for the comments. It is so nice to have such a wonderful support. I hope that you find my comments in your blogs just as (if not even more) supportive.

So today I was busy running errands, working, house cleaning, figuring out the budget and setting up the finances for the year. I'm happy to say that this year my husband and I should be completely out of debt. We've been working it off now for 2 years so by the end of this year we will be out of the red!!!! (Thanks Dave Ramsey)
Of course, the one thing I didn't do today was exercise. I wanted to do some treadmill work, but my stomach is just not agreeing with anything. In fact, I'm going to make some tea right now to help try to settle it.

So I am finally unpacked from my Vegas trip and I've started on the mountain of laundry that I have been avoiding. I've also started on all the chores that also desperately needed to get done.... It turns out wishing/praying for them to go away doesn't really work.

I also set up my fiances for the year... fun stuff.... Basically I file all the old year, and get the filing system ready for the new year. I print out all these free calendars for the new year, and post them in a spiral bound notebook, along with what we owe, the monthly breakdown of payments, and the weekly breakdown of the funds. I have to admit.... I'm a geek/nerd.... though I do have a free spirit side..... but I just love putting it all down on speadsheets and analyzing how we can save here.... and pay more there..... However I would hate being an accountant. I'm a walking oxymoron I tell ya.

There is a lot that I mentioned that I am planning on posting today. I'm posting my goals, my rewards... and the breakdown of what I need to do daily to lose weight.

My goals for 2011 (so far)

1) Always eat breakfast - I am ashamed to say that after all this time... this is still one of my problems. In fact... I didn't even eat breakfast this morning (sick stomach) Arugula!

2) Eat at home more - I plan on all my breakfasts always at home. The actual problem here lies in the business of my schedule that I always just grab something for lunch and then on the way home grab dinner. And since I am journaling my food..... this is seeming very realistic.

3) Normal Sleep Schedule - I use to work at 10:30am everyday, until about a year ago my office hours changed to 1pm (sometimes 2pm) I get off about 5pm. While those are great office hours.... I am not a morning person.... I am a night owl.... Which means I find myself falling asleep around 3,4,5am and sleeping until 11am or even noon. I want to put a stop to this... I know that it is affecting my ability to lose weight, and the insomnia is utterly annoying.... but more than that it's really affecting my husband. He goes to sleep around 11 or 12 and wakes up at 5 or 6am..... different schedules almost entirely.

4) Plant a Garden - I've been working on this.... but this year I would like to plant some vegetables in the back yard and eat what I sow! Pictures of course to come. I already have planted my herbs in containers on the back patio.

5) Keep track of all my expenses - Obviously with the past two years of getting out of debt.... we have been, for the most part, tracking expenses.... But I'm going to break it down more and figure out just how much I'm spending on eating out. The money I will save in just that category alone will probably be a great starter fund towards a new wardrobe when I lose all this weight at the end of the year (see below for the breakdown)

So far this is what I have for goals that I really want to accomplish. Along with Get out of debt.

Reward System:
This is subject to change obviously... But I at this present moment I couldn't think of things that I may possibly want for rewards. This is what I got so far:

215 - Manicure and Pedicure
210 - Massage
199 - Iphone
195 - Manicure & Pedicure
190 - Massage
185 - Guitar Lessons
180 - Shopping for some new Jeans
175 - Manicure and Pedicure
170 - Massage
165 - Facial / New Clothing
160 - Manicure and Pedicure
155 - Massage
150 - GOAL - New Wardrobe!!!

I love manicure and pedicures (can you tell?) and I figured it to where I would be getting a massage every 3 months or so.... and I have a membership at a spa place that I get them for $40 per massage... (jealous much).... I've also always wanted to have guitar lessons. So... so far this is what I've got.

Breakdown for weight loss this year:

I've been listening to Zig Ziglar's ' How to get what you want' and he speaks of when he needed to lose weight he broke it down to what he needed to be doing daily. I decided that it would be interesting to do the same thing.
So I have 68 lbs to lose.
68 lbs divided by 12 months = 6 lbs per month. (doable) (It's actually 5.7 but I rounded up)
6 lbs divided by 4 (weeks in a month) = 1.4 lbs per week (very doable)
1.4 lbs divided by 7 (days in a week) = .2 (I gotta lose .2 lbs a day to reach my goal at the end of the year)
So what is .2 calorie wise?
To lose 1.4 lbs a week I would need to burn 4900 extra calories a week.
Which would be 700 calories a day.

This has put a whole new perspective on this for me. For instance it will help me think twice or even thrice before I put something into my mouth. I will know that I will have to work EXTRA EXTRA harder to burn off something. And.... I'm only aiming to lose .2 a day.... it seems simple. I know that it isn't lol.... I also know that you can't predict what the body will or won't do..... but I'll come darn close!!!

This has turned out to be and extra longer post than I intended. I haven't completely figured out my workout schedule for the week.... and I will get on that and let you know tomorrow.

Hope that everyone had a great Monday!!! Now I'm off to force myself into some shut eye!!
Love Always,
Amberly

Feeling a little lost

2011-01-03T03:12:00.001-05:00

It's about 3am...... And as already stated....I'm feeling a little lost. I had pizza tonight and I feel terrible. Literally my body feels terrible I want to get it out of my system. Why is it I always forget what I feel like afterward when I'm trying to figure out heat to eat? Seriously ..... I did it on Thursday too.... I had a great day and I got Taco Bell. Not quite sure why but it made sense in my mind at that moment and I ended up feeling horrible. Why is itIneverlearn my lessons. This makes me feel like I'm not being responsible and I'm not taking care of myself.

I need to pit together a schedule to stick to. I'm a planner I love schedules.....what happened? I find myself shying away and being lackadaisical. I'm in a bit of a rut. I use to be on top of everything and now I just feel burnt out. I need to find some motivation somewhere.

Tomorrow I want to start my insanity workout as well as to a bit of treadmill work. My ankle is still a little sore if I over work it so I'm gonna be careful as to not to injure it but to strengthen it. Tomorrow also starts my food journaling. I must admit I am horrible about it, I also know that that is probably ultimate reason I continually fall off the wagon.

I have written out some rewards that are not food related. I will share those with you soon. I am also going to write out a schedule of what I want from my weekly workouts. I've got a lot to do. I need this to be planned. "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" Its so true.

I hope everyone is having a happy and healthy day! (at least when you're awake!)
Love Always
Amberly

Where I'm at

2010-12-28T13:53:00.000-05:00

Well I just got back yesterday from a 5 Day vacation in Las Vegas. Very enjoyable getaway, the snow peaked mountains are gorgeous... (even more so especially since Florida is the land of flatness) I got see some shows and spend some time with my brother. And the cherry topping..... I lost weight while I was on vacation!!!! How is that possible... well I was mindful of what I was eating, and decided not to eat crap food. Plus they have so many delicious salads to try....

So today I stand (write) before you weighing 218.2. Almost two pounds lighter that when my last post was. Not bad.... let's bring it on down.

This is the time of year when everyone begins to think about their new years resolutions. I like to call them goals. Some how 'new years resolutions' just doesn't work for me. I dunno. Anyhow I started this blog last January with the intent on changing. I have to admit..... I took some long breaks, and I am not where I want to be, but I would rather reestablish my goals and focus more.

Something that is really awesome is a program called '50 Days of Fitness' beginning Jan. 15 and ending.... 50 days later... Basically for $25 I have access to all the gyms in my county, unlimited use! It's great because there are 2 gyms that I love.... but they cost about $60 a month!.... so now I get to enjoy the heck out of them. I joined with my old gym buddy. We were gym buddies back in 2005 and we have a 4 month dedicated routine. We were serious! So now.... we are back on again! We are going to make a schedule to work with. I'll post it once we figure it out.

Soccer season is also beginning. I started doing some work on the treadmill.... but got a little busy before I went to Las Vegas. I'm going to start that up again today. Back at it!
Well that's all for now, more lata
Hope everyone is having a healthy and happy day!

Love Always,
Amberly

C25K Week 1, Day 1 Mastered

2010-12-08T20:57:00.000-05:00

Well so it begins..... in fact it should have already begun... but let's not dwell on the past now.

I was watching Biggest Loser last night and I was moved. If anyone else is following the show you'll know that Elizabeth has made it to the final 4. She has been passed from week to week, and truthfully.... I don't think that she would've kept it up if she had gone home. She was in the elimination room every week except once! When she got home (in this last episode) she wasn't doing so hot... she was having problems adjusting. Granted I could see that there would be an adjustment period going from Biggest Loser Campus 24/7 to real life..... but she was home a month and still nothing. Jillian made a visit with her and was able to talk a little sense into her. Then 2 weeks later they had the Biggest Loser marathon.... which from what I could tell SHE RAN THE WHOLE THING!!!

At that moment... I was like 'Okay if she could do it.... what's the matter with me?' I've got the heart! I'm lacking the motivation. Then of course I saw this really awesome commercial for GoDaddy.com with Jillian Michaels... and I thought... there is my motivation, I wanna look like her!!! Click Here to see the video on youtube.

I also purchased an audio cd called 'How to get what you want' by Zig Ziglar. It was pretty motivating also. I've been listening to that the last 2 days. Zig talks about how he lost weight... and It got me motivated. Now, I gotta keep me motivated!

I just finished my first C25K session (Couch to 5K) and I feel amazing. And, I'm not in that bad of shape for not exercising in a ~~month~~ 6 weeks. Can't believe it's been that long. But again... we aren't focusing on the past now are we? (That's really not a question, it's a statement...) So here is what it entailed:

Today's workout consisted of:

Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes. Five-minute cooldown walk.

I actually altered it to do 60 seconds speed walk, 60 seconds jogging. I was doing great until about 2/3 of the way... I realized I didn't wrap my ankle... and I had pain shooting up from my ankle almost to my knee. So I walked for 2 minutes, and then I jogged the last 3!!! I did a 20 minute cool down. All while watching biggest loser (again).

Feeling good. I'm going to take a new set of measurements, write up my food log for the day, and make an awesome salad for dinner. I'm also going to write up my rewards system.... I found something I really want! It's the new Zumba game for PS3.... It looks like to much fun... and a great workout while we are at it! I think I will set that for my goal when I reach 199! More on that tomorrow!

Hope everyone is having a happy and healthy one!

Stay warm for all the my friends out in the cold!

Love Always,

Amberly

I have missed you!

2010-12-01T03:16:00.002-05:00

Seriously, I missed blogging. I went on my trip to Arkansas to visit my family and I don't have internet out there (we don't spend enough time at the house to turn it on). I went out a few times to my brothers and used his internet.... but It was a bit slower... and I gave up after the 2nd day. It wasn't until I was on the plane ride home that it suddenly dawned on me that I could write on my iphone and post it.... (yes even though I'd like to think I'm on top of all this technology.... there are times when I flash back to the 20th century....) So on the plane I pulled out my iphone and wrote down my thoughts....

And it goes something like this:

"Well I'm sitting on the plane mid flight on my way back to Florida and I'm just so motivated to get home and get started back into a routine. I didn't get the chance to write this week while I was away due to the fact that I have to go to my brothers or to Starbucks or somewhere with free wifi.

I've been thinking a lot though. I have an aunt that is 300 maybe pushing 350. And as we all have she always says that she has tried everything and nothing will work. She has been approved for the gastric weight loss surgery and will probably go through the procedure in the next couple of months. It amazes me to no end, don't get me wrong I love this women, but I can't stand her habits. See we come from a family that really appreciates buffets.... Now of course it's because there is variety for everyone..... And it is also kinder on the ole pocket when it comes to dishing out the moola. However it has never been a good decision because of the quantity of food. My family eats. And let me tell you it doesn't matter if they are skinny or heavy set.... They can pack it in. In the past year since I've been making over my eating habits I go to these places and I'm amazed at what I use to eat. It's glutenous I tell ya.Well today we ate at a buffet before we left town and I'm just watching my aunt packing it in. And as I said before it really amazes me to no end that she is the way she is. I know people that have gone through the gastric bypass surgery lost an amazing amount of weight..... And then they are on their way back up!! I'm not dissing the surgery, it's a personal decision for everyone. One of the things I dislike about it is that although it is helpful and life changing, I'm seeing more and more people using it as a quick fix and not changing their behaviors. Therefore people never truly treat the real problem and go back to their old life styles. They begin to eat sugar again and eating more than the certain amount of ounces allotted..... Stretching out their already smaller stomach. I'm afraid for her. She's asked me in the past my opinion and I've told her all this, however I'm not sure that it ever sank in. Almost like a kid begging for a new puppy "I promise I'll clean up after it and walk it everyday" .... A month or so later you'll see that the parents have gained new responsibilities. I want the best for my aunt but I hope that she sees the work it's gonna take to keep herself healthy.

My father keeps calling me by her name on accident. I'm really starting to find it offensive. They weren't ever that close.... And so I feel that he does it because he looks at me and sees me fat and he looks at her and sees fat also. It bothers me so much. This has gone on for about a year now. I was thinking the other day "hmm I wonder who he'll confuse me with when I lose more weight, jillian michaels lol"

I've been reading this magazine called 'off the couch' it's an Oxygen Magazine collectors issue. They publish it once a year. This thing has got me motivated. I'm going to write about stuff in it over the next few weeks. I like to keep my posts short and sweet..... Not like a book."

Well... that's where I finished because we were landing. I wanted to post this because it had a lot of deep thoughts. I am really excited and motivated. I will be posting more and more each day out of the magazine... it has inspired deeper thinking and hopefully it will have you, my reader, becoming inspired and motivated as well.

Other news.... I got sick over the past week and I checked my blood glucose level and it was higher than I would like it to be. Good news.... it dropped from 300 to 170 in a matter of a 6 hours... I'm going to check it again in the morning. I know that being sick, and other monthly pains can cause it to spike.... but I also know that having 1 1/2 cups of rice the night before didn't help either (rice is a 'sugar spiker' for me).

Last thing for the night: My mom and I got to see Dave Ramsey Live (Debt Guru). He came to Orlando at the beginning of November. It was a real treat. So she mastered a plan to go a whole month without shopping (with the exception of grocery shopping... strictly food only.... in fact she usually shops at Target... and she is going to another grocery store that has just groceries so she doesn't have any temptation to buy anything non-food). She was thinking of also cutting out going to restaurants for the whole month. So..... starting tomorrow (Dec 1)... that is what I'm going to do. I think this will help me kick-start my healthy eating and get me on the road to where I need to be. It will also sock my system a bit, and help me focus on the right foods... before I go into the restaurants. In fact.... I eat out way too much. I usually grab lunch and dinner on the run. It's sad I know, and it's something that I have realized is a problem... and it needs to change.

Okay guys.... I will check in tomorrow!
Hope everyone has a healthy and happy Dec 1st!!!
Love Always,
Amberly

Quite the Conundrum

2010-11-19T03:03:00.000-05:00

Why is it that when you are doing well and on the right track.... all of a sudden you are faced with a delima.... Like you wake up and go to fix your breakfast and BAM there is a box of doughnuts.... that would NEVER be there if you weren't on the right track.

Well this morning I woke up to this.....

Okay yes this does LOOK healthy.... but my husband just loves to submerge his chicken in sugary bbq sauces. And then I also say this:

This is my husbands traditional Macaroni Pie.... in a 13 x 9 inch casserole dish.... Can anyone guess how many calories are in this?

Truth: I woke up to a clean house... and he cooked himself all this food in which he'll eat for the next few days while I'm gone..... It wasn't for me.... but it was really tempting. I'd be lying if I say that I avoided it.... but I ate small portions. But I'm sure that you have all been faced with this type of conundrum.... what do you do... Its just funny.... (But at least I've got a husbands that cooks... and very well might I add)

I feel smaller today.... which is always good. AND I got my treadmill. It's awesome. I did just a little bit on it to make sure it was in working condition. It's in my living room now... I wanted to put it in my bedroom but I over estimated the size of the machine and it just won't work out. (I spend a lot of time in the bedroom) So noe... I'm gonna have to spend time in the living room. I can go for a run while entertaining right?!?!?! LOL

Tomorrow I have to do about a million things to get ready for my trip... fun stuff.... But I'm definitely gonna do a little running :o)

Hope everyone had a happy and healthy day!
Love Always,
Amber

It's Treadmill buying Season!

2010-11-17T22:45:00.000-05:00

So I was wasting some time and looking at all the new gifts at a few stores today when I saw a treadmill. I've been really thinking about buying one because I want to have the ability to run whenever I want... not just during gym hours... and I don't like running at night. So I started searching on craigslist and I couldn't believe how many treadmills were listed... and most peoples ad read something like "Like brand new, bought 8, 9 0r 10 months ago... in great condition hardly used... selling cheap because we need the money for xmas". TOTALLY LOVE IT!!!! So basically these people bought brand new treadmills around January..... (New years resolution time) and probably used them as an expensive coat/clothing rack... and now they can sell them and get some fast money.... and someone like me can get a great bargain.

So as of tomorrow I will be the proud owner of a cool looking treadmill. It's got a lot of great features... including Ipod hook up with surround sound speakers!!!! Do you think that it can make healthy snacks too?
The other thing that is the coolest feature.... is I can sit it right in front of my TV and watch all my shows... while simultaneously burning calories... NO more watching biggest loser while eating a pint of ice cream lol!! I'm thrilled.

I'm leaving in a couple days to go visit family for a week. I'm really excited.... and I've planned out my exercise regime. I'm also cooking over the next week so I can control ingredients and calories. I'm psyched... lol... that's been my word lately. I've decided that I want to keep working hard and weigh in when I get back. Which will be Monday morning Nov 29th.

I hope everyone is making so great plans for this holiday season. Remember... it's about family not about the food... put food in it's proper position and remember to eat to fuel your body. I always try to remember this... that way when I'm about to make a bad decision.... it really affects me when I ask 'What is this food really doing to my body... helping it or harming it'.

I was watching an episode of Biggest Loser last season and the contestants were visiting the Olympic (village?)... an area where the Olympic athletes were training and they were showing the different foods that the athletes eat. They explained that the different events called for completely different meal plans.... obviously higher calorie meals for athletes that needed more fuel. Then this women athlete start describing her food.... I eat chicken because it's protein and I need it to help repair my muscles after training, and...... she explained everything on her plate.

That had a big impact on me. I eat, not for any rhyme or reason..... I eat because I'm hungry and I usually find whatever I can... or whatever I want. Of course I watch my portions and should be keeping a count on my calories.... but I never thought about it as 'Food is for fuel'..... and your should 'fuel your body'. Breaking it down even further... if you think about putting gas in your car tank when it is low.... you don't stop and ask the car 'What do you feel like having today' ... no... it's simple. Well I want this to be simple without my emotions getting involved. Believe me though... I love food... and taste is such as awesome thing...... But for me these things along with my poor judgement, my need to fill my cravings immediately, and my sometimes failing will power..... has gotten me in this mess. I really do get the meaning of BALANCE now. It's a very tricky thing. So now.... I have started being 'present' when I'm eating or 'conscious' .... I really don't want to eat a meal and think to myself that it must have been about 500 calories.... when it's really 3000..... I want to be responsible and know what I'm doing.... not act like a victim and wonder how I got to be like this.

I'm inspired.... can't you tell?

Well I hope everyone is having a happy and healthy day!
I will check in with the news of my purchase tomorrow!

Love Always,
Amberly

Proud Moments

2010-11-10T02:00:00.001-05:00

I am just extremely pysched!!!! It's is Tuesday night (Wednesday early AM). I feel great.... I had to write.
Today I had a soccer game. It was playoffs and unfortunately we lost so we were knocked out. That's it for our season. I hadn't been to the past two games... and I will admit something (between me and you)... I didn't workout an ounce!!! I kind of fell into a deep depression. In fact for some reason I always fall into this depression around October and February. This time though it started when I sprained my ankle.... I tried to stay positive and think to myself that if I continued eating the right way.... then I would be in good shape. Well... I didn't.... I'm tired of talking about me failing. I almost feel like that I always have good intentions... but don't follow through. I hate that. I hate feeling like I'm whining about my problems... and poor me can't lose it. But I'm just tired of it... tired of excuses and reasons.

Okay... that turned a little negative (although true) but that is not the reason that I wanted to write today. So back to the game. I haven't been working out... I'm not in shape... (I couldn't even run 2 laps around the soccer field for warm ups... pathetic) however... the coach put me in a new position and I was continually running... and doing pretty well!!! Of course had I been in better shape I could've done more and been more on my toes.... but out of a 90 minute game I played all but 20 minutes. I felt really good.
All day long I have been eating well. I didn't eat enough... but I ate very well. On the way home from the game I wanted some soup... so I stopped to get some. I really wanted chocolate covered almonds. So I picked some up... and if I would've ate the whole package it would've been 400 calories and 32grams of fat. Now I don't know if any of you have experienced this... but say you have a package of M&Ms .... you can't just eat half of it.... It will bother me until I finish it... I don't know why.... but seriously and when I finish the bag then I'm satisfied and I don't give another thought to it. In fact I've been trying to figure out how to 'trick myself' into thinking that the whole bag is done when really there is only half..... Hasn't worked yet. Well tonight... I ate a few bites so that I had the taste... and I was done!!!!!! For real!!! I put the rest in the fridge. I think that when I looked at the label and actually THOUGHT about what I was eating.... and the fact that I had just exercised.... that's what helped me. Okay that's it for thinking about it because I don't want to end up running to eat it in a few hours.

I'm starting my exercise regime. I really want to be in shape for tryouts. Now, since I'm on the team I will most likely still hold a position on the team however there is no guarantee... and lets just face it..... I want to be in shape and have no one to have cause for concern when we start up again. I'm going to start working out tomorrow. I just need to figure out when. I have to take my car in the morning, then work... hopefully I find sometime in the morning... other wise it's the afternoon/evening baby.

Alright, that's all I got in me for now. I hope everyone is having a healthy and happy one.
Take care of yourselves and try not to get sick this cold season!

Back (again)

2010-11-03T01:48:00.000-04:00

Well... Vegas was such a success that I stayed there and just got back.... okay maybe that's a lie.
Let's see... After I got back from Vegas I was feeling pretty on top of the world. I tried out for a club soccer team and when I got back I immediately started practicing with them. We had our first pre-season game the following week. I was pretty proud of myself.... and then about 20 minutes into the game.... I twisted my ankle, heard the cracks.... so I came out of the game for a little while.. Well after about 20 minutes I didn't have any pain and it wasn't swelling so I went back in. A little history, I sprained my ankles so many times it's not even worth the time to count. I've always had week ankles (because I've always been bigger, although I'd like to think it's because I'm a really good aggressive player). So after the game..... we where sitting down taking off our gear and chatting about our game when my ankle started swelling up....Badly.

That weekend I went away with my hubby on a beach retreat weekend and couldn't do a single thing. So I got upset and depressed.... and started eating....

I thought I would only be benched for a week or so.... 7 weeks later I'm able to play in my first game. I was so upset because I was in horrible shape. Some of these girls didn't even know I was on the team, and I came to every game to support the team :o(

So now I am here.

All 220 pounds of me.

I didn't gain much weight... (good thing) ..... but I started filling out... and I feel bloated.

My soccer team has a few more games this season and then they start back in January. I have decided that I need some desperate workout and training. So I am going to work on running a 5K. I'm going to do a couch 2 5K workout plan.

With that I shall leave you and go and read up on all my inspiring friends and see how everyone else's journey is going. I will weigh in tomorrow morning and update my info... and report on my efforts.
Have a healthy and happy day!
~Amberly

A quick update

2010-08-05T02:08:00.000-04:00

Well... I am 5 days away from Vegas! It's all actually hitting me now... and it looks like I will be doing laundry and cleaning all weekend long (at least I have a reward at the end!).

I went to the Doctor on Tuesday... and... and... and... I lost more weight :o) I am now 213.6 Whooo... hoo... I'm really psyched. For the longest I couldn't go below 217... I really wanted to be 200 by the time I leave for Vegas... but I will settle for under 210 :o)

Last year I went to Vegas for a week, and I came back 10 lbs lighter. I had a routine there and I stayed on point with my eating. So that's the plan this time. Every morning I had a mushroom omelet with a little cheese sprinkled on the top. I ate small things through out the day, and I had a nice lovely dinner.

Also last year the week after I returned from Vegas, I lost another 10 pounds... bringing me down to 193. So... whoever is in charge of this weight loss thing.... I want that again... Thank you :o)

I just wanted to check in and let you guys know my good news.
Hope everyone is havin' a healthy and happy one!
More Lata,
Amberly

Losin it with Amberly!

2010-07-30T23:07:00.000-04:00

Things have been going really well. I still have my new mentality. I haven't cheated at all... nor have I even wanted to! I'm really happy with myself. Tomorrow is Saturday... and I am taking a personal day. I'm always off on Saturdays... I mean I am not gonna go run any errands... I'm going to stay home and organize some stuff and play with my dogs. I just want a slow and relaxing day. I've had a pretty hectic schedule and have been doing a lot on little or no sleep. I do want to go to the gym tomorrow... other than that... I'm a homebody!

I just realized that I didn't even tell you that I'm going to Las Vegas on August 10th!!!!! I'm excited. I'm going to plan a business seminar for the upcoming year ... but it will kind of be like a vacation! 11 Days to go!!

I was listening to the Dave Ramsey radio show... (debt guidance guru) and there was a quote that was said that I love.... not sure who said it though.

"Discipline is remembering what you want"

Totally loving it... In fact I'm always saying it. It's my new slogan lol. But it's true... when you remember what you really want... you keep yourself from falling off the wagon.

I went to my weight loss challenge meeting tonight and guess what! I lost some weight!! Since I didn't go to the doctor this week, I will count this as my weekly weigh in. I am down 5.1 lbs!!!! Whooo hooo!!! And it was a nightly weigh in... I always weigh in the morning for true and accurate weight, so I know I am down more.... I'm thrilled!

My husband and I booked a little getaway during Labor Day weekend in Sept..... So I was hoping to be under 200 by then.. (Well actually I'd totally love to be under 193... the weight I was when we met..... but under 200 is probably a stretch as it is).

Well I think I am going to turn in early tonight. I need to catch up on my sleep!!
Hope everyone has a happy and healthy weekend!!
Love Always,
Amberly

My Awakening

2010-07-29T03:17:00.000-04:00

Over the last few days.... things have changed. I have a new mindset. Suddenly I began feeling the importance of this journey. It's such a wonderful feeling. I am feeling more responsible... more mature. I've written about that before... however it was because I was making the right decisions.... This time it's different. For instance after work today I met my husband at our favorite restaurant Bahama Breeze (Absolutely Fab for anyone loving Caribbean themed food).

My usual order is:

'Crab, Shrimp, Mango and Avocado Stack'

Jumbo lump crab meat, chilled shrimp, fresh avocados and apple-mango salsa layered and stacked; with a spicy honey-red pepper drizzle.

'Creole Baked Goat Cheese'

It's Goat Cheese roasted red bell peppers served with vine-ripened tomato salsa and parmesan toast rounds
These are my appetizers. The Creole Baked Goat Cheese is amazing... but my down fall is that I will eat the whole thing... and it comes with 15 - 20 parmesan toast rounds (This is not on my diet... I could have an ounce or two of the cheese... but that's it).

And for Dinner I order:

'Jamaican Grilled Chicken Breast'
Jerk seasonings, mango glazed, with mango pineapple salsa, cinnamon mashed sweet potatoes, seasonal vegetables.

I end up taking half of this home for a later meal. On my diet I am not suppose to have the cinnamon mashed sweet potatoes. Usually I will order the Goat Cheese appetizer knowing it's a downfall and I'll tell myself that I am "Allowing" myself to have it.... but who am I fooling... I'm just sabotaging myself. And when I order my dinner... I'll get the sweet potatoes anyway....

So how is it different this time? I went to the restaurant and ordered only the 'Crab, Shrimp, Mango and Avocado Stack' and when I ordered my dinner... I asked for double green beans instead of the sweet mashed potatoes. And then I only ate half the green beans and a few bites of chicken. I brought the rest home.

So I made some good choices... I've done that before... How is this time different? I didn't have to tell myself before I went to the restaurant what I was getting. I just went and ordered.... as if it was natural. I didn't feel like I was 'missing out' on anything. And I enjoyed spending time with my husband, and the atmosphere.... it wasn't about the food. It was just another meal I had. Sometimes I would make it all about the food. I felt relaxed and laid back.

Other things going on... I'm slowly taking control of other aspects of my life. I use to be a neat/clean freak. Over the last year I've had to deal with some depression. I felt like I was stuck in a rut.... that I couldn't get out of. I didn't want to do anything.... I kind of let myself go. I was doing so well at the beginning of the year... and then around March or April I just kind lost that spark.

Something has got me going, and it's getting stronger everyday. I'm coming up on my 2 year marriage anniversary in January... and it's been a bit hard at first. They always say that the first year or two are rough. It has been a bit rough at times. It just seems to all be coming together now. I guess I am fitting into my role as a wife... I'm not really sure, but I feel the spark or the passion in my life back.

I've started making goals and plans. It's not about "If" I accomplish them... it's "when". I have a pretty big 'TODO' List and it isn't over whelming.... I'm starting on things and knocking them off one by one. It's this mindset in me that has me realizing that I am going to reach my goal weight. I have never before been this sure of it. I have been journaling (in my personal journal) more... trying to get to the bottom of this new mindset. Could it be that I love with myself again? I've always loved myself but never enough to do what's right for me. I've always let my people pleasing faux pas completely have control over me... I've put myself on the back burner. I know that I'm doing things for me. This isn't about anyone else....except me.

As I embrace this wonderful feeling and work on finding it's true origin... I know one thing is for sure... I love am truly enjoying this journey. I'm having a lot of self-realizations and learning a lot about myself. I'm also becoming a new me. In my adult life I have never been healthy... I have never weighed under 193lbs.... I really truly (once all the layers have been peeled back) don't know who I am. Things that have defined me in the past... are no longer apart of me anymore. I've been used and abused (mentally) in too many different relationships.... I know that these people have their own issues and they are to blame for being that way... However I am taking full blame for allowing myself to be the victim. I am no longer a victim.

I hope that each and everyone that is going through their own journey has this awakening that I have had... Because it feels totally freaking awesome!

Have a happy and healthy day!!!
Love Always,
Amberly

Soccer Tryouts

2010-07-26T00:24:00.000-04:00

So I had the soccer tryouts today. It was pretty good. I actually did well, usually I have this thing about sports and first impressions.... (doesn't really work well) but I did very well. I will find out in a few days what team I will be on! I'm excited. We played indoor... the coach said that every time she schedules tryouts it always rains, so now she just holds tryouts in the the indoor arena.... One major problem.... no air conditioning! We were dying! They had fans on... but it didn't help that much. It was so hot in there that I would get that really sick to my stomach feeling. They even alternated us every 10 minutes off the field for a water break just so we wouldn't die of heat exhaustion. All in all it was pretty good though.

Tomorrow is Monday.... fun stuff... I have to work, and then I have a nice little class to attend... I also plan on going to to gym and I think I'm going to start doing some jogging... I need to work on endurance... well first I need to work on jogging steadily for 5, 10, 20 minutes....

Other than that... I'm doing pretty good... I'll check in later. I made some Hibiscus tea and I'm going to sip on it before I go to sleep.
Goodnight everyone
Amberly

Update

2010-07-21T14:23:00.000-04:00

I went to the doctor yesterday. I stepped on the scale before I went and I had lost 4lbs... SCORE... then I got to the doctor and gained .6lbs :o( I drank some water on the way there... but not 4.6lbs worth!!! I know that doctors scales usually are different from home.... but I was so bummed. The nurse was like "okay what happened this week" and I was in disbelief. I worked out on Wed, Thurs, and Mon. I have been sticking closely to my diet. I had Sushi on Saturday... but only a bit and that once wasn't enough to throw my whole week out of a loop. My husband said its probably that I've gained muscle... which is a good reason.... however the nurse wasn't buying it. Ughh... I hate that. I'm not going to the doctor weekly and paying out of pocket for me to lie and say "I don't know what happened".... I have no reason to lie.... this is for my benefit. I showed her my food log, and she gave me a paper that had a boring layout of a weekly food log and told me she wants to use that. Well.... suck all the fun out of everything. I have an appt. in two weeks... (they aren't there next week for some kind of conference) I hope to lose 20 lbs.... just to be like SEE ITS NOT ME SABOTAGING MYSELF.... but then they will think that I just got it together because of the last weigh in...
So you know what I say. I don't care what they think. And if I feel like this in the next visits to come, I may need to start looking for a new doctor. Okay that's my rant... I'm done lol.

GYM
So I have been going to the gym... I've been doing 30 min on the elliptical and 20 minutes of weight training. I notice my thighs are really shaping up.... I can fit into these shorts that I could not wear like 2 weeks ago. I use to sit down in them and the hem of the shorts would act like a belt to my thigh fat and there would be spillage.... not any more... I'm floating around in them.

MEASUREMENTS
I took my measurements at the beginning of June when I first went to the doctor, and so I figure I will retake them at the beginning of August.

WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE
I joined that weight loss challenge. It turns out there is only one other person doing it. She weighs 215, (right under me) but I figured I would do it and keep it up so I could help her. I think she's in her late 40s, maybe early 50s and she was just diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, and I thought 'Hey I already got that... I can help you.' I also know me and I like helping people. It's a shame to say... but I am not a self motivator.... I am motivated when it comes to helping other people. I don't know why... just I've always been that way. So I figure I'll stick to this challenge so I can help her, which in turn will help me help myself!

VOLLEYBALL
I haven't joined or called about it yet. It's on Saturdays, but I have another obligation this Saturday, so maybe the next one.

SOCCER
Tryouts are on Saturday!!! I'm really psyched but I haven't done any running, and they are going to be playing on the large soccer field... I think I'm gonna die!!! I saw these girls play in February.. and of the teams I saw there were a few heavy set girls... and then there is a team that actually plays for the University of Central FL and the play here on their off season... Hey you never know... this might be my way in to play for the University... could you imagine.. me going pro.... and it all started out because I wanted to loose some weight. Okay so maybe that won't happen... but if it does I'll sign autographs for you guys ;o)

Well that about covers everything that I've been working on lately. A few entries ago I posted that I would work on 5 things... Going to the doctor, weight-loss challenge, daily exercise, soccer, and write everything down. All things are going good.. I am writing everything down also :o)

I hope everyone is having a happy and healthy day
More lata,
Amberly

End of the day update

2010-07-14T23:39:00.000-04:00

So today went awesome!
When I last posted I was eating lunch. I had a huge salad from Crispers (my newest favorite place in the whole wide world!!!!) and then I went off to run some errands. I got a chicken sandwich (minus the bread) and an unsweet iced tea from Mickey Ds and then went to the gym. I did about 30 minutes on the Elliptical keeping my heartrate around 136 (Doctors Orders) and then I spent about 20 minutes on weight training for my upper body. I feel great!! Then I ran a few more errands and came home. I'm catching up on some much needed TODO lists and organizing my home office desk. I just ate my last meal of the day a little while ago (4oz of seasoned King Fish... really good!!)

So to add to what I was blogging about earlier today, about changes..... I forgot to mention that there is volleyball every Saturday morning. I use to play in high school. I think they play every Saturday for like 4 hours. I know that I'm putting a lot on my plate it seems... but I know me... I know that if I'm not continually moving forward and keeping myself occupied... I will slack off.

Also I was just chatting with one of my friends about taking a trip to Vegas. We were kind of planning it the 1st weekend of December. She wants to drop 30lbs, and I want to drop as much as my body will allow at a healthy level. There are 20 weeks between now and then. She has to lose 1.5lbs to meet her goal. I was looking at like 4lbs a week to meet mine. However I know that that is not reasonable. I am thinking 2 lbs a week (but really aiming at 4 lol). If I did manage to lose 4 a week that would put me at 141lbs!!! which my goal weight is about 150 or so... (I was gonna figure out where I want to be when I got there). If I achieved 2 lbs a week that would be 181 and that would still be pretty amazing. But now I'm excited because I have a deadline. Whoo hoo!!

Anyhow, I'd better get to sleep. I hope everyone had a great day!
More tomorrow,

Love Always,
Amberly

Keeping the weight at the forefront

2010-07-14T12:48:00.000-04:00

Well I had my 14 year old cousin staying with me for almost 3 weeks. I really had a lot of fun. She has a vivacious personality. On a good note I was able to exercise with her. She is worried about her image as every teenage girl seems to be. So we got to go to the gym and we worked out at home. With that being said I went to the doctor today and I have gained 1.4 lbs in the past month... not bad (considering I cheated a lot of the way ... remember I had a 14 year old teenager with me) but not good.... because this is July and I feel that I am failing at my commitment to myself. So after doing a bit self-evaluation... I have decided to make a few changes... and some additions.

1) Keep going to the doctor weekly - Keeps me on track and focused. I like having a doctor supervise me as well... It makes me feel accountable, and if you remember from when I first began this blog... this has been my problem from the start.

2) I joined this weight-loss challenge - It actually starts on Friday for 9 weeks. Its $50 for the entire 9 weeks, and they have a money prize at the end of the 9 weeks for the top 3 winners. Which is nice... but I'm really doing it for the motivation. Also the people in the challenge will live near me, so maybe we can create a walking group.. or SCORE - MAYBE THEY ALL GO TO MY GYM!! Then I can have workout buddies.

3) Daily exercise - This is something I've always said... but never really followed through. My doctor wants me to do 20 minutes a day of walking, treadmill, or elliptical (heart rate at 136) and then 10 min a day of weight training.... alternating upper and lower body. This is so doable. So everyday I am going to pack a gym bag so that on my way home from work (or to work) I can get my workout in.

4) SOCCER - I love soccer so much... if you couldn't tell already. There is a summer session that ends at the end of AUG... and basically I will get to play twice a week. Then at the end of Aug I will hopefully make the woman's competitive soccer team (tryouts are July 16... oh crap that's in a few days .. where has the time gone?) I was also thinking about doing the Co-ED team as well (they play on different days).

5) Write everything down! - This is a no brainer... and I usually do well with this... but on my busy days I have a tendency to not write anything down and try to catch up at the end of the day. NO MORE... it truly doesn't take that much time to jot down what I'm eating and what time it is.

So far that's all I got.. but it's a pretty good start. You can also see how I'm trying to make weight-loss/healthy lifestyle.... the forefront of my mind. I feel this will aide me until I am strong enough to rely on myself (and be able to trust myself too).

Well I just finished lunch, so I'm gonna jot that down then it's off to work for me.
Hope everyone is doing well. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you.
Have a healthy and happy day!
Love Always,
Amberly

Just a quick note

2010-07-04T01:02:00.001-04:00

Just a quick note to let y'all know I'm still alive and doing well. Summertime is my travelin months so I have been a bit busy. I'm back home bit now I will have company coming in for the next two months!!! At least I'm home right!?!?!?!

Good news joining up to play on two soccer teams.... I'm psyched. Gotta worknpn getting back in shape and getting ready for it. I haven't played soccer since may :o(

More lata
love Always
Amberly

So Far so Good

2010-06-05T14:47:00.000-04:00

Yea, they put me on Metformin... and probably a genetic brand of Trico. I already got the metformin and my blood sugar is starting to stabilize. I couldn't get Tricor because of my health insurance.... so I haven't gotten that yet.

Day one is over and so far so good! I stayed focused.
It's so funny and I don't quite understand it.... It feels great to make good decisions... to get my exercise in, and to eat the right food...... And yet I fight against it so much. And what's even worse.... when I don't exercise, don't eat right I feel awful. Why do I want to put myself through that misery? Beats the heck out of me!

I was reading (go figure... It seems I always am...) a book called "Eat & Beat Diabetes with picture perfect weight loss" by Dr. Howard M. Shapiro and Chef Franklin Becker (who is diabetic).... it is a really awesome book. It show pictures of food .... from the worst option to the best option... and it also shows like a regular breakfast sandwich from any fast food restaurant, and then it shows what you could eat for the same amount of calories (most of the time way less than the calories). I like the visuals... you can definitely see that eating healthy is a lot more food!

Anyways, at the beginning of the book in the intro they give you some shocking news on the facts of diabetes. They also discuss, in short, whats going on inside with the insulin, glucose, and pancreas. I guess what I took from this or 'shocked me' is this:

"Diabetes is not just a disease; it is also a risk factor. It is a component of what doctors have labeled metabolic syndrome - a combination of medical disorders including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high LDL cholesterol (the bad cholesterol), low HDL cholesterol ( the "good" cholesterol), high triglycerides and overweight or obesity. The more of the components of metabolic syndrome a person has, the greater his or her chances of suffering life-threatening complications."

Wow... I'm self diagnosing myself with metabolic syndrome. Seriously. My blood pressure is good (for now... but if I keep going the way I'm going I know it would be worse)... But all the rest of it fits in perfectly. It's such a much bigger picture than diabetes. Yesterday the doctor was going over the results of my triglycerides and the fact that my blood glucose level was a lot higher than it should be... and he said that I was on my way to having pancreatitis... (shut down on pancreas) ... I've already had it twice... If I keep it up... one day my pancreas won't start working again and then I will be a type 1 diabetic.

As I'm typing all this... I'm feeling ashamed, embarrassed, and such a fool. Why am I not taking care of myself? Why am I taking this so lightly? How am I forgetting the importance, the urgency? Arugula!

I have to keep this in the forefront of my mind at all times. I may have a good day, a good week, a good workout even..... I need to reward myself with something other than food. I think I am also going to post my blood work results here in my office on the wall... so that I can physically and mentally see it. I may post it on the frige too...

I've also been reading through the blogs and I'm so proud of so many of you. The changes are remarkable! I know that you are on this journey for yourselves.... but you are inspiring to me! Keep up the good work!

Have a healthy and happy day!
Love Always,
Amberly

Off the deep end

2010-06-04T12:44:00.000-04:00

Well I went to the doctor's yesterday to help me get back on track.... the took my blood to run some tests... and they did an EKG. The EKG came back looking good. However this morning I got a call from the doctor about my blood work. He's putting me on two medications, one for glucose monitoring.... and the other for Cholesterol. Has it come to this? I shouldn't expect anything less... I haven't been taking care of myself.

I started my 'new healthy eating plan' today. For those of you that read my previous entries starting at the beginning of the year... I told you that I was not to be trusted with myself. I just let myself slide thinking "I'm okay... I've been doing great... I can cheat...." Obviously I can't.

I'm going to be seeing my doctor every Thursday now just to help me keep focused and on track.
I need to take better care of myself.

More Lata
Love Always,
Amberly

Arugula

2010-04-21T02:13:00.000-04:00

I've come to realize that I just hate eating out now. I love the atmosphere.... and I love chilling with friends.. But I hate picking out foods and not being able to completely contol what's going in my mouth. I ordered steamed veggies..... and took one bite and I knew that it was cooked with butter after I requested for it not to be. Ughh.... And I also know that the salt is out of control at resturants. Who da ever thought I'd be knocking going out to eat? Whoda ever thought I'd be missing home and wishing I was in my safe zone.

I feel bloated. I've been working out (not as much as I've liked to) but I've just felt nothing but bloated and I feel like I'm gaining weight. I feel like I look like I'm gaining weight. What do I do? I'm at my business conference.... and let's see... I won't be back to my family house until Monday.... and then I'll actually be home Thursday Night..... I miss home :o(

The only thing I can think of is to cut out my carbs... and get as healthy of protein as I can get... double up on veggies....

I hope everyone else has been having a good week!
Have a healthy and happy day
Love Always,
Amberly

Busy, Busy, Busy

2010-04-15T02:58:00.000-04:00

I know that I have been really distant. But don't think for a second that I have been slacking off. I've actually revved up into like 8th gear and have really been burning calories. I'm packing for my business conference... however... I will be gone an entire 2 weeks. I've got a plan... and this time... NO DONUTS... lol.

I'm flying so I won't have to worry about a long drive with horrible choices. I'm really pumped about my exercise routine. Since I've been moving around so much (I literally have been cleaning the house from top to bottom) I haven't been doing my INSANITY workouts. Have no fear though... I am bringing them along.

We have a beautiful country side property with tons of acres (I think I will upload some pictures when I get back) so I have my planned workout which will take me 25 minutes to complete. I am also bringing my elastic band weight (?) I don't know the actual name so I will include a picture:

(I don't know who the girl is.... but totally digging her arms!)
These are awesome. I mean free weights are great, but these bands add resistance, and you can tote them around anywhere you go! I have 2 with different resistances (I bought them at Walmart, Target carries them too). So I've got that... and I'm also going to do sprints. I've been playing soccer and I want to work on improving my sprints as well as begin to build endurance and stamina.

I'll keep you posted as time goes by on how I'm doing. The nice thing about getting away... is I'll have a lot of extra free time. Well I still have quite a bit of paper work and I have to design badges for the conference... and it's 3am.... (story of my life)... oh yeah, and I gotta finish packing. Fun Stuff.

I hope everybody has a healthy and happy Thursday!
Love Always,
Amberly

Checkin' In

2010-04-11T02:53:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, Sorry it has been a while since I have posted. I can't believe how busy I have been. I'm leaving on Thursday (for 2 weeks) for a business conference, Bonus I will get to spend some much needed time with my family (they happen to leave near the conference!).

Well to make my past week short and sweet.... I was on target, then off, then on.... then off.... I guess I prefer the roller-coaster ride in my life lol. Anyhow... I'm staying true to my April challenge though. I've been exercising and the eating hasn't been quite as prudy as I'd like it to be... butthenagain.... it's me you are talking to.

I've posted before about that I was doing the INSANITY Workout. Well they have a nutrition plan (not diet) to go along with it. I figured it all out and they want me eating about 2500 calories a day.... I was stoked about that... however I feel like I want to cut that down some. Of course that is also based on daily exercise (only one rest day from the program... however they do have workouts that aren't as intense so you aren't killing yourself daily). This nutrition plan wants you to eat proteins, carbs, and fats in a balanced way. It cuts out all the 'white' carbs such as flour, sugar, bread, white pasta... and replaces it with whole grains. It's a very doable for me. So I will be keeping you informed.... as well as post some awesome recipes.

Other news... I found something awesome. I've heard about it and finally tried it today. It's called Fage... it's a greek yogurt that totally replaces my sour cream! I could tell a bit of difference.... but not a whole lot!!!

Nutrition Facts

Calories (1 cup serving size) - Sour Cream 478; Fage 120
Total Fat - SC 45; Fage 0
Saturated Fat - SC 41; Fage 0
Sodium - SC 235; Fage 85
Carbs - SC 15; Fage 9
Sugar - SC 15; Fage 9
Protein - SC 6; Fage 20
Calcium - SC 1%; Fage 25%

I'm pretty thrilled with this find! I am a total sour cream lover! (as you may know.. I'm the reason the Mexican restaurants stay in business)

I have decided that I'm not weighing myself until the end of April when my challenge is complete. (I'll be away anyhow and won't have a scale) I also got really fed up last week when I stepped on it... even though that way the week that I 'expected' to be on the heavier side.... but still I haven't stepped on it since... besides.. I'm kinda excited about it... I'd love to step on at the end of the month and have dropped like 10 pounds...(or more).

Well for some reason... I'm in the mood to clean. I dunno why... spring I guess... but I'm getting prepared for my trip and I like to leave with a clean house. My hubby is staying home and having some family down.... so at least it will be nice and clean when they arrive.... (let's hope it stays that way for my return)

Hope everyone is having a happy and healthy weekend!
Love Always,
Amberly

March Results

2010-04-01T22:13:00.001-04:00

Well Well Well.... another month has gone by. I'm sorry to say... I really wasn't present for this month... (as you have read... or haven't read... but I digress) However... as much as I would love to hide it all and act like I had an okay month... (I mean... what I don't tell ya won't hurt you.... right?) that wouldn't really keep me accountable to myself. It's so funny... at times I act like I don't notice... or hide certain facts about myself... from myself..... HELLO... I'm right here... staring at a mirror and I can't really deny the FACTS... It's funny, really funny what we do to ourselves. So here are my month's results....

Amberly's Measurements
	Jan	Feb	March	Totals
Weight	230	220.2	218.4	-1.8
Waist	47	45	46	1
Abs	43	41.5	42	0.5
Hips	47	45.5	43	-1.5
Chest	49	46	45.5	-0.5
Below Chest	43	42	41	-1
R Thigh	27	26.5	26	-0.5
L Thigh	27	26	26.5	0.5
R Arm	15.5	15.5	15.5	0
L Arm	15	15	15	0
R Calf	17.5	17.5	17.5	0
L Calf	17.5	17.5	17	-0.5
Neck	17	16.25	16.25	0
				-2

I lost 2 inches total.... (I lost 4 inches... but gained 2 back in other places) and I lost 1.8 pounds... not great... but not bad. I can work with this.... I can move forward from here. I kept Jan results up there so you can see just where I started from.

First Day of April!!! I know that you are dying to know how my day was.... Well... Rushed... and well... Looking back now... I'm kicking myself ... (I forgot today was the first day of April) I had lunch with a good friend of mine and... 9 Enchiladas later..... I kid you not! I wish this was some kind of April Fools Day schenanigan.... But it is not. What is even sadder (makin' up the words as I go along... try to keep up) I was still hungry after them. Now another horrible thing I must admit to you.... I didn't eat anything all day until 5pm when I had my encounter with mexican goodness. I know I know... So where do I go from here? Well Insanity is calling my name. I think today is the day (night) that I begin my regimen.... I will let you know if I see the enchiladas again...

Other news... my husband just announced to me that he has lost 10lbs in 2 weeks.... I coulda punched him square in the jaw.... but I'm too sweet to do something like that ( ;o) )..... I will say it is hard to hear of his great success when I have been working 10 times harder at this than he has (minus this past month cuz it doesn't count lol) but seriously.... I worked my butt off in Jan... and then intensified it with all the exercise in Feb.... only to have lost a total of 11.6 pounds. Which is another reason why I gotta make this journey truly memorable and all about me. Nobody else.

So... in triumph over this April celebration and "MOVING FORWARD" being this months motto.... I have decided to take on a challenge. Skinnyhollie is doing a 21 day challenge and I am all over this like white on rice. Spring is here... and it's time to make the most of this beautiful weather that we are beginning to have.
The challenge goes like this... It starts April 5th - April 26th and you set a few daily priorities.

1) DAILY EXERCISE - At least 30 minutes of SOMETHING -and I am going to focus on Insanity being my form of exercise.

2) WATER - AT LEAST 100 oz. of water daily.

3) BREAKFAST - Since I have gone AWOL on my routine I need to get into my groove again.

I've actually decided I'm going to start this challenge now. So who is up for it with me? Any takers... anyone needing a fresh start. The terms of this challenge are completely up to you. Just do something different and work on yourself intensely for the next 21 days (25 for me.... heck.. I should make 30 lol )

But I have a challenge... with this challenge. I'm going to be out of town April 15 - 29th for a business. I thought that I would just bring the Insanity dvds with me... but now my husband is hooked on them. I shall figure something out... the one thing I will not do is what I did the last time I went away.... NOTHING.....

I would like to make a small goal for myself too...
My goal is for the month of April to lose 5lbs. This figures out to about a pound a week. Totally doable.
GUESS WHAT! IT'S FRIDAY!!!!
Have a Happy and Healthy Friday (and stay away from the endless enchiladas)
Love Always,
Amberly

Road to Recovery

2010-04-01T01:00:00.000-04:00

I'm still having a little trouble getting back on track. Today was the first day all month that I really felt good (Last day of the month... weird I know). I started getting things done today. I've been talking to my lil bro all day long. Seriously, I think we call each other a total of 6 or 7 times each! Usually he calls me for advice, and this time it was me. When did he mature? He's 2 years younger than me. While he was talking to me, I kept thinking.... dang when did he grow up.... I'm always the one telling him this sort of stuff. He really made me come to terms with my life being in a stand still right now. I'm moving forward baby!

Thanks to everyone for all the nice comments I got yesterday. I love blogging! I love my support group!
Well... the Insanity program is INSANE. I can really understand where it gets it's name from. But let me tell you.... it works. I can feel it. At times it does feel like I'm totally not qualified to do it... but I'm working on building up so that I can complete an entire workout.

Well, this is just short and sweet tonight!
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thursday!
Love Always,
Amberly

Taking one day at a time

2010-03-29T13:50:00.000-04:00

I'm trying desperately to get focused again. Stop....
Now I'm at a writer's block.

I want to tell you that I've been really down lately and that I can't find anything or anyone to "Pick me up"
I want to tell you that I fought with myself yesterday from eating until my hearts content.... (thank goodness I don't keep crap in my house other wise I would have lost :o(

I really don't know what wrong with me. Yesterday I was playing PS3 all day and I just thought to myself... I need to get back on my routine and start making daily goals. I need to take this one day at a time right now.
Good news... I weighed myself this morning and I'm 219. I was dreading it being higher and then me wallowing in the fact that I've completely backtracked. But I didn't.

I bought the Insanity Workout system. It looks awesome. I started the fit test and I couldn't even finish the other half and I was so sore! I'm going to attempt it again and get revin' on it. I like the idea of a workout that you just use your body and no other equipment. I feel like it's things that I can learn so that I can do them anywhere.

Also I've been playing soccer every week. I even played twice last week. I'm starting to get into my groove and I had a lot of the players telling me that I should try out for a team. That made me feel really good. Last Wednesday when we played they divided up the teams and some of my players were like 'no we don't need that many people on defense... Amber's a really good defender' I really felt awesome! It feels so good to do something well and knowing that my team can rely on me.

The 5k was this past Saturday..... I just remembered. I'm still going to train for a 5k, but I think I shall take a little more time in training. I was right on schedule for the first two weeks of my training... then as you know I disappeared for 2 weeks.

April is right around the corner and it feels to me like a fresh start.

I hope everyone is having a happy and healthy day!
Love Always,
Amberly

Checkin' In

2010-03-22T00:37:00.000-04:00

Dang... all day has felt like a Tuesday.... I did 'Sunday' things that I usually do every Sunday... but up until this point I was going to report to you on how my Tuesday was. I'd like to blame that on the fact that I knocked my head on the ground a little too hard while playing soccer on Saturday... however I make these mistakes all the time. At least it's good to know that I don't have brain damage.

Anyhow... I seriously was thinking that today was Tuesday. I was going to write about how this morning my "Tuesday Weight" is 217.4! Then I was going to tell you how I went off my plan a little today because it was Tuesday. I promise.... I'm not smokin' anything!

Well with all that being said I hope everyone had a nice Sunday. I've played soccer for the past two days. I didn't get that much of a work out in though... I played with all guys... which means basically... they are all ball hogs. And what happens when you fight for the ball you might ask? A possible concussion. Actually I was the last defender and I was guarding the goal ( when we play a small scrimage we use the smaller goals without a goalie. Normally the last defender acts as a goalie but can't use hands). So this guy comes running with the ball at my left side and there wasn't a defender in sight... so I step out, ran toward him and with my right leg kicked the ball out.... well with his right leg he kicked both of my feet out from under me. I was falling on my back so I balled my back up for the impact... except his leg was there... so my back landed on his leg and caused my neck and head to whip lash and I hit the ground hard. I had to lay there for a second. Everyone was like OHHHH are you okay. Instead of answering them I started think to myself... 'I'm okay.... yeah you're okay... okay let's get up... ohh that hurts... okay can I stand up.... who's the idiot that did this... I'm okay' Let's just say I had a bad headache... and my neck is still a little sore and stiff.

Good news though.... after playing on Saturday they asked me to consider playing on their Monday night team of 8 on 8. Which is awesome. Right now I play Adult pick up soccer... there is no commitment. I didn't want to bite off more than I can chew ya know. Now I'm seriously thinking about it. We shall see. My original plan was to join a team in the fall.

Other news... I'm bummed because I thought Biggest Loser was on tonight (see above with the whole 'Tuesday' fiasco)

I haven't been on writing very much. About 3 weeks ago I started painting my computer room. I got it all almost done in about 2 days.... Well... my hubby has to bring the ladder in for me so I can cut in the ceiling.. (I'm a perfectionist... trust me IT WILL BOTHER ME) The ceilings are about 14ft tall. So basically I am sitting at a computer desk in the middle of the room surrounded by paint supplies.... while all my office stuff has taken a new habitat in my dinning room and craft room. I really want to finish..... but I'm trying to be kind and nice. I'm about ready to try to haul the ladder in myself. Anyone wanna help?

I'm in the mood to clean. Actually... I had caffeine today... so I'm in the mood to move and get busy... so therefore I am cleaning. The good thing is not only does it serve a purpose of a cleaner home... it also burns mucho calories if I keep moving quick. I don't like to go slow. I like to time myself... (I don't slack and do a bad job cuz that WOULD BOTHER ME TOO... I do the job right... but in a hurried fashion) Burn baby Burn!!

Well folks... tomorrow is Monday (not Wednesday)
Have a happy and healthy day!
Love Always,
Amberly

On track and on target

2010-03-18T17:21:00.000-04:00

Things are going pleasantly. This is Day 3 back on my re-focused plan. I've already dropped some weight and I really feel loads better. My only complaint is that I am struggling with headaches. It's not to bad though.
Oh yeah... and for some reason today I am seriously hungry.

Thanks to everyone for your wonderful comments. It's great to know that I am loved and missed, and let me tell you I genuinely share the same feelings for all of you. And M... I have been craving chicken wings also.... I had them about 5 times in the last two weeks.... I even had a few yesterday.

And anotherFATgirl..... I am totally digging all the clothing that you have been posting. I do the same things... (well I have yet to post them)

About a month ago I was at a sporting goods store and I found these nice Adidas track/running suits. I've always wanted to wear them, however ... my stomach (aka Gertrude) doesn't allow me to be comfortable in them... So I think I would like this to be my goal. When I reach 210 or maybe 200 I'd like to buy this for myself..

Anyways.... that's all I have for now. Take care! Tomorrow is Friday!
Love Always,
Amberly

And that's how I got out of jail.....

2010-03-16T14:34:00.000-04:00

I've disappeared... actually it was the most amazing thing... I was kidnapped. I told my captor that I just had to blog because I needed to stay accountable and I really want to win at this weight loss thing and I'm not a failure... Well... Then I was taken on this roller coaster of a ride.... physically and emotionally... It all started after my last post. I told you that I was dreading my trip to Arkansas.... well.... I literally finished typing my last entry and then my dad showed up we packed my gear and my good food... I got into the truck to start driving and was met face to face with temptation.... a yummy chocolatey custard filled donut. Now if you remember my last post (I'll give you a moment to go back and read it...) I was talking about how I was preparing myself so that I would have a good trip and not eat everything in site... and if you read it you get the vibe that I was strong willed and knew what I was doing.... so then you may ask when faced with my temptation what did I do? You don't have to ask silly.... I downed that mother in 6 seconds flat...

And that was just the start of it all. I started feeling bad... and I was driving so it's not like I could just whip out my salad and eat... so we pull into a Chik-fil-A.... and I had chicken nuggets and french fries drowned with Chik-Fil-A sauce.... don't worry thought I had an unsweet tea (because I'm health conscious). Then I continued driving like there was no tomorrow. I had some peanut butter filled pretzel bites and sometime after that I downed my first candy bar... then my second.... and then many hours later my third. (Remember I was captured... this was all forced). We get to the Arkansas state line with about 5 hours left to drive and I get Subway (I know I'm shocked too). Once we got there we got to sleep for about 5 hours and then we hit the town (I only had about 24 hours before I was to fly out). For lunch we had mexican food... holy gaucamole! It was delish.... and for dinner we went to Outback Steakhouse.... I ordered my normal huge salad and a quesadilla.

Next morning I got up and cooked food. This is it... time for the healthy food. I made scrambled eggs... sausage links... and biscuits and gravy. Heavenly... but not healthy. I packed my bags and we went shopping. On our way to the airport... I stupid downed this reeces peanut butter candy bar (only cuz I've never tried it before) and made myself sick... so what do I fix that with? Taco Bell. Once upon a time ago I use to be addicted to the stuff... the past 5 or 6 years I wouldn't really touch it... Now all I can crave is Taco Bell... I think I woke a sleeping monster.

I got back that Sunday evening ( 1 week 2 days ago) and it's been down hill ever since. (And you thought that was the end of my story?) I've consumed Taco Bell 3 more times, Chik-Fil-A twice, Papa Johns, Buffalo wild Wings, and other things. The truth is my captor is the old me. It slipped in and took over and I let myself go willingly... I didn't put up a fight... I just submitted to new leadership. What is interesting is that I have my comfort zone. When I'm home I can stick to my plan. I don't bring food that I know will mess me up into the house. This really is my safe zone. I always mess up when I leave town... or when I get off my routine (like nor preparing and having to eat out) This isn't an excuse... I'm just recognizing patterns. I need to be more aware when I leave home... and keep close tabs on my diet. I want to win at this thing... not hide scared and afraid that I may not be able to handle the big bad world... so I need to take baby steps. Home is my safe haven... but I need to make sure that I can handle things when I'm out and about.

I'm grown... I know how to make smart decisions...
I'm strong.... I don't need to fall victim to my old ways
I love me... I need to start showing it and taking care of myself

If there is any good news out of this whole thing it is..... I'm back and taking this as a lesson learned.

On a side note: I stepped on the scale this morning I weigh 221. Which is nice since a few days ago I was like 228.. So as of right now I'm just a few more pounds than I was down to. I'm also refocusing. Starting back at square 1 with the my diet. Throwing out the stuff I don't want to eat (like taco bell, chik-fil-a pizza), and reclaiming the things I love (grapefruits, kielbasa with peppers, curry chicken).... I'm throwing out all this processed garbage.... I want to feel the way I felt when I was on my gym streak and eating all the right things. I felt like a million bucks.... I didn't feel sluggish (and dare I say big)... I felt like and athlete again. I love that feeling. I like being fit. I like treating my body well.

Watch out world... here I come

I'm leavin..... on a jet plane....

2010-03-05T09:06:00.001-05:00

Well.... I have an unexpected trip today. Well.... I knew it was coming up but I've been dreading it really. I'm helping my dad drive to Arkansas (give it up for my home state) and then I'm flying back on Sunday. I'm not bringing my laptop though.... I'll have my iPhone.... so I can still keep tabs on all you guys and make sure you are not slacking!!!

So even though I was dreading it.... the only thing that I did prepare is I went to Target and got this awesome pre-made salad for the road. I'm hoping to stop by there a little later and get a few more if they have them. My issue with driving is that I never eat right..... and the reason I do not eat right is I'm pressured by the other driver (who shall remain nameless...DAD) he is always telling me it's just for now... we can eat healthy when we get to AR.... and blah blah blah.... Well me and temptation don't really see eye to eye.... and well it beats me... I tried getting a restraining order but to no avail. So... this time I am prepared.

So of you may be thinking... well there are healthier options at Fast Food places.... at least you could get that if you really had too.... I say yuck... lol... I've tried them before.. and with exception to Chik-Fil-A I just completely stay away from fast food places. I've tried the grilled chicken at several places (except BK which I heard is pretty good... so maybe I'll test it out we'll see) but it always makes me sick to my stomach. I just do not like the taste... so I do what I do with soda.... if I can't have the real thing.... I won't eat it at all. It really works for me as long as I plan.... I have to plan to bring snacks with me otherwise I end up going hungry and it's not a pretty sight.

Anyone have and good options for the road for me? I've got my salad, a few cheese sticks. Hopefully I'll get a couple more salads. I also have a few of the Kashi granola bars.... that way I don't resort to candy bars cuz we all know how those taste (and why I can't have them). I also will buy water out on the road. My husband made me soup... so I'll take that in a thermos.

I'm gonna go finish packing my weekend bag. I hope everyone has a nice weekend.
Happy, Healthy and full of good decisions!
Love Always,
Amberly

Highs and Fumes

2010-03-03T03:50:00.001-05:00

Have you ever brought a can of paint home and decided to put it on a spot on the wall 'just to see' how it looks..... and then 6 hours later have the whole room nearly finished? Well... if you are like me then this happens to you quite often. Sometimes I go and do radical and spontaneous things for the rush..... and being the safe kinda person I am.... painting walls is pretty high on the list!

Thanks everyone for their awesome comments on my progress. I'm pretty pysched!!! Want more great news?

I lost more weight!!!!!!

1.8lbs to be exact! And I got a new badge :o) Ain't it purrdy

If I keep this up now I will definitely enter 2011 at my goal weight. However I have a great feeling I will be at my goal sooner than that. No matter what I've really got a great attitude about all this. I'm loving my life right now.

Have you guys ever heard the Miley Cyrus song 'The Climb'.... if you haven't I'll indulge you by posting the lyrics :o)

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

This is the meat of the song.... They reapeat the chorus several times and add in some Whoas but this is the main words. Kind of inspiring huh. At least I thought so. In a nutshell... this is about the journey. I know I'm gonna struggle and have my bad days.... days when the scale doesn't move.... times when I don't go to the gym (going on 5 days now... I know I'm just horrible).... but I'm gonna get a lot more great days... days when a stranger bats an eye at me..... days when I look in the mirror and think 'Wait where did the fat go' (yes I do have my moments).... days when I'm laying down trying to figure out what is protruding out of the side of my ass only to realize I actually do have hip bones...... moments when I'm trying on clothing only to realize that I no longer fit and need to go down a size..... I gotta take in these moments.... take time to learn how to heal from past mistakes....makes sure that this is my life not just a fly by night diet..... and always make sure that I'm smiling.

So today I was eating a donut ... (yeah I know ... no lie.... an old habit of not bringing anything to eat with me to work cuz I thought I'd probably have time to get something when in fact it was one of those days I got slammed and didn't even have a chance to breath.... ) Why I grabbed a donut really beats me... It was just sitting there ... only one thank God... and I ate it. Twenty minutes later I felt like crap. I wasn't feeling guilty.... which is surprising for me... I knew I could have it because it was in my calorie budget.... I felt horrible because I've been eating such great home cooked food that is healthy for me... and my body was literally sayin "Really Amber... what are you thinking.... no lunch and then this bombshell.... Really are we back to this now" I have to admit in a sick and twisted way I was really happy my body reacted the way it did. That chemically-made artery-stopping sin disguised as sweet goodness shouldn't have entered this 'temple o'mine'

Ya know I was so excited about Biggest Loser up until today when I got slammed with work... then forgot about it until this moment... This is what you get when you enter my world. It's not quite normal... but where is the fun in that anyway?

Anyhow... I shall sign off now. I'm feeling pretty great.... (could be from the paint fumes... as I did paint the computer room....) I hope everyone has a great middle of the week.... wednesday.... hump day....
Love Always,
Amberly

February Results Are In!!!

2010-03-01T20:07:00.001-05:00

The Results are in!!!!

Amberly's Measurments
	Jan	Feb	Totals
Weight	222	220.2	-1.8
Waist	47	45	-2
Abs	43	41.5	-1.5
Hips	47	45.5	-1.5
Chest	49	46	-3
Below Chest	43	42	-1
R Thigh	27	26.5	-0.5
L Thigh	27	26	-1
R Arm	15.5	15.5	0
L Arm	15	15	0
R Calf	17.5	17.5	0
L Calf	17.5	17.5	0
Neck	17	16.25	-0.75
			-11.25

Do you guys see that???? I lost 11.25 inches off my body... (but only 1.8lbs for the whole month?!?!?!) This is just another reminder of how we should always look for success everywhere.... not just count on the scale.
I'm so stoked! I can't wait until next months results are in!!!

Other news.....
Wow.... I mist be a great liar (is that a good thing or a bad thing?) Cuz none of ya'll guessed my truth! Truth is there was a little bit of truth in a few of them:

1. I got to travel around the world after high school graduation.

Okay this one was a complete lie....

2. My first tattoo I ever got was a heart with wings, and a soccer ball with a sunflare with the words 'Dulce Angelita' in between them.

I truly planned out this whole tattoo.... but I hate needles and would have never really brought myself to do this! Now I'm glad I didn't.... cuz gaining weight... and then losing weight it wouldn't look too good.... and then when I got older..... glad I hate needles man!

3. I was born in Italy and came here when I was 6 months old.

This was one of my best friends a while back ago. Not me though!

4. I was on American Idol's Hollywood week in 2006, but sadly was sent home after Simon made me cry. Bold face lie... but I know he woulda made me cry.

5. I participated in the USA vs. Australia Track meet that took place in Surfer's Paradise, Australia in 2002. THIS IS MY TRUTH!!! Right after I graduated I got invited to go and participate in the track meet and we even got to stop in Hawaii on the way back! Nobody guess it!!!

6. I was born as a twin, but my brother didn't survive birth.

I was not born a twin, my brother was... but his twin (which woulda been my other brother) didn't survive. We didn't even know my mom was pregnant with twins... it's a weird long story.

7. I won a corvette through a radio station once, I was 16 so my dad actually had to claim it We were gonna sell it the next day so I took it out for a test drive and ended up totalling it when I hit a tree after I lost control. I walked away from the accident and the cops came after me for leaving the scene of a crime... This is absolutely true... except about the part of it happening to me. It happened to a kid that I sort of new by association. I would like to think at 16 I would've been more wiser .... not to walk away from the scene of a crime lol!!

I hope everyone had a great weekend! Mine was pretty good... except I went over on the calories 2 days in a row!!! It wasn't just 20 or 50 or 100... one day it was +322 and the other it was +740 .... no comment.... However I got on the scale this morning... and I'm down... and it's soooooooooo nice... but I can't "officially" announce it until tomorrow. (Don't ya just love me for that)

Other GREAT NEWS.... BIGGEST LOSER WILL BE BACK TOMORROW NIGHT. Now I think I need to write a letter to NBC and let them know just how much Biggest Loser is a part of my regime.... They need to understand that when something important like Olympics... Presidential speeches... or what have you come on in place of my show.... they need to figure out how to keep BL on... maybe show it at a different time or something. Okay I know I know... but it seriously keeps me motivated. In fact I record the episodes and watch them again.... I keep them over the summer (my fave episodes) since they don't show any over the summer months... and then I catch the reruns....

Well guys.. that's it for the time being. I've got 2 awards to post in the upcoming days... so be looking out... I could nominate you!
More lata
Love Always,
Amberly

Thanks for calling me a liar

2010-02-25T19:26:00.002-05:00

Things are going better today. I actually had a thought to skip the gym.... which made me go there that much faster.... I began my workout... but about half way through I lost the stamina... so instead of jogging for 2 minutes... I only did one... and then a whole lot of walking... however I made myself finish my workout... it just took longer. I don't know what was up... but I began thinking about just how healthy I have become. The awesome choices that I am making... and the fact that my body really is loving me for treating it well. That's what matters. The better I treat my body.... the longer it will stay with me..... um ya know what I mean... This is short and sweet because I received 2 awards... Here is one... and I will post the other tomorrow.
Can you believe Friday is finally here!!!

Thank you to Phil @ A View to a Phil for thinking of me when nominating fellow bloggers for this award!

Here are the rules of the award:
1. Thank the person who gave this to you.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you.
4. Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth.
5. Nominate seven "Creative Writers" who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
6. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

I nominate the following blogs this award:

1. Rachel @ Body by Pizza

2. Hollie @ Hollie's Weight Loss Blog

3. Lisa @ A Wii Story

4. M @ This Girl is Losing It

5. Kate @ FearlessKate

6. Kaitlin @ Everyday Grace

7. MissHaneefa @ Black Girl Gets Fit

The seven I picked are ones that have truly inspired me, either through their blog posts or their encouraging comments and emails, or all three. Knowing that my weight loss and my blog meant enough to make some of you reach out to me when I was ready to delete it all really meant a lot!

Now for some lies, and one truth...

1. I got to travel around the world after high school graduation.

2. My first tattoo I ever got was a heart with wings, and a soccer ball with a sunflare with the words 'Dulce Angelita' in between them.

3. I was born in Italy and came here when I was 6 months old.

4. I was on American Idol's Hollywood week in 2006, but sadly was sent home after Simon made me cry.

5. I participated in the USA vs. Australia Track meet that took place in Surfer's Paradise, Australia in 2002.

6. I was born as a twin, but my brother didn't survive birth.

7. I won a corvette through a radio station once, I was 16 so my dad actually had to claim it We were gonna sell it the next day so I took it out for a test drive and ended up totalling it when I hit a tree after I lost control. I walked away from the accident and the cops came after me for leaving the scene of a crime...

Can anyone guess which of these statements is true?

Missing the Mark

2010-02-24T23:41:00.002-05:00

Well this day started out nice... then I had a few decisions gone wrong and then I assumed something and ended up making an a#$ out of myself... (not in front of anybody though). I got up and decided not to go to the gym this morning because I was sure to get an awesome workout in at soccer tonight. I for some weird reason I didn't feel like making breakfast.... I sat down and ate a grapefruit anyway. I went into work.... finished up and then I went out to run errands and grab lunch. we went to a 7-11 and I got a meal replacement bar... (I saw it a few days ago and wanted to try it) I ate half of it as I figured it was probably going to be a late lunch (and it was). Then I also got dark chocolate covered almonds. So I'm on my way out to a few stores when my dad spots and ice cream shop he wanted to go in. He had just had a hershey's chocolate bar in which I reminded him, and I knew full well that I wasn't going to get anything. So we went into Barnes and Noble.... and I was feeling good about myself. When we headed back to the car my dad suggested we walked inside in which he then proceeded to choose something to eat. I DID AS WELL!!! I wasn't even thinking anything like it was bad for me... or calories... nothing I tell you. It was all mindless! Guess what I got.... 2 chocolate chip cookies with ice cream in the middle. I remember thinking as I was eating it... that I should have gotten only 1 cookie with a scoop of ice cream because they were enormous. After I nearly devoured it all... (btw I was done with it... but just kept eating more instead of stopping) I threw away the last 4 bites... about 5 minutes later I got a wicked stomachache.... That is when everything about this whole experience came to me..... then I was bummed that I got it when really I didn't want it, I was just hungry for real food. I'm pretty sure it was 500 calories plus... and I got extremely heartbroken.... I wasn't trying to 'sneak' one in.... or 'get away with something' (like I really would) I just blatantly made a wrong decision.

So then we are trying to find lunch..... and we go to Panera.... I got a ham and cheese sandwich on sourdough..... and a cup of new england clam chowder (2 days in a row.... ) I forgot to ask for an apple and they gave me the bread... and stupid me not thinking.... ate it.

As we are leaving.... I'm trying to add up everything I've eaten and to put me in some kinda ballpark figure.... and I just start rationalizing with myself that I was going to play soccer and I could burn up all the carbs....

We went to play soccer. I will say I did have a good time. I didn't play that hard... but I can tell I am in better shape than I was last week. My legs are definitely getting stronger. However... I didn't hit my calorie burn for the day... I didn't hit my vigorous activity goal either (30 min).... It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't eaten that stinken ice cream sandwich..... I'm a little hungry now... and I just don't even wanna eat. I'm a little depressed about how soccer went. My husband didn't wanna go... and then he made a couple of comments that put me in a bad mood. I seriously try to do my best. I do it with a good heart and try to with a humble spirit.... but someone has always gotta say something.... I gotta work on building myself up and stop taking peoples crap. (I got offended by one of the soccer players... and there were a couple other things that I'm just trying to roll of my back...) I'm in the mood to just go to the gym and run for a while.... get lost in some good tunes and a hard sweat... but alas the gym is not open and won't be for another 5 hours.

I'm really disappointed in myself. How am I ever gonna win at this if I keep screwing it up. While I know that this is something I'm just gonna have to work on... and practice makes perfect..... I don't wanna just shrug it off and think 'It's okay.... I'll do better next time' I know that I will... I know that I will get back up and continue this journey. I am really proud of myself and how far I've come.... I just don't want that old care free attitude to slip back into my life.... like it did today with the whole ice cream sandwich...... mindless mindless mindless..... UUUGGGGHHHH
I think I am gonna go lay down and watch a movie to try to get my mind off all this. Get a good rest... and I think I will spend a little extra time in the gym tomorrow. (Isn't it great when you just want to be at the gym.... and you want to spend extra time there..... I definitely am noticing an attitude adjustment..... )

I hope everyone's Wednesday went better than mine!
Have a happy & healthy Thursday
Love Always,
Amberly

Weigh-In Day

2010-02-23T19:59:00.003-05:00

Well, well, well.... what do we have here.... Is that a pound missing? NO it's 1.8lbs!!! Gone!! Great news. I'm glad about that. The only thing is I'm just .2 away from 10 pounds. Ughhh the drama!
Anyways I'm gonna make this short and sweet.

Had an awesome workout today, I really pushed myself to the max.
Had a great lunch went to the Town Tavern which has real New England food. I had clam chowder and a lobster roll. It was excellent!

I sat down this morning after my workout and logged all my missing info for my food consumption over the weekend. Lemmetellyou... I will never go that long again without doing it. In fact I just sat down and logged everything for today. On saturday when I had my little emotional kick I was 19 calories over my goal. That was the first time I've gone over... but it may just very well be the reason I didn't make the 10lb mark yet.

Other than that... everything is groovy. I'm contemplating on whether to go to the gym in the morning. I have soccer tomorrow night and I will definitely reach all my goals with just that. I'm not quite sure yet. I'll keep you posted.
Wednesday... the middle of the week!!! The weekend is almost here.
Have a good and healthy one!
Love Always,
Amberly

Whoa I feel good!

2010-02-22T20:54:00.003-05:00

Thanks everyone for their comments! On a good note... I had a 1/2 of the vanilla butterfinger ice cream in the freezer and guess what!!! It's still in there.... Last night I went into the kitchen after writing my last blog entry and thought "man I'm hungry".... then I questioned myself "Am I really"... "nope..." Then I headed to bed and didn't even give it a second thought.

Whoa... I'm on some kinda high... it's legal don't worry. I've really been proud of myself. I'm pushing myself and I'm seriously lovin' it. Every time I make a good decision... every time I go to the gym.... It adds to this high.

So I still have yet to log my calories for the weekend. I'm gonna get on... gotta be accountable.
Today I went to the gym and practically had to fight off this woman for a treadmill. She totally took the one I was waiting for... and gave me this mean look. Don't worry hunny... Karma... it will come back and bite you in the butt. I remember a time when I woulda just looked at all the machines seen they were all full and thought... "oh well... next time" Now I'm fighting for one!! I told my husband tonight that it is official "I am a runner" Haha

I was a bit confused on my workout for week 2 of my couch to 5k workout. I was suppose to go 20 Min: 1 min walk/2minute jog.... but somehow I got something confused... so instead of going for 20 minutes I went for 30... Talk about over achieving!

My dad even complimented me on how great I'm starting to look. My dad really isn't the 'pay attention to details type' .... in fact he said absolutely NOTHING about my hair.... which is a shocker. But he told me to keep up playing soccer, and that he could see the muscle in my calves. Good enough for me. Last year I went from 254lbs to 192lbs (and then I gained a crap load back) but my dad didn't even notice! It use to be I'd go on a diet and he would sabotage it (unknowingly) by always wanting to go out to eat at places that it would be difficult for me... (and as I am walking proof) I always caved and would think "I'll start tomorrow". Now I have a voice. I can speak up and say.... nope that's not really healthy for me, and my father... he also thinks ahead for places that I can actually eat. Score! Love it when people join the team!

I'm feeling so good!!! I hope you all can feel the energy and let it captivate you! Keep up the good work everyone! Have a great Tuesday!

Love Always,
Amberly

Saurday Stats:
Calories Burned 2508
Calories Consumed To be determined
Balance (Deficit) 2508 as of right now.. lol
Physical Activity 35 min (Moderate 35 min) (Vigorous 0 min)
Steps 5069

Workout:
Rest Day

Sunday Stats:
Calories Burned 3081
Calories Consumed To be determined
Balance (Deficit) 0 as of right now
Physical Activity 1 Hr 24 min (Moderate 62 min) (Vigorous 22 min)
Steps 10345

Workout:
Day 4 of Operation Couch to 5k in 6 weeks:
20 Min on Treadmill - 1 Min Jog @ 4.5 / 1 Min Walk @3.0 (alternate for 20 Min.
5 minute cooldown

New Haircut ... New Outlook

2010-02-21T22:50:00.005-05:00

I hope everyone has had a great weekend!!!!
Well I got my haircut. First I will show you what I had... and then the shocker.

Before the Salon....

This is to give you an idea of how long it is. It is very hard to blowdry out.

And now after the Salon

I totally LOVE IT... Miss the long locks... but it's so carefree and easy!!

This is my two dogs watching my model in front of the mirror.

I posted some 'right now' pics... I'm not brave enough to put my 'before' pics up yet. It's at the top of the page under 'The Beginning'

I've been making a list of all the things to write down. First off... I've been keeping up with my exercise schedule. I am still at jog 1 min/ walk 1 min alternate for 20 minutes. Tomorrow I step up to jog 2 min/ walk 1 minute alternate for 20 minutes. Letmetellyou..... At first I could barely make an entire minute running (and I play soccer man) I was like I don't know how in the world I'm gonna be able to increase. Then once the 2nd day came by I was like.. well it's not so bad... but I was fearing the big jog for 2 minutes, so the last jog I had to do I made it 2 min instead of one..... and totally busted my fear.

Today was Day 3 of my regime and jogging for a whole minute was so easy I felt ready to advance today! I did the same thing... jog 2 minutes for the last one instead of one.

I've also started getting up earlier and going to bed sooner. In fact I need to go to sleep now.

Confession: I was upset Saturday night by a text message comment and on my way home I argued with myself on getting ice cream. First I wanted coldstone... but I knew that the ice cream had to be at least 1000 calories... it's so dang good. So I argued with myself all the way to CVS where I purchased a pint of vanilla and butterfinger ice cream and a stinken ice cream sandwich. I use to always joke around that if I do something bad... then I could do something good to cancel it out.... Well... does going to the gym at 7am this morning cancel out the ice cream bash? Well 1st thing is at least I was thinking about calories.... my thought process is starting to change.... 2nd I didn't eat the whole pint of ice cream... and just to guesstimate how many calories I had I would say 550 including the sandwich. Isn't bad... isn't great. But I'm coming along.

Confession: I haven't been keeping up with my food log as I should for the past 2 days. I have to sit down and figure it out.

Now as I'm getting into this routine I think I may change some things around.
1. Move my weigh-in day from Tuesday to Friday... that way I can be a little lax on the weekends without paying for it on the scale.
2. I should plan my lowest calorie eating days to be the 2 days off at the gym. I know this isn't rocket science... but it's not like there is an 'idiot's guide' either. I figure... since those day I automatically burn less... that's when I should have my 2 lower calorie days... make sense?

So far that's all I got. I can't weight (lol) to step on the scale on Tuesday. I know I have lost a few lbs. I'm just so happy because I feel I'm really heading in the right direction and I'm really doing it this time. I've said I've wanted to in the past.... but inside I never did. I never changed... I sat down and thought about it... and if I lose 6 lbs a month... which is really doable (1.5lbs a week) then I will make my goal weight by January for my 27th B-Day. However, I think I can do better than that. That's just like a bottom line goal.

I have such a positive outlook right now.. and no one can bring me off this high. Even the fact that I had an issue on Saturday night with emotional eating... I don't feel like it's the end of the world. I accepted it and moved on. I'm tired of letting people dictate how I feel. I'm tired of hearing let downs... I'm just changing the way I react to the situations. You know that quote from when we were in grade school "I am rubber you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you". As childish or trivial as it may sound... IT IS SO RIGHT. I'm no longer taking it in. I'm sorry if people have issues and want to bring me down for the count. I will be a great friend/wife/daughter/etc... but I will not be moved.

Where is this coming from? For the longest time I watch people play those games. The ones where they 'guilt' you into something.... So people know that I am a people pleaser. I always have been. I think it is because of my weight... that for some reason I didn't think people would see the real me or like me for who I am.... I became to them someone to rely on, and make things better. Once people realize how to play the game... and they have the ball in their court .... then that's when my agony begins. Seriously... and I'm done. I'm tired. I know that I got this way (overweight) from taking peoples crap and not even putting myself on my own list of priorities. When my boss calls me at 2am to type up something on the computer... I am there. When my friend calls me to confide in me... I am there... and then when I need the friend... nope I am still there... except I'm the only one there.

For so long I've allowed myself to be abused. I've always been the good friend that helps everyone out. The one that drives to and fro as if I can afford all the gas in the world... The one that gives and gives... but becomes hollow inside because I'm not getting anything in return.

I'm sorry for the rant... and that this is long. I hadn't planned on going into all this... but my fingers just keep typing as these emotions come forward.

I had a good friend.... she was very close to me. I loved her and her family. We would always be going out and having a fun time. But I feel like I was used. I would buy things for them... I would give them my things. We grew apart years ago (at least I thought we grew apart... I feel that is was a money issue) well they came back into my life last year. They were having a hard time and so I let them move in with us. Two months later they moved out into another one of their friends homes. They left me with the electric bill. Did I mention they are a family of 7? They now don't return my calls. I've been harboring these feelings inside and this is the first time I've admitted them to anyone one. When I think I'm over it... I find myself worse of than I was. Today I was at my meeting (church, synagogue, whateva you personally call it) and the talk was on forgiveness and holding grudges. I don't want to hold grudges.... but I'm just so hurt inside. I feel like they really weren't my friends for me, they were my friends for what they could get from me. I wrote a letter to them. It isn't an angry or mean letter. It's a good one. It's actually one that basically says 'I'm sorry for anything and everything I've ever done, and I also forgive you'

I don't ever get into the Bible, and I know many may have their own beliefs and I will never criticize anyone. I'm thinking though I need to let this all out it... I feel like this may be a huge reason for the weight gain. In the Bible it speaks about forgiveness... and how God forgives us and throws our transgressions behind him, as to forget them. I know if I forgive, I have to forget. That's the hard part. Trust me I do want to forget, I want to have this hurt healed. Well I feel like I need to forgive them so as to help me heal. I intended to write the letter to them to get things of my chest, but I never intended to give it to them. I think I will. I've been thinking about it for a few days now. It may amount to nothing, and to completely honest.... I don't want them as friends anymore. Close friends that is, it's not like I want them to be enemies... they will just be more as acquaintances. I also can't help but as myself.... What would Jesus do?.... In the book of Matthew it talks about if you have a gift of sacrifice and yet you know your brother has a problem with you, then leave you gift and do not return until you make amends with your brother. (In my own words of course) They may be living there life happy and not even thinking of me anymore. I also heard this saying at my meeting today "Holding grudges and not forgiving is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die" I'm angry inside but it's not hurting them or even making the pain go away... it's hurting me. So I've somewhat resolved that I am going to give them the letter, and go and speak with them.

Another really good friend of mine had a falling out with one of her closest friends and she got terribly depressed. She told me that she had spoken with her friend, and even though they aren't as close anymore and may never be... it brought some closure to her. I'm thinking that's what I need... forgiveness & closure.

Okay that's enough for now. I'm sorry so long... I probably already lost many of you.
I'll post my stats tomorrow... Have a healthy day!
Love Always,
Amberly

SUSHI!!

2010-02-20T01:37:00.004-05:00

Day 3 - and still kickin'

I took a rest day from my workout. So my stats aren't the norm... and my calories consumed... are off because I ate this:

and this

It was really yummy too. I did an estimate of the calories but they don't seem right to me. I configured my total intake for the day was around 1700. I was good for breakfast and lunch and I literally banked 1500 for this meal. I wanted to enjoy myself.

Daily Stats:
Calories Burned 2482
Calories Consumed 1719
Balance (Deficit) 763
Physical Activity 14 min (Moderate 14min) (Vigorous 0 min)
Steps 3286

I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow! I will take some pictures. I'm excited. Then I'm going out to do some shopping and then hit the gym!

Hope everyone has a great Saturday!!
Love Always,
Amberly

I am on a weight loss trend

2010-02-18T23:46:00.005-05:00

- According to my GoWear fit.

Very interesting Day 2! I stayed on target.
Things I learned...

1) I fell asleep at 4am got up at Noon (8hrs) but GoWear says that I only slept 5 hr 57 min. And apparently while I was sleeping I took 49 steps... lol... I am unable to see what time it was Except between 4 - 5am.. it may have been a quick restroom trip... who knows.

2) Half my calories today was from Fat :o( - then again I had a sirloin....

3) The Machines at the gym are wrong! It's a good basis to go on... but it's a 'one size fits all' way of calculating. I was on the exercise bike and according to the machine I had done 15 minutes of moderate activity (heart rate @ 135) however.... GoWear fit read I only did 2 minutes of moderate activity... Interesting...

4) This is like a game. I am totally digging it.... Before the doorbell rang with my GoWear Fit on Tuesday... I hated counting calories. Now I'm all over it. It's like "hmmm, if I eat this than I will have this many left" and "okay lets keep going on the machine for 5 more minutes just to see what my GoWear says" In fact.... Tuesday when I got on the treadmill to begin my first day of my 5k training... I was so concerned about the GoWear and my running that I didn't realize I was watching Rachel Ray cooking something (can't remember) until a guy next to me asked me how I could workout with food in front of my face. Craziness I tell ya.

Today overall was pretty groovy. I went to work but didn't have any work to do.... so I had a forced day off... bummer... For lunch I went to Logan's Roadhouse with my dad. I had my iPhone locked and ready except their nutritional guide is not on their website as the server told me. So I ate carefully, and had to bring it home to calculate it. I always have the sirloin salad. I love it. I decided to add on a cup of Loaded Potato Soup. Pretty good. They of course brought out rolls (4). My dad grabbed 2 and said I could have the rest... but I know better. However I did take a picture before my dad gobbled them up. I know they are totally delish.... but according to the dailyplate.com those pesky rolls are 227 calories a roll... My dad had 4 and I was just adding the calories in my head. Although they are good.... I'd rather save my calories for other food... and of course I get a lot more of it.

Here's a picture of what I missed out on... 454 calories not counting the butter next to it!

Daily Stats:
Calories Burned 3096
Calories Consumed 1745
Balance (Deficit) 1354
Physical Activity 1 Hr 43 min (Moderate 30 min) (Vigorous 26 min)
Steps 7589

I decided to add on my workout info also:

Day 3 of Operation Couch to 5k in 6 weeks:
20 Min on Treadmill - 1 Min Jog @ 4.5 / 1 Min Walk @3.0 (alternate for 20 Min)
30 Min on Seated Bike
5 Min on Elliptical for Cooldown

This was taken during my cool down. I wanted to start keeping up with my miles for 2010.

Friday it here! Everyone behave themselves and have an awesome weekend!!
Love Always,
Amberly

Eye Opener!

2010-02-18T00:59:00.003-05:00

Thanks everyone for their comments!

Well Day 1 of my GoWear lifestyle... and it's really awesome. In fact... and eye opener!
One quick note... if anyone is looking to invest in one... I have the GoWear Fit which cost me $259 (free shipping through Amazon) however... I just went to NBC.com to see when my Biggest Loser was gonna start airing again (March 2nd for all you fans) and they were advertising the Body Bugg for $249.. which is cheaper than it was (somewhere around $350).

.... Back to my awesome day. I woke up, made breakfast and was out the door. I went to work and did my thang... however, I decided to do 10 squats between each of the 10 orders I had to process. I got so into it... sometimes I did more. So I ended with 120 squats done at work. Once I left I had to go by the sporting goods store to pick some shinguards up for the man in my life. On my way I went to drop a package off at a UPS drop box... the guy was already there like 15 minutes early. I walked up to the truck and was like "knock knock" and he was laying on the floor in the cargo area... He was like 'Hello' and I made a comment about him being early and taking a break... and he said that he finished his lunch early so that when he got to each of his stops he could do some sittups and pushups... LOL... I think everyone's got the bug!

After my little excursion I met my husband and we got in the car for SOCCER!!! It turns out they have an adult pick-up team that plays 2 twice a week and we figured that we could join that first and then possibly join teams in the Fall. It was great!! Accept I starting having problems with my knee and I ball bounced off a goal post hit my shin and then went right into the other teams goal :o( It was quite a laugh though.

I got home and inputted all my info for my food for the day and plugged in my GoWear Fit so it uploaded all my activity to the computer. And here's how it goes:

Calories Burned 3516
Calories Consumed 1873
Balance (Deficit) 1643 <- That's more than 1/2 a lb!!!!!
Physical Activity 2 Hrs 7 min (Moderate 1 Hr 25 min) (Vigorous 37 min)
Steps 8248

AWESOME!!! Now I get to see what it says about when I sleep... And while being on the computer... I've burned 99 calories in the last hour. Coolness

One thing that it has been making me think about is the amount of activity I do. For instance today at work I was thinking... hmmm if I make a trip the restroom now (instead of when I was leaving like I sometimes do) then I'll have to come back here to finish up and then leave... it will add steps... lol.

Another eye opener is that I have been completely tracking my calories with all the foods I eat (yesterday and today) and I can't believe how much I was up to... when I thought I was doing good. Today was awesome at 1873 (GoWear says I should eat 2390). Yesterday I was at 2090... which is still good according to GoWear but had you had asked my how many I THOUGHT I ATE.. I woulda spun off something like 1500-1600 calories...

Well guys I think that's all I got left in me. Have a good rest, and a wonderful Thursday!
Love Always,
Amberly

Who said Tuesday can't be a Monday?

2010-02-16T23:13:00.004-05:00

Well I did it... I mustered up enough courage to begin running on a treadmill!!! (well jogging... same difference) Today has been a pretty awesome day. I was down 1.2... not too shabby... but I want it to go lower. I ate breakfast (the first time in like a week and a half... I know, I know... just shoot me) and then I headed into work. I made the decision to stop clowning around and that I was going to the gym no ifs, ands or butts. After I finished up at work and had a great lunch (salad, green beans, and turkey breast) then I headed over to the gym. I got on a treadmill and never looked back.

I started by doing a 3 minute warmup @ 3.2 and then I started thinking... whats a good speed to jog at.... I looked at the guy next to me who was @ 4.5 and thought... works for me. It was awesome. I did 1 min jog/1 min walk for 20 minutes. It was over so quickly!!! Although about half way through I had to lower my walk time to 2.9 just because my calves were killing me... rock hard baby. Afterwards I did about 15 minutes on the bike just to work legs in a different way. Day 1 accomplished!!! (Accept it's actually suppose to be my day 2... so I gotta make it up on one of my days off... Who said Tuesday can't be Monday?)

BTW... IT"S HERE!!!! As I was leaving for work when the mail came and low and behold... the thing I've been waiting for all week(end)... my GoWear Fit system!!! I'm about to bust this bad boy out and get cracking!

Today was nice... I got up and had some sense of ambition... something I have been majorly lacking for the past week. More tomorrow
Here's to your Health
Amberly

A letter to myself....

2010-02-15T01:56:00.002-05:00

Dear Amberly,

I'm so sorry.
I haven't been faithful to you.
I've been selling myself short.
I haven't been dependable or reliable.
I haven't taken care of you.
I don't even treat you the way you should be treated, the way you deserve to be treated.
I know you're depressed. I know that you have no reason to rely on me, I continually let you down.
I love you I really do. I know you don't believe it. My actions don't prove my love for you.
I know you have thought about leaving me. I know you and I know that's not really what you want.
I want to be better for you. I know it all starts with me. If you can't love yourself than you can't truly love anyone.
I know it's going to take work, this is something that isn't going to happen overnight, nor would I really want it to.
I want you to trust me again. This is going to be our journey. You and Me. Together. It won't be easy at times but if we can learn to rely on each other and trust each other I know we can make it through.
I vow to always put you first.
I vow to love and respect you.
I love you.
~Always with you, Amberly

Where have I been?.... Sleeping

2010-02-14T01:43:00.002-05:00

Well... I finally log some hours in sleeping! I'm glad. I'm gonna hit the hay in a little bit and sleep in a little on Sunday.

I got home tonight and was ready to put on my running shoes.... when I noticed this foul odor.... as I stepped closer and closer to the culprit... I realized my Pitbull... couldn't quite hold it.... which means my husband probably didn't let the dogs out when he got home... Figures... So I let the dogs outside while I cleaned up... and then of course stepped in a puddle of magic yellow stuff.... I was so ticked... I cleaned it up and got out the Mop and started warm water, added bleach and fabuloso. I let that fill up as I brought the dogs back in and (after cleaning my foot) I went into my bedroom to get another pair of socks... I walked out and my pitbull (Bella... no not after the Twilight movie... I know you didn't ask but I'm sure you were thinking it) Bella had thrown up about 5 times in 5 different areas (thank God we have tile floors) I WAS SO TICKED.... obviously it wasn't her fault and I didn't take it out on her or anything. I let the dogs out and cleaned up the mess... and by the way... she threw up 4 more times outside. My poor baby.... I went outside and held her for a while and rubbed her belly. That seems to always work... Love makes the sickness go away. So I just got finished mopping the entire floor. (I got home at 10pm and it is now 2am, I'm a bit of a neat freak... and ughh doggie germs)

Other news... I was gonna mop the floors anyway because I got a new rug. World Market went out of business near us and how a 60% off sale... Lemme just say most of their stuff was gone... but I made out like a villian with some wild loot. I got 2 rugs and a papasan cushion and some really awesome salad bowls. Then I went over the Kirklands and they were having a massive sale on all kinds of stuff that I actually like. I had a $75 gift card as a gift from when I got married ( a year and 2 months ago lol... I'm glad they don't expire). I got some awesome decor for the kitchen and two pillows for the couch. It's coming together nicely. We've been on a really tight budget lately... so it was really nice to get some things with out spending a whole lotta money.

Other news... I had this really weird (maybe paranoid) feeling that I could've been pregnant. I didn't have any signs or symptoms... but I dunno I just felt weird.. and I had started gaining a little weight (when I started at 230 prior to that I was 212). Well last Saturday I got my monthly visit... except it hasn't visited in 4 months... (not a big deal I have PCOS, so I'm use to it) and I haven't been on Birth Control since July/August of last year... no medical insurance and waiting for my husbands to kick in in January. (I'm about to go to the OBGYN soon) Now that you know all that about me... I have a point. If I happened to have been pregnant and had a miscarriage (by the way it would've only been at most 2 weeks) I just thought.... wow... see what this unhealthy lifestyle is doing to me. I was doing some reading up on insulin resistant babies... and how they almost always miscarry... and I thought man if I were trying to have a baby right now... it may not have a chance... and I would be a wreck if I carried one and then it miscarried (especially if it was close to full term). Then I started thinking... what if it was born.... diabetic, because of me. I already know because of my predisposed condition that my child will always have a risk of it.... but oh man... the tears are starting again. Not only is this journey to a healthier new me of utmost importance for me.... when I do have children (and I'm planning on it) it's gonna be important for them also.

I've fallen off the wagon this past week. Last I looked (wednesday) I hadn't gained anything... but I haven't been exercising. Don't worry I'm back on point. I'mnot sure why I lost my zeal. At least lemme tell you that I didn't go overboard... I still followed my newly learned behaviors... cept I slipped a few times on the eating when you first wake up in the morning thing. I also did have more carbs than I have allowed myself to have.

Oh and I forgot to tell you!!!! The soccer team contacted me. I have to submit an application through the official team website... and then they will call me for tryouts... and best thing yet this team hasn't started playing yet! They also have some COED teams... and my husband is thinking of joining also. I'm so excited!!!

And... I also found out that the college that I sorta attend right now is having their 5th annual 5K run on March 21.... now I would be finished training until March 26... so I'm not sure if I'm gonna do it... but that would be 2 Saturdays in a row.... think I can do it... I'm sure I can... I just gotta get focused.

I hope everyone has been having a wonderful weekend! Thanks so much for listening (reading) and being there for me. I enjoy reading everyone's comments.. and I only hope I can be as much inspiration as you have been for me. I feel like I a support group 24/7... this is better than WW!
I love all of you guys!
Love Always
Amberly

Insomina I beseech you.... Why do you vex me so?

2010-02-11T03:37:00.002-05:00

It's 3:38am... and I can't sleep. It's really beginning to toast my cookie! I have not had a decent night of sleep in I don't know how long.... What is wrong with me? I'm not even drinking any caffeine!

Tonight: I fell asleep about 7pm... excited to get a full nights rest... when I get a phone call at 10pm. Ignore it.... they called back.... ignore it again.. they called back.... finally I answered (In fear that there may actually be some kind of emergency) when they ask me 'oh did I wake you' Hmmmp
After speaking with them for a few minutes I was excited to get back to sleep but when my head hit the pillow I was wide awake... and still am.

Last Night: I finally fell asleep around 4am and slept until 10am... which is surprising (see 'the night before last')

The Night Before Last: Freaking Insomnia kept me awake until 4am... then I woke up and hour later while my husband was getting ready for work... only to lay in bed until 9am and sleep 1pm.

I'm draggin' but I have no clue why I can't sleep. I'm not stressed out... I've been eatin' pretty great... and I don't eat right before I go to sleep... usually there is about 3 or 4 hours in between. I know that if I don't start getting my sleep then my body is gonna ruin me and release all these wonderful hormones that make me wanna eat more.... actually yesterday and today were perfect examples.

I've been toying with the idea of going to the gym at 5am when they open to workout... come home shower and sleep for a few hours then head off to the office. We'll see.... there's nothing I hate more than that dizzy nauseating feeling I get when I haven't gotten enough sleep (yes yes I know I'm not the teenager I once was).

One other thing I found really interesting. Over the past so many years I've read/heard/seen/witnessed people losing weight and a lot of times when asked 'What's your secret?' they respond with a simple answer.... "I thought of food as fuel" While I understand that.... I admit It wasn't until this week on the Biggest Loser that I actually GOT IT. On Biggest Loser this week they took all the contestants to the Olympic Training Facility in Colorado to train with some of the Olympians... which was pretty cool. The contestants toured the kitchen where they had many many meal stations. Each station had the choices with all the nutritional facts listed. Then some nutritionists were answering questions they had. For instance How many calories to the athletes eat? Answer: It varies... anywhere from 1600 - 8000 depending on the athlete and their event. Then they showed a few options that some of the athletes eat... like spaghetti with meatballs for a speed skater... etc. But then the most interesting thing to me... is they described WHY the athletes were eating certain said food. For instance the speed skater needs a lot of carbs... that's why they eat the pasta.... and they mentioned chicken was for recovery since they are constantly building and maintaining muscles.

It just completely dawned on me... they have no emotion what so ever about what they eat. It is only used as a tool to help them toward their goal. That's major. Sometimes I look at Mac and Cheese... or Pizza and miss it... I may even consider it. And while it's not that I can't indulge every so often if I'd like, it's the fact that it doesn't truly help me with reaching my goal. (Otherwise I promise you I'd eat it every night) If I do indulge frequently then I'm actually hurting myself and distancing myself from my goal. I need to look at food as fuel. I may want that snickers bar (haven't had one since last year whoo hoo) but what is it going to do to my body? Spike my sugar levels, give me just a little energy before slamming me into the ground and leave me struggling to find another energy fix, help me to GAIN weight? It doesn't help the performance of my body. It may seem like a good thing but the overall reality after weighing all the options is it is detrimental to me. I need to see food as fuel... not with emotion.
Alright that's my Oprah moment of the day. I think I'm gonna lay down and try to sleep.
Have a great day everyone!
Love Always,
Amberly

Baby, I'm goin' dooowwwnnnnn

2010-02-09T23:49:00.003-05:00

Well lost not even a pound... thank you mother nature... however I know that I was under 220 ... unofficially..... on Saturday before I began this wonderful time of womanhood.... So I'm not worried just expecting a good loss for next week.

Well... I haven't heard back from the soccer league yet (I know I know it hasn't even been 24 hours) however their first games were tonight... So I drove over to watch. They had 2 teams on one field playing against each other... It was a good game.. they ended in a tie 3-3. I don't know what I was so afraid of.... I just felt that maybe my playing ability wasn't as good to play on their team... on the contrary I will fit right in! On the other field was one team.. and I guess the team they were suppose to be playin' just decided not to come...

I hope they call me back and say they need me to play. I'm just afraid their roosters might be full. They only allow 18 players on a team.... by the looks of it none of the teams had 18 players... but I also know that there may not have been people there. We shall see!

One of my goals is to do a sprint triathlon which consists of a 1/2 mile swim (.47 miles), 12.4 mile bike, and a 5K run. I saw it last season on the Biggest Loser... and I would love to challenge myself to do that. First things first... I need to focus on the 5K part... and you won't believe it..... I still have managed not to run on a treadmill.... lol.... But I decided I'd like to train for the 5K outside (when possible.... you know this crazy florida weather!) So I downloaded a beginners 5K schedule and HERE is the link to it if you'd like to see it. I really like it because it truly is for a beginner as you will see Day 1 is... walk 1 min, jog 1 min, walk 1 min, jog 1 min..... for 20 minutes. I was already thinking that was how I was gonna start. I'm gonna do some research and see if there are any 5K runs in the Orlando Area at least 6 weeks away (because my beginners schedule is a 6 week schedule).

I also need to take swimming lessons. *embarrassed* I never really truly learned how to swim. I mean hey I can get from point A to Point B if my life depends on it... and I've got a nice back stroke.... but somehow I don't think that will work for the triathlon. I'm gonna find someone to teach me... who knows what they are doing. I've been looking for instructional courses but it seems I can't find anything for adults.

So I've now got a few goals in mind to lay the foundation for some great upcoming goals.
Hope everyone is having a great successful week!
Love Always,
Amberly

P.S. I now have my first goal in mind. If i start training tomorrow for my 5K.... I will finish in 6 weeks or March 24.... well the 1st event after that is on March 27th in Orlando..... I can't believe I'm gonna sign up for this!

I got the Bugg,...

2010-02-08T21:46:00.003-05:00

Slight correction in yesterday entry... I plan on doing 30 minutes of a cardio machine Monday, Wednesday, and Friday... and then do 30 minutes of circuit training (which is also cardio) for a total of 60 minutes. I was contemplating doing 60 minutes of cardio today plus the 30 minute circuit so it would be like my 'last chance workout' however I didn't even make it to the gym today. I had every intention of doing so but got busy doing some things with my dad. I'm not upset or bummed and I don't feel like I was being sneaky and trying to get out of it. I just know that I need to get back on track tomorrow.

It's so interesting how my mindset has changed over the last month. I feel very mature. I feel like I'm facing all my issues and being responsible. And let me tell you... this being accountable thing is really nice. In fact, I really feel like this is a lifestyle change... not just a diet or something I'm dreading. I'm really lovin' who I am becoming here. I am also getting so motivated by reading blogs. I may not comment on everyone's blogs all the time... but I read them daily. I love reading what others are going through... and how the got past an obstacle... how they may have slipped and their plans to get back on track.. and of course the wonderful successes. I get so happy when people are having awesome days. Some I even know like 'so and so is going to be weighing in tomorrow... I can't wait to read how she did' .... lol and well with that I have a confession to make... I am no longer addicted to farming on farmville. (I don't know where I found the time to tell you the truth) I think blogging is my newest addiction..... but it plays in my favor because it's part of my weight loss therapy! Oh I love it.. lol.

So I mention yesterday I went to the Magic Kingdom. Well it was cold like in the low 50's during the afternoon and then when the sun went down it was in the 40's... and that's cold for Florida. Well I wore jeans, a shirt, and a sweater. Normally I hate the feeling of wearing my jeans... because they are size 16s... and they are super tight in my tummy area (and I refused to buy 18s) Well... .... they weren't so tight yesterday! Then today I wore a pair of capris that are Stretch 16s... and they were falling off! It really feels good to be losing the weight and changing my size. I carry the most of my weight around my stomach and I know that is a danger zone. I've been worried about it and now I'm actually doing something about it! This is really an empowering feeling!

Another confession: I bought the GoWear Fit! Why is this a confession? Because I literally can't afford it. Oh thank you plastic charge card that loves to be there for my impulse buys... only to charge me an arm and a leg of interest later. I got it off of amazon.com. <-- this is the actual link for the arm band on amazon. I'm really excited! GoWear Fit is much like the Body Bugg (which if you are a biggest loser fanatic like me... then you know that its a much needed indulgence). There is the armband which is:

Clinically proven to accurately track calories, steps, physical activity levels and sleep efficiency
Helps you set healthy weight loss goals – and reach them
Easy-to-use Online Activity Manager helps you monitor your progress over time
Optional Display gives you minute-to-minute updates

And then the other device:

Gives convenient access to your data
Can be worn as a watch, or clipped to your shirt, pants or bag

I've wanted the BodyBugg for quite a while (since I first saw it on Biggest Loser... yes yes... if they advertise it I want it... they got me!). As I've been reading through different blogs I have seen quite a few people that use the GoWear Fit and love it. So I'm in!

Well folks.. that's about it for now.... now I shall go read some more blogs..
Love Always,
Amberly

P.S. HOLLLLLLYYYYYY CRAP I did it! I signed up for the spring soccer league.... which after I signed up I noticed there first game is Feb 9th..... tonight.... but oh well.... all they can do is say no. Maybe they don't have enough people to play and need me.... oh please oh please.... I love soccer... let me be on the team..... I'll keep you posted!

I Caved.....

2010-02-08T01:32:00.003-05:00

I caved.... but I caved BIG TIME. One one side of the spectrum .. I was under my calorie allotment and in good shape.... on the other side... Peanut Butter is particularly in my eating regime right not. It isn't an everyday thing... (at least after today) But I am so glad that it was healthier than eating a huge thing of Edy's Ice Cream.. that still taunts me on the TV (How does it always know what shows I watch?). So after my last post.... I had yet another PBWWB (Peanut Butter on Whole Wheat Bread)... except I added Jelly.

On Saturday... I slept in and just vegged around for the day. My hubby and I went and got BWW (Buffalo Wild Wings) Again! I did pretty good... but I wasn't satisfied.... until later when I made myself another PBWWB with Jelly... I was under calories for the day but I didn't exercise at all... so I feel like I'm in good shape. And on a little side note... my glucose level started dropping! I really didn't know why it spiked.... and then it hit me saturday night..... my monthly came and sometimes that drives your glucose levels up. It had me freaking out though wondering what was going on. And... even with all this Jelly all of a sudden on the scene it hasn't affected my sugar levels.. .and I promise you that the Jelly isn't sugar free (I can't stand the stuff)
And with that side note I'm also a little bummed... because I'm showing a bit of a gain due to bloatedness. I'm happy though.. I'm happy my sugar level is coming back... and I'm happy that I am physically able to go beneath 222lbs.

So I got up this afternoon on Sunday. (Yes another sleep in day and it was just so good) I got up and around made myself a quick PBWWB and got a little piece of gouda cheese (I know the way I eat one would think I'm pregnant but I'm not lol) and I was out the door to go pick up my friend Amanda her daughter Kate and Amanda's boyfriend Aaron. We went over the the Magic Kingdom. It's pretty cool outside... in the 40's so we bundled up and walked all around the park. It was quite nice... but I stupidly forgot my pedometer. I know I busted out 10,000 steps today... we did a lot of walking. I also had a good cheeseburger.... I actually thought it was the best choice... with all the other choices available... but I was mistaken. I didn't do enough research on what options I had... so another lesson learned.... although again.. I'm not over my calories for the day. When we left there at 10pm... I was mad hungry but the only things open are fast food and I'm not too keen on at this stage in my life... so I decided to go home and make................................ grilled chicken, fresh green beans and a huge salad. And you thought I was gonna say PBWWB.. lol.... no lie I actually thought of it.

When I bought the loaf of break on friday, I thought it's so big I won't finish it and have to throw it out.... definitely not the case. It had 16 slices in it... I think there's only 6 left!

This week I've decided to exercise Mon - Fri and take Sat and Sun off. I think I enjoy it more that way. So Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I plan on doing 60 minutes or cardio and the 30 minute circuit. Then on Tuesday and Thursday my plan is to do 20 minutes of the other elliptical that kicked my butt, and then about 30 minutes of the spin bikes. Thursdays are a bit tricky so I may not to get to spend that much time at the gym. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Hope everyone one is having a nice and healthy weekend.. and starts off a great week!
Love Always,
Amberly

My weakness of the day

2010-02-06T00:47:00.003-05:00

Just checking in....
I'm still in a rut with the whole glucose thing :o( Exercise and Diet aren't helping it go down... so I'm gonna monitor it for a while longer and then possibly go to the doctor.
Friday... pretty good day.. I ate awesome until after my workout....
I went into the gym and started on the Elliptical... I had no time constraints so I thought I'd do an hour and then we'll see.... Well the first 25 minutes was a piece of cake... then I died getting to 30... then I pushed myself to 35... and then once I got to 40 I told myself that was enough. It wasn't a justification on my part, nor a 'giving in'.... It was a respect for my body. Today my legs turned to Jello.... (A small clarification from yesterday's post... I made the comment that 'I hurt.... but it's a good hurt' When I wrote that I was thinking of the song 'Hurts so good'... well it actuality I meant that I ache... but a good ache... It's one of those I know I did really awesome and I'm building muscle kinda aches.. I definitely don't wanna do too much too fast... And I want to avoid injury at all cost.) So back to 'my legs were Jello' seriously.. I thought all right body... I hear you. I'm going to take tomorrow off and possibly Sunday (if my plans aren't cancelled).

However... unofficially.... I'm on my next goal to 215!!!!! I reached 220 today ... unofficially speaking.

So I mention I was on target today until after I got out of the gym... Well I went to the grocery store hungry like a retard (I don't know why I was hungry I've been eating my norm) So I'm scouring the aisles looking for dried cherries (they are awesome on salads with my pomegrante homemade dressing) when low and behold.... there is peanut butter.... and a few steps more and there is the rich aroma of bread.... and right in front of me.... is the perfect beverage of choice to wash it all down... MILK.... oh dear.... I got them too.... I caved... I mean it was better than a candybar... or that Edy's Ice Cream that kept flashing in front of my face while I was on the elliptical.... so I came home and made myself a peanut butter and whole wheat bread (PBWWB) sandwich with milk.... then my hubby came home and brought food... I ate really good... and then I was out in the kitchen making myself another one of my PBWWB with some milk...

Now right now... I'm pretty full... but for some reason It's calling my name right now... And I can literally stuff one with no problem what so ever... I just keep reminding myself that I don't want to undo all the awesome work I've done this week. ARUGULA

Well I hope everyone is making wonderful healthy choices... hopefully I'm one of them!
Love Always,
Amberly

U Jellin' More like Jelly!

2010-02-05T00:14:00.004-05:00

Well today was another great day! Yesterday I squeezed in gym time because I figured that I wouldn't be able to make it today. Well... I did make it today... and let me tell you! I was rushing though... I walked in the gym at 5:45pm and hopped on the the first machine that was open... which happened to be this awesome machine that literally kicked my butt. It's called a Cybex Elliptical Trainer... but it's not like all the other ellipticals I'm use to. This one feels like I'm standing and doing knee ups (where you bring one knee up to your chest and back down then repeat with the other leg.. over and over again) I was dying. I made it to 20 minutes... however because of my time crunch I got off it then.... but don't worry... I'll master it another day! I also did the 30 minute circuit... minus all the step boxes. (I'm on a time crunch remember) Then I jumped in the car... got home, let the dogs out, showered, dressed, and was on the road to my Thursday night meeting.

I hadn't planned on squeezing in a workout but I had a bit of a freak out this morning. It actually started yesterday at my moms. We were talking about a woman she works with who has PCOS and a lot of the same problems that I have... however she's not diabetic (that she knows of.....yet). So we were discussing all this and this morning I woke up and decided I better check my glucose level to see where I was. (Actually.... I was doing it to be smug because I had been doing so great!) Well it read 154. For all those of you who do not know what that means.... It's not good. A person's sugar/glucose level should be between 60 - 100 (according to the guidelines during 2009). My doctor said (before the new 2009 guidelines) told me that when your glucose level is 150 or above the sugar begins dumping out in your urine. In other words... your blood is full of sugar and your body is trying to figure out how to get rid of it.

So I'm freaking out... On Monday I had some white pasta (the devil's food) and I had a little dessert.... but this is crazy... that was Monday and this was Thursday morning. I had been on target Tues and Wed and hardly had ANY sugar intake. PLUS I had spent 3 hours at the gym between both days... and each of those days was a solid hour of cardio... how could this be? PLUS the last meal I had eaten was at 7pm.. then I had gone to the gym... so I had about 17 hours without food... (I would call that fasting). How could this be?
I ate 3 eggs this morning... and checked it a few hours later... 148... at least it was on it's way down. For lunch I went to Sweet Tomatoes (Awesome Salad Bar) and I ate my normal... which also includes about a 1/2 cup of the non-fat frozen yogurt... I almost finished it when I remembered my sugar level was high... Sometimes I'm such a doofus.... which is why I felt I had to squeeze in the extra workout!

I have been feeling great though... I hurt... but it's a good hurt. Tonight as I was leaving the gym my legs felt like Jelly... seriously... I was like "okay just walk slow... make it look good... you don't wanna stumble out of the gym.... okay walk slower.... crap my knee just gave out.... does it look like I'm shaking from behind.... why the heck did I park so far away from the dang gym... who does that anyway.... make it look smooth... just make it look smooth" And like a doofus... I started to get into my SUV and stumbled on the step that comes out.... at least I stumbled in the car instead of falling backwards :o)

But I feel great.. I seriously kinda didn't wanna NOT go tonight... I even considered going back after my meeting but then some might classify me as a gym freak. I could try to reason and say it dedication... but somehow obsessed would be on everyone else's minds. I know there is gonna come a time where I have to drag myself kicking and screaming to the gym... but I'm not there yet. I just love this high I'm riding.... (at least it's legal). Now I also truly understand one of my favorite quotes from Legally Blond:

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't."

If my husband is reading this... rest assure hunny... as long as I'm at the gym you are safe. LOL.. (He's a great guy I promise... and I love him dearly)

One other thing I wanted to post is pictures..... of my closet! (I'm still working on my before pictures) What is the relevance of my closet pics besides the fact of how proud I am that they are so organized?

Well.... I can't fit into about 95% of it... (no lie)... The shirts.. I can make it work and I usually wear a light sweater over it... and that helps to cover the fact that my jeans are way too tight. (I really refuse to buy new bigger clothes).

And this picture below... is all the clothes that are size 14 and smaller. (Everything I have hanging in the closet is 16 or bigger) These are clothes that I have never worn. Well maybe an occasional shirt or something... but the last 3 times I got into the 190's I went on a shopping spree buying all this size 16 and size 14 stuff... only to put it away when I started to gain. SOOO... I am so very close to wearing a lot of this stuff. I'm really excited. When I hit 210 I'm gonna try on the things hanging in my closet and see what fits... I'm gonna do it again at 200.

I'm really excited about it! I can't wait... things are already starting to be lose. In fact I have these 2 pairs of Capri's one if like an army green and the other is a STRETCH 16... I can't wait to kiss them goodbye. Besides all the clothes I wear at home these 2 pairs of Capri's are the only pants I feel comfortable with out in public... and I rotate them everyday... I can't wait to get rid of them!

Anyways guys... it's been real... and it's been fun.... but it's also 1am... and I'm exhausted.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday!
Love Always,
Amberly

I gotta feelin.....

2010-02-03T23:09:00.004-05:00

that today's gonna be a good day!
And it was! I love that song by Black Eyed Peas... I think it's one of those songs that will never get old or over played for me...

Here we go, here we go.....

Okay Okay... you've probably got the song memorized too! So I had a stellar day. I had a great breakfast and a great Linner.. (Lunch and dinner). I got this soup from Carrabba's Tomato Basil ... and it is beautiful. It has about 230 calories per cup... (I had two) and then I had a grilled chicken ceasar without caesar dressing. I made my own homemade pomegrante infused one. It's pretty awesome too.

I had Linner at my mom's house so on my way home... I was like I'm going to the gym. (This is a good thing... normally it's like I want an ice cream sandwich) So I went in a did an hour on the elliptical machine. It was great another 625 calories... gone... whoo hoo... I love it. I did the same thing yesterday. Afterward I did a few machines and called it a night... and I was hurting... a good hurt. I usually go to the gym every other day.... and now I know why. I feel so empowered though. I was at 45 minutes and I was thinking... "Man I feel great!" Then I thought... "okay maybe it's time to stop"... then I was like "Whoa... if I like it so much why do I wanna stop?"
The last 15 min was a bite difficult... but I made it and I'm still alive!

Something I came to realize... is the value of exercise. It took me an hour to burn off 600 calories. While I was at the gym I was going through in my mind trying to figure out how many calories the soup I ate was (I know I know wrong time to be thinking about these things) But I started thinking about things that I like... let's take for instance that ice cream sandwich.. it's actually one of those Toll House Cookie Sandwichs Yum! It has 500 calories it it. I could woof one of those down in minutes... yet it would take me nearly an hour to work it off. Doesn't seem quite as worth it as it use to before when I was unaccountable for my actions. Not saying I will never have one again... but I know I won't be eating several in an entire week (or sitting). Every time I look at that Ice Cream Sandwich I'm going to be thinking..."That will be an hour in the gym" Interesting huh... I'm starting to value my hard work.... (this is one of my random topics going through my mind while I was trying not to watch the timer on the elliptical....)

OHHHHHH BTW Unofficially I lost weight! I finally broke 222! But this is all unofficial until I weigh in on Tuesday. I'm excited though!

I have decided to start really focusing on me more. Call me Selfish... but I need to spend more time with me, and doing things for me. So last night while watching Biggest Loser I did my nails. This started making me think of things in a different light... like what else do I do for me. I use this Peppermint & Rosemary Body Wash... that just makes me feel awesome. I am making time for myself to go to the gym. I'm also making time for myself to read. This weekend I think I may go and get a spa pedicure... it has been so long (and I feel really sorry for the lucky person who gets to touch my feet)... okay they aren't that bad.. but they have been pedicureless for a couple of months now. I'm still working on my rewards system.. for all the new readers who didn't read my blog last month about it... I didn't want to focus solely on numbers... i.e if I lose X number of pounds I get ________. This may work for a lot of people and I'm not knocking it... it just doesn't really work for me that well. While I'm sure that I'm gonna have a huge party when I hit the 199 mark... lol I'm still gonna focus on other things. For instance I'm thinking of setting up my schedule weekly of my planned workouts and for every week that passes by and I stay on target... I would like to treat myself... nothing huge or big... just something special. I'll get back to you more on that.

Right now.. I'm relaxing with my sleepy time tea and is awesome. I love this pampering thing...

I hope everyone's day was successful! More Tomorrow!
Love Always,
Amberly

Thanks Chrissy for the comment yesterday. I will definitely check that book out... as you know I love to read... Thanks for reading.. I hope that you find it inspiring.... Let me know if you have a blog.

Gyms are for people to workout!

2010-02-02T21:35:00.002-05:00

I have really been out of it! Let me see...
The weekend was so-so. I turned 26 on Saturday and went out to the beach with my dad. On sunday I went to my meeting and then hung out with my husband because it was his day off. So no gym time... I really felt bad yesterday (monday).... it's so hilarious... for the past week and a half I have been driving by the new gym everyday to see if it's open yet... seriously everyday... However I totally forget on the day of it's grand opening (Monday). I felt horrible yesterday and just came home from work and went to sleep. Today, as I was walking out the door I just happened to remember it and thought... grab my workout clothes.. Well (and here's why it's awesome to have a gym between work and home) I was driving home when I saw the gym and thought... oh yeah I'm suppose to go. And it was exactly what I needed. I was so peeved today and it just felt good to workout.
The gym is so interesting. I guess you could call me a people watcher.... but I felt like I was in high school all over again... We got the certain groups of guys hanging around the certain weights.... trying to impress the ladies... who aren't really there to work out.... they just dress up in really cute workout clothes.. and all get on some machines while they laugh and snicker at the guys at the weights.... They jump on and off different machines and don't even work up a sweat! Obviously they are at the gym for a different reason than me.... but could they please stay off the machines! The gym is inside a not so popular mall.... and it's actually a hang out place for the teenagers who don't have cars... Guess I just gotta put up with it. I'm still so happy that it's between home and work.
Another thing that came to mind... that really upset me. My husband likes to poke my stomach fat. It drives me crazy. Well on sunday we were at our meeting (Church synagogue.. whateva floats your boat) and he started poking me again. I really hate it. It's like attention is being drawn there... and well if it's not I guess it's like it doesn't exist?!?!?! Anyways we get home and we are ordering chinese food (yes I was good) and he starts telling me that he was thinking I should go back to the weight loss doctor. He told me that he was thinking about it during out meeting today. I am being too sensitive? I feel like I'm not getting the right support. He told me before that my size didn't use to bother him, but after I lost 35 pounds and gained it back.... it really bothers him now. So now... I'm ordering chinese food... and I don't wanna even eat around him. I feel like he's watching my every bite. He keeps asking how my weight loss is going... and I feel like a failure already... so this isn't helping. But, I just blew a gasket... I was like... 'What do you think about this stuff all the time?' I don't want him to look at me and think... man she needs to lose weight... I want him to look at me and love the woman he married. Am I being too sensitive here? Am I crazy? Arugula..
Well... good news... It's biggest loser night! I'm gonna go watch it right after I'm done here. I really love that show and wish I could go on it. I would win too.... if I wasn't voted off. I really am competitive and love to do things in groups. I printed out the application before to do it... but you had to be a family... (this was when they first introduced families) then it could be couples... and well no one wanted to try with me.. and now I'm at a place in life where I can't do it. Who would pay the bills? NBC?
Oh so I weighed in the morning... deadon the same thing. However on my sides where my ribs are I'm starting to get a little chiseled. I decided I would join in with everyone and do monthly totals... but since I did my measurements last week.. I'm going to wait until the end of Feb to do them.
I hope everyone is having a healthy day!
Love Always,
Amberly

Overly STUFFED

2010-01-29T23:24:00.003-05:00

Well... today was the first day that I hit all the calories I'm suppose to eat for the day. For today it is 1400. Let me tell you... I was truckin' along through my day and I was done... so I tallied up my calories to find I had only eaten 855. I was like wow... I can eat more! I need to eat more!
So now... my stomach hurts... I didn't go over.. and I ate all healthy foods.... I'm just sooooo full...
I need to work on getting this down right. I'm going to break down my calories so that I have a more balanced day. Truthfully... had I not been counting the calories... I wouldn't have eaten that last meal... I would have been done with 855. Which may be why I'm not losing weight.... I may not be eating enough for my body to let go... Man.... I fell like hiring someone to do this for me lol.... Personal Assistant wanted.... It's be great if she could also exercise for me...
Okay... okay.. I know. But it was just a thought.
Tomorrow I shall start again.

UPDATE:
So I can't get over this stuffed feeling... so I decided to exercise! I put on the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout... man... just the stretching had my heart rate up! Then I decided to test out the new 2010 Jillian Michael's Fitness Ultimatium... however I didn't have batteries for my balance board.. so I did what I could. I feel pretty good... still stuffed... and now really tired :o)
February starts on Monday! Can you believe Jan is already gone?

I think I'm gonna work in small goals now... I wanna get to 220... when I get there... I think I will aim for 215.... that way I'm only taking my goals a little at a time and soon I'll be under 200! I can't wait. Okay one step at a time.....

So guys.... My first goal... 220. Here I come :o)

Arugula!

2010-01-28T22:22:00.004-05:00

ARUGULA!

This is my word... like when I'm upset... or loss/void of words.... If you hit your thumb with a hammer.... some say S#*$.. I say Arugula.
Arugula... because all my stress just came at me at once. I'm so ticked off and I wanna eat... Good news is I don't want chocolate.... bad news.. I want some high carbolicious foods. Good news... I don't think I have any in my house. I don't know what to do to get over it. Talk about it?

What do you do to help you in moments of crisis, when all you wanna do is turn to food for comfort?

Acid-Reflux

2010-01-28T01:51:00.009-05:00

Please remind me that fried chicken and I don't mix. Please don't let me justify it. It's just not one of those foods that my body likes.... Lol. My husband had hot and spicy fried chicken wings and I thought I would have a couple. They were really good. I tend to stay away from fried chicken. In fact I don't think I've eaten it in 2 years! No lie. Normally I also can't stand how salty it tastes.... well I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. Alka Seltzer to the rescue... ughhh.

Thanks for the comments from my older posts. I don't think it was water gain.... I've been down on my heavy duty water drinking abilities.... I always weigh myself in the morning... every morning. Today I was down from yesterday so I'm going in the right direction.... I think I just need to do a few things to keep me on the right track. I also need to use the simple math. Calories in, calories out.

Okay so 'project 10,000 steps a day' is in effect. I'm working on getting it up there.
Tuesday I had 4,565
Wednesday I had 6,214
Now this was just from my normal day to day walking. I didn't do anything extra special to get those steps. I think I'm going to try to take a 30 minute walk around the neighborhood and that probably should have me hitting my 10,000 daily.

Ohh... I have some good news. Since I didn't have a weight loss for the week, I decided to measure my stomach and I have already lost 1 1/2 inches. Not bad huh. At least I have a little celebration there, and also the fact that I've stuck to my healthy eating plan. (Minus the fried chicken.. lol... but I don't ever wanna say any food is off limit... I just wanna make the healthiest choice).

So I've been looking for some pics. I have some 'fat pics' that I took but I'm not sure if I want to really gross ya'll out lol. So I was just searching on my computer and found some 'fat pics' I took in 2002.... and I thought 'Damn, I wish I was that fat....' lol I looked good. I had just graduated and was very athletic... so I must of weighed like 190 tops... :o( I'll get back there... and then go lower. Anyways.. I've found some pics... but they were from years ago. I've lost weight and gained it back since then.

This was in 2006 in Boston.. I weighed 240.

I like this pic of me. But this is my normal attire. I always wear a light sweater over my shirt because I'm hiding my poochy stomach.

This was October 2007. I stuffed myself in those jeans for my engagement shoot.

January 2009 - I was a size 20 bride. Although... the dress did look very nice on me... But they have a way of making any bride feel beautiful in whatever size.

May 2008 - I was hiding a tub of lard lol. I wore black because I thought I could hide it better.

So there is a few pics of me... to let you see a little bit of what I'm dealing with here.
I'll check in tomorrow
Love Always,
Amberly

:o(

2010-01-26T12:09:00.002-05:00

I gained 1.3 lbs.... I'd like to believe it's all muscle...
So I am now 223.3.... ughhhh....
Well I am going to start on counting my calories for today. I have 1550. I am going to vary them out as soon as I figure out what day I'd like to eat more and so on. This will help my metabolism from getting use to the same number of calories per day, in which it will help me from plateauing.

Thanks for the comments on my 2 posts last night. I've been looking into a website that I can easily track my foods. I'm going to check out the ones mentioned. Anyone else have any others to try? Anyone know of any iPhone friendly ones? I'll check back in later.
~Amberly

Figuring out the numbers....

2010-01-26T01:47:00.003-05:00

Well... it turns out that I can't sleep. So I started thinking more about counting my calories... and what I need to do. I've been reading the Blog Body by Pizza and it has given me so much insight. I looked back on how she calculated her information.... here's how
I started reading and she used Jillian Michael's book Winning by Losing.... so I pulled it out too... and here's what I came up with.

First I figured out my basal metabolic rate (BMR) which is basically the number of calories your body burns just by being alive.... breathing, digesting, your heartbeat.... etc. So here's the formula:

Female:
655 + (4.3 x weight in lbs) + (4.7 x height in inches) – (4.7 x ages in years) = BMR

Male BMR equation:

66 + (6.3 x body weight in lbs) + (12.9 x height in inches) – (6.8 x age in years) = BMR

My BMR is 1792.9

Next came figuring in my ‘daily activity level’ score using five options:

Sedentary Physical Activity Level (desk job, other work that entails sitting down for most of the day). If yes, your score is 1.1

Light Physical Activity Level (on feet/walking around for 1/2 the day or more, e.g. stay at home mothers, salespeople, doctors). If yes, your score is 1.2

Moderate Physical Activity Level (on the move all day with a few limited periods of being sedentary, e.g. gardeners, carpenters, mail carriers). If yes, your score is 1.3.

High Physical Activity Level (constantly on the move with significant amounts of physical labor, e.g. construction worker, farm workers, movers). If yes, your score is 1.4

I scored a 1.2.

In addition to my BMR and ‘daily activity level’, I lastly had to figure in my exercise expenditure using a chart on the next page. Now... I'm not sure what my daily expenditure is yet. I'm pretty sure that they two days I've gone to the gym I've definitely burned at least 400 (which is also what Rachel did). In Jillian's book it says not to go by what the machines say because they don't use accurate info.... and what you need is a heart rate monitor. All the machines I use have a heart rate monitor... and they have to have your input like your height and weight... so until I do get a heart rate monitor.... the machines it is... (Unless Jillian wants to come and coach me :o)

Here's the math:

BMR x Daily Activity + Exercise Expenditure = AMR (Active Metabolic Rate)

BMR (1,793) x Daily Activity Level (1.2) + Exercise Expenditure (400) = 2550.4

My AMR is 2550

Okay so a pound of fat is 3,500 calories. And to lose 2 lbs per week... that would be 7,000 calories.

2,550 calories (daily AMR) x 7 days = 17,850 calories per week.

My goal is to lose two pounds a week, thus, I will need to create a 7,000 calorie deficit per week.

17,850 calories (weekly AMR) – 7,000 calories (equivalent to 2 lbs) = 10,850 calories per week.

Now I can divide my weekly calories (10,850) by 7 (days of the week) and my daily caloric allowance is 1,550 calories per day.

I'm going to finish reading up this book... well start :o) Book project #6 I think.... (I need a rainy day to finish some of my books) that way I can understand how to divy up my calories like Rachel did. She saves the most calories for her weekends which I think is a wonderful idea.

Okay now I'd better go to sleep I have to go to the gym in 6 hours.... Ughh.. I need some sleep.

At my wits end...

2010-01-26T00:29:00.004-05:00

Hello all! I hope everyone is doing really well.. and if you aren't... I'm with ya... I'm just a bit frustrated. Seems things are just not going right. I've been eating great. Over the last 4 days I haven't had any processed food. (Besides some frozen yogurt). I decided I'd like to get away from processed things and work on not polluting my body. I'm also going more organic... hence the 'not polluting myself thing'. Yesterday I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill (a very fast walk at 3.9mph) for about 15 minutes, then did 30 min on the elliptical... (after 15 I was rationalizing getting off about every 30 sec.) Usually when I get on the elliptical I can go for an hour easy... but putting the walking in first.. killed me. Which brings me to another thing. I have a serious fear of running on the treadmill. The reason I was at 3.9mph was because I planned to slowly start jogging... but I couldn't easy get the courage to do it. It's weird.... and I'm sure the moment I do it... I'll love it. Tomorrow may be my chance.. I'm going to the gym with my friend who likes jogging on the treadmill. Anyways, I then ended my workout with a 30 minutes circuit and a few thigh machines..
Now that I'm in the swing of things, I need to start making goals.. That way I can use my time at the gym wisely and get the most out of it.

So why am I frustrated if my eating is going well, and I'm working out.... My numbers have not budged since I last weighed in. I weighed in at 222 I think it was Jan 12th. I plan on weighing in every Tuesday (stay tuned for tomorrow) but last week I was on a trip so I thought I would make this week a head banging week and show a bigger loss. Not gonna happen.. in fact I may even show a gain. I'm not understanding. I'm working out now... I've been eating great... why isn't my body responding??? I think I may need to start counting every single calorie that goes into my mouth. I've been following a few bloggers who do that.... and I can't just keep ballparking my calories. So that's one thing I can work on to start getting results.

So far I've been working out every other day. I'm working up to going 5 to 6 days a week. Tomorrow I'm going to the gym in the morning with my friend.. and then after work we are going skating.... I love skating and hey it's exercise.

Well I will be checking in tomorrow with my results.
Love Always,
Amberly

Oh yeah.. I forgot... I thing I came across a blog called 12 Million Steps. It has really motivated me.... I wanna join in. This guy (Jared) has logged over 6.4 million steps so far. So I pulled out and dusted off my pedometers .... only to find out none of the 4 I have work... So I took one of them to get a new battery and it was hilarious. I put it on at Target, and I was walking around the whole story counting my steps out loud.... and then I'd check them with what my reading said. I finally got it working. I was putting it under my stomach over my knee as the directions said... but whenever I do that... I've walk like 100 steps... and it said I walked 250.... So I put it on my hip side... and got a nearly correct count... I counted 19 it said 21.... not bad. I'm gonna wear it tomorrow and I'm gonna start reporting my step count.

Gym Day 1

2010-01-22T21:51:00.002-05:00

Well today was pretty successful for me! I got up (a little late) and went to the gym with my friend Amanda. I think her and I may be going to the gym together a lot more often. We have the same time slot in our schedule's to work with, however she has 10lbs to lose and I have 72 more to go... We shall see how it turns out. I was really excited with myself though.
I did the elliptical for about 15 min... I usually go about an hour but I was catering to the needs of her. Then we did a few machines that worked inner and outer thighs... then we did a 30 minute circuit. I really enjoyed the circuit. I was constantly moving and it felt great. As we were leaving we did the roman chair thing... I love that thing.. I feel it working.
I am going to the gym in the morning again. I think I will do Monday - Saturday with Sunday being my rest day.

Other than that ... fairly awesome day. However I am running on 5 hours of sleep. So I'm gonna go hit the sack and get about 10 hours to try to recover from the 5.. lol

Hope everyone is doing well.
Love Always,
Amberly

Quick update

2010-01-21T22:17:00.002-05:00

Howdy partners... Hope everyone has had a successful day. I have... though it was filled with a little more stress than I can normally handle. I went to a buffet for lunch today, and I did awesome. I usually do... I go with a game plan and stick to it. Every now and then I slip up and have something but I'm usually good with them.... I have overcome that fear.

Yesterday I was reading MissHaneefa's blog and she had a quote:

"Never trade in what you want the most, for what you want at the moment"

This had a profound effect on me. Today while I at this buffet I thought about eating something and then this quote popped in my head. I think it has become my new motto. I started thinking in terms today as... 'If I eat this... I won't meet my goals'. The thing I want most is to be healthy. I want to not have to worry about becoming sick or having any kind of complications related to my weight. I really wouldn't trade my health for something like a piece of cheesecake that I will only enjoy the taste... and then feel like a failure. (Quick Note: I don't like the idea of saying I will never eat this... or eliminating any food groups entirely, but I know that if I tell myself.... 'it's okay to eat a piece of cheesecake because my diet allows it' then I know that I have just opened the flood gates if you will. I'm working on willpower.)

Well tomorrow I am getting up and going to the gym with my friend Amanda. We joined a gym together years ago and use to go workout. I found out this week that she belongs to the same gym I do. I'm working on getting a few people that I can rely on to be my gym buddies so they can kick my butt if I decide to become flaky.

More tomorrow, Love Always.... Amberly

Another Award!?!?!?!? Why thank you!

2010-01-21T01:25:00.003-05:00

Awesome I got another award. I'm psyched. I'm glad that there are others out there who enjoy reading my blog. I hope it inspires you and keeps you going on your track!

Thanks Kaitlin of Everyday Grace

So the rules are I have to share 7 things about myself and then pass it on to seven of my fellow bloggers. Here goes!

1. The true real me that is under all these layers (ogre's have layers your know) of fat... and emotional layers of insecurity is just a big goof ball. I love to kick back and have fun. I'm not shy... but I do know that I'm different when the weight comes off... I feel free. When I'm packing the pounds I am just really serious.

2. I love finances.... I hate money though..... how does that work? Well I don't really know I'm just funky like that. I like to make sure that I'm in control of my money and not the opposite way around. I would truly hate being an accountant though. I think of it more as a life changing/altering thing... than a boring number crunching thing. Oh by the way... I'm kinda (unofficially) dyslexic too.

3. I am a people pleaser. I've learned this about myself in the past few years so I've been learning how to focus on me and not pleasing others. I truly feel that I am this way because of my weight. I try to please people because way deep down I feel like they won't like me otherwise. And unfortunately this lovely characteristic has come around to really hurt me. I've thought I have had really great friends in the past when I really learn that they are just there because I give and give and give..... but they give nothing back. I'm very grateful that I have realized this and am taking actions to protect me.

4. I'm a procrastinator... I put thing off.... infact I'll finish this tomorrow.
Just kidding. I think I put things off because of some sort of fear of doing the actual thing... then once I do force myself to do it, I think 'Geeze Louise... that was so simple I wish I would've done it sooner'

5. My newest passion in life (besides the whole 'deciding the fate of my life' yesterday) is cooking. I really love to cook. While growing up I could bake... I could make a few good things. I've always been afraid of spices.... not to eat them but to use them. I hate the idea of wasting a whole dish because it has way too much ______ (fill in the blank). However I met my husband about 3 years ago and he loves to cook. He throws things into a pot.. and voila... (not the frozen bag stuff) he makes some awesome dishes. Watching my diet though... I have to watch him because he cooks with tons of sugar, and butter, and BBQ sauce.... He can turn a 150 calorie chicken breast into 500 EASY.

6. I'm addicted to Farmville on Facebook. I admitted it.... that's the first step right? The game is so cute... and I love it. It has actually made me start planning out my own 'organic' garden in the back. I love planting and watching things grow. And if I spend half the time out in my real garden than I do on my virtual farm.... lol... than I would had a whole lotta food that I couldn't eat in a year. I like the idea though... I would love to eat foods from my own garden instead of buying it at the store... and I'm reading Jillian Michael's new book and another book called Gorgeously Green which both speak about the toxins in foods that are messing with the endocrine (hormonal) system. So I'm thinking of working on getting the pesticides outta my life.

7. I have an insane fear of grates in the parking lots... You know the sewer grates that you could accidentally drop your keys into... I can't walk over them... Is it because I'm overweight and somehow think I will fall in... In reality if my car (huge SUV) can drive over those suckers without budging.... than I think it can hold me.... I am at least 4,775 lbs lighter than my car...

So update on what's up with me. I'm great :o)
I got breakfast in.... (gold star)
Took a meal with me for work (gold star)
And then I got take out from carrabba's ... They have awesome fire grilled chicken!
I always get the grilled chicken ceasar salad. This time I tried some of their lentil soup... I really liked it... and I can add lentils on to my list of new foods I love that I once refused to eat.
Now that I'm thinking about it... I did not drink enough water today. Working on that tomorrow.

Last but not least: I decided to post my stats and some photos... that way all you all can see what I gots to work with ... Here are the stats and the photos will come a little later.

January 20, 2010
Weight 222
Waist 47
Abs 43
Hips 47
Chest 49
Below Chest 43
R Thigh 27
L Thigh 27
R Arm 15 1/2
L Arm 15
R Calf 17 1/2
L Calf 17 1/2
Neck 17

What I'm saddened about is.... when I was at my heaviest... my body measurements weren't this big... I've always carried my weight nicely. I've always been strong and athletic.... now I'm turning into a pool of fat :o( Don't worry it's all gonna change...

Hope everyone is having a great day!
Love Always,
Amberly

Did you forget about me???

2010-01-20T01:06:00.004-05:00

This is given to me by Phil from So You Say You Want a Resolution Thanks!

The instructions that come along with this award are as follows:

1. Copy the image and display it on your blog.
2. List 10 things that make you happy.
3. Try to do at least one of them today.
4. Pass on the award to 10 bloggers who brighten your day.

Ten things that make me happy…..

1. Losing Weight
2. Nice Gestures from everyone
3. Meeting and succeeding my goals
4. The clean refreshing feeling after something has been cleaned/organized
5. Fitting into a smaller size
6. Brightening up someone else's day
7. Knowing that I can depend on myself
8. Giving
9. Laughing with someone
10. Taking a relaxing vacation

Did you forget about me???
Hahaha.... I hope not! Well things are going pretty dang well!! I got a little off track... but all is good. Last week (the day after my last blog entry I SWEAR) I flew to my hometown and spend a couple days up there, then my father and I drove back down to Florida... fun stuff let me tell you. I did enjoy spending time with him, however 18 hours in a car.... not really my cup of tea. So I got back on Sunday and was exhausted because we drove straight through. Yesterday I didn't get home until really late, I went car shopping. So I apologize for not being here... but rest assure I AM FAR FROM QUITTING!!!

So I told you that I went to Bahamas Breeze for my anniversary... and I had to have some onion rings. Well... this is the honesty circle and well I honestly ate every single one of them :o( I felt good though.. I felt that I didn't do so bad. I was discussing this with my mom when she encouraged me to go online and look up the nutritional values... so I did and I tallied all the things I ate up, and then the onion rings. I was shocked! I couldn't believe it! I was just recently reading a book that encouraged this kind of research if you really want to take charge of your diet. I already knew this... I knew that restaurants had much higher calorie foods (and very fattening) than it would be if you made them at home... But I was shocked and let down all at the same time. It turns out that I ate a 3000 calorie meal. (I'll close my ears while you gasp) I did great... but the onion rings were 2000 calories all by there little selves, and the two awesome sauces that go along with them... 500 combined. Had I not given in and had them I would have had a 500 calorie meal.

I will admit I was upset with myself. It made me feel like my efforts were all for nothing. How could I ruin it that much for myself. Alas... I have decided to really learn from this experience. I learn something about myself. On day 1 of my blog I posted about being accountable to myself and not letting myself get away with things... well this is my way of doing it. Not my intention, but the I again it is. I'm reading this other book (Okay I have about 5 books I am currently reading right now... don't try this at home) about personal finance and it speaks about non-decisions. When your excuses are "how was I suppose to know that" or "nobody ever told me" or "I didn't know I was doing anything wrong" etc... this is when instead of taking responsibility for our ignorance we shift the blame. Like you don't know how to refinance your mortgage.... so you don't or when you don't know how to properly exercise... so you don't. I commonly do this to myself.... I don't know how... so I won't and then when something happens... how was I suppose to know, no one ever told me. This incident at dinner is a perfect example. I have an iPhone.... I could have easily had the information in a matter of seconds... (I really didn't think about it at all at the moment, but I promise I'll be more aware next time)... yet I decided to go ahead and eat them because it's my anniversary and I'm doing so good and blah blah blah.... I chose to eat them.. and when I did find out just how smart my idea was, my first thought was to think.... but I didn't know... I thought.... then I just stopped myself. If I don't take control... who is? Besides it's not like I can tell me body.... "Hey I really didn't know so if we could let this one slide next time I promise I won't do this...."

Other news... I had my 'Aha moment'!!! You know how they say to do what you love... and sometimes what you love is just under your nose.... well I feel completely inspired. I know what I want to do as my next career move. I want to change peoples lives! Okay that may be a little to broad. I want to help people take control of their lives through weight loss. I've thought about becoming a trainer before... but today it just clicked. I have been watching the biggest loser since Day 1... it is one of my most favorite shows. Last week I was talking with my relatives about opening up a weight loss/ healthy lifestyles place... that was more than a gym. Dr. Oz gave me part of the idea... and then biggest loser helped fill in some holes... So I was thinking about this on my 18 hour drive home... and then I began reading (I know I know.... but I love to read man) Jillian Michaels new book 'Mastering your metabolism' and she wrote about how she first got started. I just feel so passionate about it! (BTW... Jillian if you are reading this... I don't wanna be your competition lol) Well... so then today I looked in on the gym that I can't wait to be opened and finished and they had equipment in there... but no one was inside... they had an office for recruiting new members so I decided to pop in and see when they are open. As I was walking in I got this idea to ask if they had filled all their positions. A little more info, I've been looking for another job to do along with my part-time job. I would like to work from like 6am - 12 or 1pm and then I can go do my other little job for a few hours and then home. After talking to the guy I found out that they already filled all the positions about 2 weeks ago... But the guy told me that in the first couple months they usually have some who decide that this really wasn't what they wanted so I should keep trying back. I told him that I was looking for the early morning shift.. and he told me that it's a hard shift to get into, but the guy that currently has it has to keep it for 6 months and then he will become the manager... so there potentially is going to be a job opening. I'm so excited... It's not even funny. I see this as a baby step to get to where I want to be.
Everything just kinda fits together in my mind. I love psychology... and started my degree pursuing it then switched to business. So I would love to finish with business, minor with psychology.. and then also become a certified trainer. (I have no idea how to do that yet...)

So first off.... I am my own project. My first success story! That means I need to keep sticking to my goals. I'm right no track heading in the right direction. Man... I just feel like for once in my life ... it just all makes sense...

Quick diet update... today I finally got back on track with my schedule. I missed breakfast... I know I know... and ate an early lunch. I went grocery shopping and had a wonderful dinner. I got a George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Fat Reducing Machine (something like that) and I busted that baby out and grilled some chicken. I made mushrooms and fresh green beans. I love green beans.... but now I totally love fresh ones. I thought I wouldn't like them because of some fear I had while growing up of vegetables... (apparently a lot of kids have it) but in the past couple of years I have been more adventurous. I always hated tomatoes.... now I love them... I was never an onion eater.... now I love them.... and bell peppers forget it.... NOW I love sauteing them with a lil EVOO and eating them with Kielbasa YUM... sorry I like food.... anyways I've been adventurous and I love fresh green beans...

More tomorrow.. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!
Love Always,
Amberly

Insulin-Resistant

2010-01-11T23:54:00.003-05:00

Today was an awesome day! Yesterday was pretty groovy too.
Yesterday was my 1 year anniversary! So to celebrate my husband and I went out to Bahama Breeze. It's this great upscale restaurant with a Caribbean flare. I did pretty good. I had to have some of their onion rings though... they are awesome.

Today I did pretty good although I still need to eat 2 more servings of protein. Today I also went and played soccer for an hour and a half.. in the cold (it's 35* here) I had a good time... and for not playing soccer in 6 months... I did really good. I was thinking of joining a team next fall, when I get more in shape... I think I might just submit my application now and see if I could swing onto a team for the spring. I miss the sport, and I love when you exercise without thinking about it.

I just went into the kitchen and I got a few small squares of a dark chocolate and orange candy bar I have. It's really good. I store it in the door on the top shelf where you would normally put your butter or eggs... What's on my top shelf? Besides the (almost gone) chocolate bar I have about 6 bottles of insulin. Funny isn't it... If you eat to much of one.. you have to start taking the other.

I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in 2005. Once I learned what Diabetes was.... then I really starting learning more about it and how to handle it. I thought I had a handle on it. Then in August of 2008 I went to the ER for extreme abdominal pain thinking that I'm just really bloated with gas that I can't get rid of... when in fact it was far worse. My blood sugar level was 340 and the doctors told me I was in DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis). So they worked to lower my blood sugar level and then they looked more into my abdominal pain. It turns out that I had pancreatitis. My pancreas was inflamed (we still don't know why it got that way) and stopped producing insulin which made my sugar go out of control. I thought I was pretty good at controling my sugar... however I really wasn't. Before that episode I had already lost weight 2 while being diabetic. You may be thinking.... that's great... but it wasn't... I was not watching my sugar at all and it was too high.... but I thought I was okay, and the sugar was dumping out of my blood stream into my urine. My body couldn't use the sugar because my body rejected the insulin it was making. This happens when you are overweight... and to put it simply.. the fat clogs the receptors for the cells that turn sugar/carbs into energy for you to use. So I had all this insulin running around... and all this sugar.... with no purpose.... and my body needed energy... so it took it from my fat storage... So I lost some massive weight in a matter of 2 months I was down about 60 pounds, no lie. I truly was telling myself that I was doing good... and blah blah blah. So this happened twice... in 2006 and 2007. Then in 2008 my body was like heck no.... While this may seem like a great way to lose weight... here's the problem.... when a huge amount of sugar runs through your blood stream .. actually it can't run, because it just thickens up... and there isn't any insulin to convert it to energy... it becomes, as my Dr. describes it.... 'like finger nail polish ruining through your blood veins' it when basically destroy all the major organs. I went to the hospital on a thursday... had I waited any longer (which I couldn't the pain was too much) I wouldn't be here today.

So wow... I was discharged from the hospital after a luxurious 6 Day 5 Night stay (and 4 of those night were spent in the ICU) and determined to change. I immediately changed my diet... and started eating healthier. I didn't lose the weight though. About 5 months later I was being rushed into the ER again... same problem... except this time my cholesterol was through the roof. I felt like such a failure. I had kept my sugar in control. But my eating habits... they just weren't doing it anymore. I needed change... complete re-vamp. I was released 3 days before I was to be married.... and it's a good thing... cuz trying canceling/postponing a wedding.... I don't wanna even know how much fun that woulda been.

I don't ever want to take any kind of medication again! I just can't fathom the thought of it anymore. I feel like someone who takes different meds for their cholesterol yet they don't change their diet. Like an oxymoron. I don't want to take the meds. Last April/May I met with a weight loss doctor who was a primary care physician... but decided to close down that practice, and help people with their weight. He closely monitored me weekly and put me on a special diet based on the Zone diet.... but it's kinda like an accelerated version. I did awesome on it before and I was half-way to my goal size (150) when I had some kind of emotional break down and I became depressed and just didn't care anymore. I wish I woulda just kept eating healthy.. but I didn't.

I know that I can do this the right way, I've done it before. I need to get healthy.... I'm afraid that my pancreas may shut down forever if I'm not careful... and then I will be on insulin for the rest of my life.

So tonight I saw the insulin bottles and it brought me back to all these memories. Why I still have them, I'm not sure. I can't use them.... all are out of date. I don't want to keep the memory of how I never took real care of myself.... I think for now though I need the memory to keep pushing forward. I need to see that I am my number 1 priority. If I don't take care of myself... who will?

Just Random thoughts... I hope things are going well with everyone. I wish you the best, remember to take care of you :o)

Love Always,
Amberly

It's snowing in Florida!

2010-01-09T18:56:00.002-05:00

Today was a pretty great day! Nothing out of the ordinary (except snow in Florida) but I've just had a great attitude today. Maybe the last three days have cleansed my body of all the junk that was in it before. I don't know, but I feel great!
Today I've done exceptionally well with my eating also. I had:
Breakfast (gold star) 3 eggs and a grapefruit.
I packed along snacks and bottled water (gold star) apple, and a cheese stick.
I came home and had 4 oz. of kielbasa with Red, Yellow, and Orange bell peppers.

I'm thawing out chicken for dinner and having broccoli and green beans too. Yum!

This attitude adjustment is great! I'm loving it!
So other news... I decided to go to the gym today. There are 2 gyms near me (about 5 miles distance) however I have to go the opposite directions from my normal routes... so when I wanna go to the gym it's an extra trip. Now I promise I didn't pray about it... but all of a sudden one miraculously opens up between my house and work. Now I really have no excuse what so ever. So I geared up and brought work out clothes.... the only thing is the gym isn't open yet :o( It's still being painted and there is no equipment in there. A for effort?

While I was eating my breakfast I was watching the Dr. OZ show, and he had on an overweight mother with her overweight daughter to help them get on a healthy eating diet so they can loose some poundage... well Dr. Oz has a team of experts that help him and one of them, Principle Al said something that struck a chord with me... or gave me an 'aha moment' (whatever floats your boat). He said:

"A vision without a plan is a Hallucination."

Kinda like the ever popular 'If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.' But I started thinking about this quote... Normally I just throw myself out there and say this is what I weigh, this is what I want to lose, and this is my diet. But this time it's different. I feel the difference... I feel like I'm back in my weight loss mode that I was in last April/May when I lost 35lbs, but it's different... it's like 'I GET IT' this time around. So I'm making a better plan.

I've got my vision... I truly wanna be healthy. That's my goal... there is no number attached to this. I've set 150 as my goal to get to... but I don't know. I've been pretty overweight since I was a kid. I remember when I was 10 and I hit 200lbs...(then didn't eat for like a week cuz I was afraid my parents would find out) In High School I ranged about 180 because I played sports like crazy (soccer, volleyball, and track) but once summer break hit.. I would be up to 220. I ate anything I wanted because I worked out, and in the summer time..I obviously didn't. Once I graduated there was no more sports. Therefore I jumped up to 234 and stuck out around there for a while. My max weight I ever reached was 254. So I'm not sure how I will look at 150. My Dr. says that according to my height and their charts I could weigh 110..... yeah if I wanted to die. So I'm thinking get to 150 and reassess everything. I may think I need to lose more, I may think I'm just fine. I have no idea. I see the end goal in mind... but I'm really all about the journey. I want this to be a wonderful experience. I know hard at times, and I've already been there so I already know. But I ultimately want to grow through this process and take in as much as I can to truly benefit me. I don't want a lose weight quick scheme... I want a way of life.

So there's my vision. My plan.... I thought about this. I know many things work for many people... I've tried to say I'm going to lose X amount of pounds by this certain date... but that always fails me. I always become discouraged and in the past if I felt like I wasn't going to hit my goal I just gave up. I don't want this to be about numbers in that sense anyway. In fact... I made a goal in Dec. that I was gonna be under 200 lbs by my anniversary (tomorrow).... hahaha... I jumped ship on that one. So my plan is to take each day as a new fresh start. To continue keeping up with things I'm already doing (i.e. exercise, water intake.. etc.) and then add a healthy habit each week from 'Habit-A-Week' Challenge that Lyn does at http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com

And here is a direct link to the Habit-A-Week Challenge page that she started in Sept 2008.
http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/2008/09/lyns-habit-week-challenge.html

I also am going to work on coming up with a rewards system. When I lose so much then I am rewarded. I need some time to think about it first. I want to find meaningful things. For instance I said last year when I was under 200lbs I would get guitar lessons. I made it under 200, but returned there 3 weeks later and felt I didn't deserve the reward. I know that I want ice skating lessons. And one goal of mine is to join the Orlando Soccer Club/League whatever it's called in the Fall. So I will get back to you on my rewards.... and I figure I need to write out a series of goals that I would love to accomplish on the way.

So what's your vision? What's your plan on how to get there? Are you hallucinating? Are you just throwing out words or things you want, and just figuring that they will just become without you lifting a finger? Food for thought... what is it that you REALLY want?

Thank you so much for coming along with me on this journey. I cherish all those who read my blog and post comments. I cherish reading your blogs as well. They give me so much strength. I feel accountable. Thank you!

Love Always,
Amberly

Pretty good day

2010-01-08T22:50:00.002-05:00

Well today was a pretty good day. I got to spend time with a good friend that I haven't seen in quite a few years... (Hi Jules)

Today I ate:
4 oz Tilapia with Broccoli and Waldorf salad
For Dinner I went to the Olive Garden with my friend and had Zuppa Toscana and Salad.

I've done great! I still have the headaches but they are starting to subside. The only thing that I didn't do so well is planning. I know that this is crucial. I walked out the door today without any breakfast. I know I know... breakfast is the most important... it starts of the day... I agree with this all... but I have issues with planning. Before when I lost weight.. it happened with planning. I took a lunch box with me and had handy snacks such as apples, and string cheese... and of course water! This helped because of my hectic schedule I never know when I'm coming or going... So I'm going back to that. As far as my liquids go.. I just tallied it up and I'm almost to 100 ounces! I'm just gonna make myself some caffeine free hot tea and I'll probably be at 120 for the day. Yeah.... I get a gold star!

Yesterday I ate well also... except I had a weak moment. I got up around 2am very hungry... I ate a palm full of chocolate covered cranberries (bad amber) and 6 croutons (bad amber) and then I ate a grapefruit...

I stepped on the scale today just to check and make sure I'm heading in the right direction... I am :o) but I can't tell you until Tuesday officially. I weigh in with the biggest loser. I'm feeling good and I'm really motivated. I'm so glad that I can come here every night and read about everyones day, how they are doing... their struggles, and their accomplishments. This is all amazing to me. Keep up the good work everyone! More tomorrow
Love Always,
Amberly

Disappointment

2010-01-07T21:32:00.002-05:00

Don't let the title of this post confuse you. I had an awesome day with my diet and staying on target. Usually when I first begin being strict, I get a headache. Probably my body saying....'What the heck... where did the carbs go?' 'What do you mean I can only have natural sugar?' So I always start a diet with a headache. It's not gonna kill me, I just decided to go to bed earlier and get some rest.
Disappointments... we all have them. Sometimes we have expectations that aren't met. It happens. I have major issues in this area. I can't understand why I can't find a friend to be as good a friend to me as I am to them. I'm always disappointed. I feel like I'm always giving, and not getting enough in return. Am I setting myself up for expecting too much? Normally disappointments make me feel very sad, lonely and depressed... and I will always find myself eating something. Today was different, whether it was because I was 'aware' the I'm sticking with my healthy eating plan or maybe I hit an all time low I'm not quite sure. I feel like I keep looking to rely on something or someone that can be my strength and then I find that I'm not even on their top list of priorities. Am I doing something wrong?
I know there are some deeper underlying issues here, a few that even relate to my relationship with my father. Ultimately... it's a lack of self-love. I know it, I admit it.... I just don't know how to change it. I keep falling back into the same pattern. I go above and beyond for people..... and get nothing back. I don't think that I do things for people just to get something in return... but sometimes I wonder.
I do things for me... not enough... But it makes me so much happier to be there for someone else... to help them out in someway. For someone to appreciate me. I think that's it. Appreciation. In fact it's acknowledgment. Attention?
Tonight my husband and I were on our way home and I mentioned something about our upcoming anniversary. It's our first one. I got really sad because I already feel that it's not going to be special. I began thinking... Why do I set myself up for this? Why do I have expectations? Don't I deserve to be treated special? I got on the computer and the first thing I thought of was 'man.... I wish I had those Reese's Peanut Butter Cups'.......... Literally out of no where I thought this. I'm not craving it. I'm not hungry... I'm rather full. Had I had any in the house they would have been demolished. It popped in my mind and it would not rest until it was satisfied, even though it wasn't out of hunger... it's out of emotion. Those are my thoughts for the day.

Now on a different note:
I started a temporary food log. I didn't have time to make one tonight so I began writing it done and I'll transfer it later. I ate very god today, not enough food though I still have another meal to eat but it's nearly 10pm and I'm just tired and in bed. I went for a short walk in the cold. I've almost drowned myself in all the water I need for the day. I'm proud of myself today. I can rely on myself.
More Tomorrow
Love Always,
Amberly

Re - Focusing

2010-01-06T23:30:00.000-05:00

I decided to title this post 're - focusing' because I have been on this weight loss journey for sometime now... This isn't a beginning... and no where near an ending. I've been trying to lose weight for quite sometime now. Being honest though.... It wasn't until last April that I got the 'big' picture and started doing something about it. I was on a roll... on fire... nothing could stop me..... except brownies.... for some reason I couldn't break free from that one addiction. When all else let me down...... I turned to... my support system? Nope... my wonderful good habits that I had created? nuh - uh ..... the fact that I could depend and rely on my strong motivation to get through anything..... heck no....
I started back-sliding. The truth is I had been doing it while I was dieting. I hadn't learned my lesson. I was still rewarding my accomplishments with food. And when there was no one else.... there was food. I slowly started gaining the weight back... and now I've gained all that I lost.... plus a few. I've been trying to analyize all this... process it... trying to to look for answers. First I thought.... hey I turn to food as a reward... something goes well... let's celebrate! then I began noticing that I also punished myself with food.... and then I noticed that looked for comfort. I know that I am an emotional eater (obviously) but I don't know why. Why am I my own obstacle? I feel like I purposefully stop the success. Why can't I get passed that? What's wrong with me? How come I know what it feels like to do really good, and how it feels to be getting healthy..... yet somehow I think that that snickers bar is going to make me feel even better? Why am I sabatoging myself?
I'm tired of telling myself this time it's going to be different. I sound like a broken record. However this time is going to be different. I was watching a show the other day having to do with prisioners. While you start relating with the charcters you begin to question why the guards and other prision employees don't give them a little slack. Once they do you feel a bond of trust going on, you feel connected. Then all of a sudden they break out of prision and you're like 'yeah run faster.. don't let them catch you'. That's when I got an 'aha moment'. The guards run a tight ship. They can not have a single thing go wrong on their watch, even if they feel the smallest inclination to give the prisioners a little freedom. I feel like I need to run my weight loss journey this way. I always start out doing all the things I'm suppose to be doing, then I start to slack a little. Then when I see that I treated myself but the scale is still in my favor what do I do? Continue on my path of sabatoging myself. For some reason deep inside I truly don't want myself to succeed. Why? Am I scared? I give myself a little 'slack' and then my journey crumbles before my eyes.
So this is my plan....
1. As of tomorrow, I will write every single bite down. No exceptions. This will allow me to see what's really going in and be able to control things. I've done this before, and I lost weight keep a food log. For some reason though I always have slacked off and then I start with my downward spiral.
2. I must get my exercise in whether it being 30 minutes a day, or more.
3. I have to be honest with myself, and in turn be honest with you.
4. To keep this going, and my focus to be on my overall health, I must post a blog daily. Unless my computer is fried, the electricity goes off or other logical excuses, I must post daily. My idea here is to keep my goal focused on this journey. If I feel like I got everything under control and I'm eating fine, I'm afraid I will slack off again. So I will be accountable in two areas my food log, and my web blog.
5. I must also get my daily intake of fluids.

So now the ugly... the statistics. I am going to re-weigh myself in the morning, and also take down my measurements and any other info that I need to gather and I'll meet you back here tomorrow to let you know how I'm doing.

Love Always,
Amberly